Max George chooses Christmas over a number one single

It's been the best part of two years since The Wanted managed to have a number one single. We Love Pop magazine offered Max George some sort of Faustian pact:

When asked to pick between Christmas and a number one song, Max told We Love Pop magazine: ''Christmas. Sorry, but it is. I do The Wanted all year and Christmas is the one time I get to see my family and I love seeing them so much. Sorry boys!"

It's an unfair deal, as George doesn't seem to have grasped that Christmas is something that happens every year, and will happen in the future come what may; and Wanted number one singles are things that don't happen any more, and probably won't happen in the future no matter what happens.

In effect, the question was just an acknowledgement that it's going to take a Narnia-sized miracle for the Wanted ever to get a Number One again, and that George isn't really that bothered about that.

Gordon in the morning: The Wanted are charmers

Oh, what larks, Pip: The Wanted have taken to pouring stuff onto people's heads:

Victim DR TODD SWIFT called cops after being drenched in champagne from a second-floor window.

He also claims he was verbally abused by the boyband, saying they called him BARACK OBAMA because of his accent.
[...]
“I came out of the gym and was walking down the street.
[...]
“Suddenly I was hit with a lot of liquid. It was not, as the police claim, a glass of champagne. It was a lot of liquid. It went all over my hat, jacket, shirt and face. I looked up to the second floor and there were three young guys laughing at me. One of them said, ‘P*** and beer, mate’.”

The police muttered they couldn't do much because it was difficult for them to know exactly who had thrown the stuff. It's not clear if the cops meant they were unable to tell members of The Wanted apart, or if, like the rest of the world, they struggled to differentiate The Wanted, One Direction and Union J.

Todd Swift is a poet, and has turned the assault into a poem, After The Boy Band Assault:

I became afraid of champagne.
Looked up for signs of spit.
No longer Beliebed.
Went in every direction at once.

Was the new kid on a scooter.
Danced to myself.
Heard my heart beat, beat, beat.
My voice was autotuned.

I walked out of sync.
My arms were full of broken dolls.
I ate scandal for breakfast.
I took it, and that, and that too.

I feared five star hotels.
I feared five star windows.
Sniffed tabloid paper for kicks.
I was a page three boy.

The stories I read came true.
I was in a shocker.
Called Simon Simon, Lou Lou.
I was backstreet frontpage.

I was electronic and empty.
I was hand-picked young.
My life went west.
I smelled like a back seat.

My shadow, my entourage.
My sanity was syndicated.
My doctors and lawyers called from LA.
My dry-cleaning was paid for.

My facebook was not my own.
I was blamed for doing too much.
I was hopped up on capital F.
I was not wanted.

I was a report being made.
I woke in the night screaming hits.
I was 2.30 am stumbling out.
Hit an all-time low.

The Wanted might also turn the incident into something creative, the next time they get the finger paints out.

Gordon in the morning: Looking grim for Obama

As if Michelle Obama's graceless handling of a heckler wasn't bad enough, her stock has now fallen lower with transmission of an episode of The Wanted's 'reality' show in which she... appears.

Now, there's outreach, and there's outreach; but 'appearing as an extra in a second-string reality show' (and offering up the White House as a set) is going way too far.

Michelle, Michelle: before taking up an offer, always ask yourself 'is this effectively just Dog The Bounty Hunter but with singing?'

The Wanted: Nearly a great loss to the World's art

It turns out the world came just moments away from losing the reality series about The Wanted (title: One Direction Are Too Grand To Do It, So Here's The Wanted).

Nathan Sykes, who plays Nathan Sykes in the series, nearly quit:

He tells Britain's Daily Star, "I was really, really close to quitting and going home at one point. It was just too much. Everywhere I looked there was a camera, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with it. I was ill and shut away in my room and just wanted to leave. I got really, really homesick."

Luckily, he was pulled through by medical care and compassion a watertight contract, a bucket of money and the realisation that they'd have just shrugged and parachuted Chico or somebody in for the rest of the series ("medical care and compassionate management support") pulled him through, and the series - Hey Hey We're The Wasted. Wanted. Whatever - was saved for a delighted world to enjoy. Or, at least, for a delighted world's parents to find stacked, unwatched, on Sky+ in a year and quietly delete.

The Wanted realise they've dropped the ball; make new video

The Wanted have done one video for the I Found You single already.

It's awful - sexist, laddish, packed with stylised empty violence. Rolling Stone describe it as "edgy", but really it's just ill-conceived.

So they've done another version:

The Wanted pay tribute to the Beatles in this new alternate video for "I Found You."

It's a "tribute" as in "quick and cheap idea of sticking them in a studio and having some screaming fans, a bit like The Beatles, but equally a bit like how even that show where B*Witched come back will be".

The Wanted think they're like The Beatles

No, they really do:

Tom Parker said: ''It's Beatlemania for both boy bands, really. The whole boy band thing has really come back. Us and one direction have gone over to America and are literally just tearing it apart. The whole boy band thing is really alive and it's good that it's two British acts doing it.''

The Wanted, it's important to remember, aren't really anything like as popular as One Direction. And One Direction aren't really anywhere close to The Beatles.

(That's not entirely One Direction's fault; it'd be hard for even a functioning band to be 'as big as The Beatles' any more.)

But, certainly, feel free to consider yourself 'more or less on a par with Duran Duran as far as American popularity goes'.

Gordon in the morning: Presumably Chuck E Cheese was booked up?

You know, there's nothing worse than someone standing over the shoulder of a parent saying "you're doing it wrong", but let's make an exception:

[I]t appears Posh and Becks’ parties are rivalling the most lavish.

Victoria pulled some strings to get son Romeo’s favourite band The Wanted to appear as special guests at his tenth birthday party on Saturday.

Seriously?

Gordon in the morning: Wanted - a different direction

The Wanted, who are very much the Spandaus to One Direction's Duran, are desperately trying to put a brave face on their position by insisting that the comparison - that comparison - is odious:

Max, who kicks off an Australian tour with his five-piece group today, said: “If you had to tick all the boxes of what’s a boyband, I don’t think we’d fit.

“We’re not the most attractive bunch that has ever been in the pop world. We don’t dance. But we can all play instruments, which is what is good about us. We don’t want to be the stereotypical boyband.”

Oh, yes, that's very true that. Here's a picture of the band onstage at T In The Park:

You'll notice they're playing all their own instruments, if you stretch the definition of the band to include all the people who have come on stage to play their instruments while they, er, dance at the front of the stage.

But very different from One Direction. Very different indeed. More like Busted, right?

The Wanted's Suicide Solution

Apparently, The Wanted are catching heat for their Chasing The Sun song. Singing about staying up all night partying? That's a bad example for the young people.

I don't think anyone is actually saying this, it's more like a desperate hope from management that somebody would.

Still, we're encouraged to approach the lyrics with an open mind:

Jay said: ''I think this song, it can mean many things. To some people, it is partying all night and chasing the sun the next morning. That's what the first video is about - the girls, the teeth are there, the vampires.

''So we're all there partying away. And that's one aspect of the song. Another aspect of the song is chasing your dreams, the unattainable acorn in the distance.''

"The unattainable acorn in the distance." The what now?

Of course, the song isn't about that; it's about partying until you fall over.

Or... is it?

I'm better
So much better now
I see the light, touch the light,
We're together now

When you read the lyrics, the image is less of people partying through the night and more... well...

Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run

... it reads like the last will and testament of someone backed into a corner choosing to kill themselves rather than capitulate.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll find us chasing the sun
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll find us chasing the sun

Obviously, not that bit.

When the daylight's fading
We're gonna play in the dark
Till it's golden again
And now it feels so amazing
Can't see it coming
And we'll never grow old again
You'll find us chasing the sun

If I didn't know better - and, really, I don't - I'd assume that the Wanted's songwriters have tricked the band into recording a suicide anthem.

Maybe the unattainable acorn in the distance is the afterlife. Who knew?

Gordon in the morning: The Wanted against nakedness

Inevitably, given their profile, the world is now being softened up for a bunch of clothes supposedly designed by The Wanted.

Because The Wanted have a really distinctive style, don't they?

Even Gordon manages a decent snort of derision:

Which is good news for fans of checked shirts and faded denim jeans.

So, why would they be doing this now? Apparently, it's because they met Tommy Hilfiger last week.

So, you meet Hilfiger and decide to copy him by designing clothes? Could someone please arrange a meeting between The Wanted and Buzz Aldrin, please?

A source says: “They are also inspired by the massive success of Jay-Z and P Diddy’s clothing ranges."

And what part of that success is it that inspires? The ability to connect more closely to fans by shaping a distinctive visual style? The chance to show you have talents that stretch beyond your core work?

Don't be silly:

"It could be a great money-spinner.”

The only success that mattters.

Gordon in the morning: Man in a mansion

Apart from the unsurprised disappointment at The Wanted trooping off to soft porn theme park Playboy Mansion, what is to be said?

Jay McGuiness has gone a long way to shaking off that image after achieving every bloke’s dream — pulling a Playboy bunny.

Not "every bloke's dream", not by quite a distance.

The Wanted singer managed to snog one of the models when the group were invited round to Hugh Hefner’s famous Los Angeles mansion to celebrate bandmate Nathan Sykes’ birthday.

Proud Jay said: “I did actually manage to pull — I kissed a bunny — Katy Perry-style."

If I'm reading this correctly, Jay seems to think that Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl had the emphasis on the kissing rather than the girl, which is actually rather sweet when you think about it.

Although the rather sweetness doesn't really wash away the creaking image of The Wanted shuffling round the Playboy empire.

The Wanted seem surprised that celebrities aren't interested

Christina Aguilera is far, far too grand to talk backstage to The Wanted.

This has surprised and upset The Wanted:

Speaking on Now FM, Max George said that she refused to talk to them backstage after the show.
He said: 'She was a bit scary to be honest.'
Bandmate Tom Parker then said: 'She's a total b****!
'She might not be a b**** in real life but to us she was a b****. She just sat there and didn't speak to us. Wouldn't even look at us.'

To be fair to Aguilera, this was backstage at a taping of the American version of The Voice, where the backstage area must be crawling with ordinary-looking singers on the edges of the tolerably good.

It's hugely unlikely she would have recognised them; chances are she just thought they were contestants trying to influence her.

More depressing, though, is the way the band fawned over Chris Brown:

The Wanted also met Chris Brown on the show and said they hoped to go into the studio with him too.
Siva added: 'We've talked to Chris Brown as well, which would be really good. We talked to Chris actually when we were on The Voice and he said he was down as well.'

Perhaps Aguilera saw you getting on so well with a man who beats up women and decided she didn't want to rub shoulders with people whose standards are so low?

Gordon in the morning: Good morning, America

Although Gordon seems more surprised by young people playing a game that everyone is playing, surely there is a real story in the news that One Direction are going to play Madison Square Garden.

Gordon explains the significance:

The Garden is usually reserved for the top names in music, yet One Direction have so far only released one album and a couple of singles — including Top 3 hit It’s Gotta Be You.

Well, not always reserved for the top names in music: Nickelback are playing there in a few weeks; it's about how many tickets you can sell which isn't always a guarantee of quality.

Still, it would be churlish to not be impressed at the machine which has managed to take an ordinary-to-the-point-of-dull act and turned it into an American craze.

Not having quite such a good time of it in the US was The Wanted. They're starving:

Singer Tom Parker was handed tins of Heinz beans by fans at LAX airport after admitting he was missing his favourite UK food while touring the States.

If he was missing them so badly, why didn't he, er, go to a supermarket and buy a can? They're sold (as Heinz Vegetarian Baked Beans) in pretty much every food store. It's like saying 'oh, I miss creme eggs while I'm in America.)

Gordon in the morning: Fighting for America

There's nothing that Gordon Smart likes more than a chart battle. He sees them where nobody else does.

BRITISH music is littered with spectacular chart scraps.

Two of the best kicked off in the last couple of decades with Take That going toe-to-toe with East 17, then Blur battled with Oasis.

Now The Wanted and One Direction are starting to square up — the boybands are locked in a fight to crack the US first, and the war of words is hotting up.

"Cracking the States first" isn't really a chart battle. And it's not even a battle, anyway - One Direction have had a single which trickled in to the US charts at 28; The Wanted have gone platinum in the US and gone top five. Pretending there's still some sort of race to be first is a bit like wondering who'll be the first to get to the South Pole.

Blimey, though: Cameron, One Direction and The Wanted all turning up in America at the same time. America must think we hate them.

Gordon in the morning: Ferry bad news

Gordon gets overexcited in the shipping lanes:

THE lads in The Wanted almost lost £6million of kit on Wednesday night when a ferry carrying tour gear was in collision with a cargo vessel.

The Wanted have six million quid's worth of equipment? That's a hell of a lot of make-up and trousers, and a really expensive tape machine, presumably.

Still, they "almost lost" it all, did they?

The Wanted ferry nearly lose their kit

So this must have been a really, really serious incident?

The accident happened in Belfast Lough, and roadies with the kit on a Stena ship were so worried it was going down they put on life jackets.

And believe me, if you've got an incident at sea, nobody is better at predicting what might happen than a roadie. If only Noel Gallagher had been on the Titanic, they might have avoided any loss of life at all.

Although... if there's a bit of a bump at sea wouldn't putting a life jacket on be a normal thing to do? Has Gordon taken a basic safety measure, and a minor incident, and inflated it like a seat that can also be used as a floatation device?

RTE have a report on the incident:

A passenger ferry was involved in a collision with another vessel at the entrance to Belfast Lough, authorities in Northern Ireland confirmed tonight.

Police are assisting the Maritime and Coastguard agency in an investigation into the incident.
The Stena ferry has docked at its terminal in Belfast. There are no reports of injuries.
[...]
There were 51 passengers and 47 crew on board.

A spokesman said there were no reports of injuries and everyone on the ferry had safely disembarked in Belfast.

So this is a bit of a minor bump, then, and it seems at no time was the ferry in any danger; much less its cargo "almost lost". Still, why let the facts, etc, etc?

Gordon in the morning: Commercial break

A man who makes crisp adverts has made a crisp advert, reports Gordon Smart.

Gordon in the morning: Wanted on voyage

There's no explanation in Gordon Smart's story about why Mike Tyson is supposedly going to take The Wanted on a tour round Las Vegas. Beyond this:

After hearing that the band were stopping off at Sin City during their trip to the States, the ex-heavyweight boxing champion got in touch with their management and asked if he could be the one to show them around.

That clearly isn't true, is it? I struggle to believe that Tyson flicks through We [heart] Pop to find out which third-string boybands are going to be in town in order to drive them to Denny's.

What is surprising, though, is that The Wanted's puppetmasters think that having their band link up with the violent, convicted rapist works for their brand in the first place.

Tom said: "I can't believe Mike Tyson wants to take us out in Las Vegas. All I keep thinking about is his part in The Hangover — it'll be The Hangover Part 3 with The Wanted boys.

"He wants to show us all the bars, clubs and hotels, it will be sick."

Well, incredibly inappropriate, at the very least. Do the kids still say that?

Gordon in the morning: The Wanted's little penis

There's something almost sweet about the "rudeness" The Wanted pumped into This Morning's Twitter stream:

FAMILY show This Morning left its followers stunned this morning when the words "t**s", "balls" and "little penis" appeared on its official Twitter page.

For some reason, The Sun has censored "tits", which - given it's mainly sold on the promise of seeing a pair of tits - seems a little strange.

Obviously, it's childish, but given what they could have tweeted while in control of the account, there's a surprising innocence about it. Or possibly a lack of ambition. Or imagination.

DigitalSpy makes you an offer you can safely ignore

Watch The Wanted playing Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games on Wii.

I suppose at least they're not singing.