Clinton, Peas settle

I think it's fairly safe to assume a large sum of money has changed hands, as George Clinton's claim against Black Eyed Peas for ripping off bits of (Not Just) Knee Deep has been settled.

The Black Eyed Peas defence was that they thought they'd licensed the samples and had innocently used them. And you know how the forgiving music industry tends to react to that sort of defence when it comes from someone accused of unlicensed downloading, right?

Michael Jackson tribute turning into poorly-executed shambles

When they said they were going to pay tribute to Michael Jackson, who knew they were going to focus on the 'quite often didn't turn up and when he did it was disappointing' aspects of his career.

Parts of the plan have been dropping off like arms falling from a Thriller Zombie. We've had Kiss quit after they remembered how they'd slagged Jackson off.

Yesterday, the Black Eyed Peas announced they won't be in Wales this weekend:

"Due to unavoidable circumstances, the Black Eyed Peas will be unable to perform at this Saturday's Michael Forever event," said Chris Hunt, head of Global Live Events which is staging the concert.

Hey - "unavoidable circumstances" is no way a sign that they couldn't even be arsed to come up with an excuse.

Today, domestically violent Chris Brown said he wouldn't be coming, either, as he couldn't get a visa. But just as the organisers of Michael Forever were absorbing this good news came another problem: the company which had promised to run the gig as a pay-per-view event through Facebook has said it won't be:

Due to legal challenges brought by the music labels that own the rights to Michael Jackson’s lyrics, we have been notified by concert promoters Global Live Events and Ridgeline Entertainment that the live Facebook broadcast of the Michael Forever tribute concert has been cancelled. As the technology provider behind the live Facebook broadcast, Milyoni will fully refund all customers who pre-purchased access to the concert using Facebook Credits or PayPal.

“While social media presents a new opportunity for artists and concert promoters to reach global audiences, it is still a new and disruptive frontier ripe with challenges. Milyoni will continue to work closely with our music and entertainment partners to pursue this new channel of distribution, beneficial to both artists and fans worldwide.”

That's literally several people being mildly disappointed.

Will.i.am: You and me both, mate

It turns out that Will.i.am is sick to death of the lyrics to My Humps.

It's only taken six years for him to catch up with all other sentient life on the planet, then.

Gordon in the morning: Mission impossible

The Bizarre index claims that Judi Dench is Fergie's "new best pal", although it turns out they've just been in a film together and there's some vague talk of Judi doing a cameo in a Peas video. Apparently everyone thinks this is a good idea.

So, there's lots of photos of them together, is there?

Actually, no: Fergie didn't turn up for the premiere party. But the good Dame did dance to a Black Eyed Peas song, which is enough to support the "close friendship" making lead story for Gordon.

Black Eyed Peas: A plausible reason for turning to Islam

The government of Malaysia has issued a ruling barring Muslims from attending a Kuala Lumpur gig this September.

They're worried that the sponsors - Guinness - don't sit well with the rules of the religion. It's unclear if there will be any punishment for people simply pretending to be Muslim as an easy way to get out of going to the gig.

Glastonbury 2009: View from the sofa - The last night

I know it's churlish to complain about the BBC's coverage, when it offers up so many riches, but... lets complain anyway.

Every year, I'm left scratching my head wondering why the press red service on the last night is busily churning out Saturday and Friday sets when there's plenty happening on site; I could understand if there was one screen of all-weekend highlights, but at some points yesterday it was a choice of old, or older: Quo today, or Springsteen or Florence or Little Boots from before?

And why can't you bloody stick with a set? If you're going to put on the record label's knuckledusters and issue take-down notices to YouTube, can't you at least push back and not wait until Blur are really getting going before cutting back to Whiley and Lowe, sat around, enthusing over how this is the greatest thing that has ever happened on the pyramid stage since stages began - only to go off and show The Black Eyed Peas instead, while BBC Three - scheduled to show The Black Eyed Peas - slaps on Blur. But the bits that BBC Two had already shown.

The Sunday night coverage is always hyperbolic - it's always the biggest crowd ever seen in front of the stage, always the most extraordinary end to the most extraordinary Glastonbury, but this year it actually felt like it might be true. Apart from the most extraordinary Glastonbury bit - from the sofa it had all the thrill of a well-oiled machine.

But Blur were magnificent. Whoever thought that a bunch of aging indie-kids would outrun Bruce?

What was the name of that group from the North who was meant to be their competition?

Perez Hilton: It's not a crime, it's generating content

At least Perez Hilton is consistent, so that when he hears the sounds of Will I Am's people's hands slapping him, he reaches not for the phone to alert the police, but his blackberry to alert the blogosphere. He Tweeted in pain:

I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.

I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.

The Toronto police are here now. Thank you. Please stop calling them.

Thank u all from the bottom of my heart for ur concern. The police are investigating the assault now. I did the right thing by reporting it.

I won't be talking about this any further. It is in the hands of the authorities.

What is perhaps best about this is that, even while he's bleeding, Hilton has the wherewithal to make it clear he's talking about Will.I.Am "of the Black Eyed Peas", just in case you thought it might be an artfully punctuated heir to the British throne who was attacking him.

Actually, if Will I Am was attacking me, and I was twittering it, I think I'd probably not bother with those annoying full stops at all. If you're able to do punctuation, it doesn't really suggest very much in the way of urgency about your messages.

It's not clear why Will supposedly attacked Perez Hilton - presumably it'll take Toronto police a while to work their way down the list of plausible motives.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Fashion Rocks again, in much the same way that it always does

Surprisingly, Beth Ditto isn't involved with this year's Fashion Rocks event, as the overpriced trousers/overrated singers combo telecast offers a line-up which is either an impressive collection of the a-list (and Duffy) or the same old bloody faces all over again (and Duffy), depending on how generous you feel:

Beyonce
Black Eyed Peas
Chris Brown
Fergie
Justin Timberlake
Keith Urban
Lil Wayne
Mariah Carey
Rihanna
Kid Rock
Duffy

We do like they're billing the Black Eyed Peas and Fergie, which presumably means she'll be doing two things but still looks a little like they're trying to pad out the list of names.

But surely this is more Fashion RandBs, not Rocks?

We're given to understand that a bid to include Hamfitter on the bill failed at the last moment.

Won't someone please think of the ordinary Chinese?

Interesting watching those banking large cheques from the Chinese government trying to justify taking part in their marketing campaign. Latest to flap in the wind is Will.I.Am, who clearly isn't going to turn down a big payday just because the money is coming from a repressive government:

The star called the recent crackdown in Tibet "messed up", but asked whether it was right to "punish a whole country".

"If America really wants to make a difference, it should stop importing China's products and pay back its debt," he added.

Aha. So, it would be wrong to "punish" a country by not letting them hear his music (is the whole country going to his gig, then?) but it'd be better to not buy their stuff - presumably, then, forcing ordinary Chinese out of work is, in Will.I.Am's crazy world less of a blow to them than not getting to hear about the super-rich in one city turning out to hear a Black Eyed Pea gig.

"They have all this Chinese boycott stuff - they want to boycott the games," he said, "but do the people get punished when they have nothing to do with what's going on?"

He hasn't quite understood how cultural boycotts work, has he? The idea is to remove legitimacy from a regime by stopping treating it like it's a normal nation doing normal things. We don't know if Mr. Am wants to spend some time reading about the powerful effects of the sporting and cultural boycotts of apartheid South Africa, if he ever gets a chance between balancing his pocketbooks.

"If you boycott China, when do they boycott America for what we're doing in Iraq?" he added.

Well, yes. That would kind of be the point, wouldn't it?

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?

It turns out, yes, Will.I.Am is delighted to turn the other cheek.

Black Eyed Peas told to shut up - by the law

The Black Eyed Peas - who seem to exist these days purely when called upon to do a corporate - were made to cut short a gig launching a Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego:

Apparently, locals were complaining about the loud music, some from as far as two miles away.

Which is hardly "local", is it?

We'd imagine that people trying to get some kip in the hotel might have been less than thrilled, too.

And this is your Black Eyed Pea on drugs

One thing we'll say for Fergie: she doesn't believe in holding back, does she? Now she's admitted she's had a meth problem, she's unstoppable on her drug experiences:

One time she was so paranoid on the drug that she talked to her hamper for eight hours straight. "I remember thinking somebody was inside of it, going to come and get me, so I was talking to the person who was crawling in the hamper," she admits.

Although if you were that paranoid, why would you just not open the basket?

Please, not on our account

Fergie has - we're not sure "reassured" is the word, more threatened - that there will be another Black Eyed Peas album:

"We don't have an album yet, a Black Eyed Peas album," Fergie told WENN. "We haven't had time; everybody's been constantly working, as we always do. But we will have an album. We're not going away."

We know what she's been doing... but what about the other ones? Are they really all so busy?

Drug use is Taboo; Taboo "is a drug user"

Taboo, the one out the Black Eyed Peas, not the spirit drink that was launched at the same-time as the less popular Mirage, has been charged with a couple of minor drugs offences.

The Black Eyed Pea has been accused of "possession of marijuana, prescribed medication and driving under the influence." Prosecutors hit out at California Law, under which it is impossible to charge someone simply with being a member of the Black Eyed Peas.

An Open Letter To My Teenage Self

For some reason - we can't assume it's purely to come off as a smug, self-satisfied git - Fergie has sent a letter to her 17 year-old self. Typical of the bloody Post Office, though, it's only just turned up.

Oh, hang on.

"Sure, you'll be a giant flirt and wear sexy clothes, but you'll never take it to an unhealthy level and act on it." Fergie also warns herself about the rough patches ahead in her life, including her drug addiction and debt problems - but adds,"Don't worry. You'll always come back to your roots."

Fergie's 17 year-old self has replied with a text message trying to clarify what, exactly, she means by "acting on sexy clothes to an unhealthy level" and pointing out that if she'd included some useful information - like who wins the 2002 Kentucky Derby - she could have avoided the debt problems altogether. A second text attempted to clarify if "I'm, like, always this embarrassing in the future?"

Kissing boys and girls, trying to decide which she prefers

No, Daily Mirror, Fergie has not "admitted to a series of lesbian flings", as if homosexuality was like shoplifting or kidnapping sailors.

Taboo: Where is the clutch?

Taboo, one of the other Black Eyed Peas, has been arrested and charged with drink-driving. Apparently, he was also accused of possessing blow and prescription medicine (only without a prescription). A court date hasn't been set.

Presumably he was trying to find a way to occupy himself while Fergie is busy elsewhere; or maybe he wanted to try and remind the world there are other Peas beyond her and Will I Am.

It's not known if he was actually drunk on Taboo when he was stopped.

Robbie Williams is not seeking a second opinion alongside Fergie's

We don't know if Fergie's medical background is in psychiatry or human biology, but she seems confident enough in her skills to offer a diagnosis in Robbie William's case:

"We've all faced our demons at some point. I feel I can relate to him. In this day and age it seems everyone is going crazy.

But Robbie is doing great. He's such a charmer. He'll come back stronger from all this. That boy knows how to pack out arenas."

Well, since part of Williams' problems are, apparently, his ability to present a happy face (or, more accurately, gurning face) to the world while being eaten-up by his internal solipsism, that he seemed jolly at a party might be considered a symptom rather than a good sign - as, indeed, would be bouncing straight from rehab to the sort of pap-stalked, celeb-heavy party where you might "party" with "Fergie" in the first place. Since Fergie has spoken of her own addictions, she probably could relate to Williams, but telling a man who's hooked on drugs that "yah, everyone's so crazy now with the global warming and Iraq war" is a bit of a slap in the face.

And he "knows how to pack out arenas", does he? Isn't it more he employs people who know how to do that; he just turns up and delivers a so-so performance?

Fergie "too drunk" to get off with Virgin

It's just like a celebrity version of Airline - indeed, if she's smart, Fergie should try and spin her awkward moment in LAX as 'Comic Relief Does Airport' rather than drunk woman makes a tit of herself.

Supposed to be flying to London, Fergie turned up too tight:

"She was falling all over the place and had to be supported. She was in no state to fly.

"But when she was prevented from boarding she couldn't believe it.

"She was drunkenly ranting at staff but could barely string a sentence together. It was very embarrassing."

Her clothes were removed from the hold - which can't have taken long - and the rest of the band crossed the Atlantic without her. Which, to be honest, they're probably going to have to get used to doing when she quits the Black Eyed Peas anyway.