Ten Walls tiresome homophobe; says he isn't

Ah, Ten Walls. After people got upset with your queerbashy Facebook post, you issued one of those not-really-apologies:

‘I want to apologize for the former post in my account. I am really sorry about its insulting content which does not reflect my true opinion. I hope this misunderstanding will not provoke any more thoughts and opinions. Peace.

Ah, do you hope that this "misunderstanding" will not provoke any more thoughts? Do you?

Sorry about that, Mr Walls, because the first thought that is provoked is 'well, let's look at what it was that was "misunderstood" given that you haven't exactly cleared things up by explaining what your actual views are'.

‘I remember producing music for one Lithuanian musician, who tried to wash my brain that I don’t need to be so conservative and intolerant about them.

‘When I asked him “what would you do if you realized that your 16-year-old son’s browny (anus) is ripped by his boyfriend?” Well he was silent.’

He goes on to say in ‘the good 90s… these people of different breed where fixed’.

And the post likened homosexuality to pedophile abuse by Catholic priests.

‘One of my first gigs in Ireland, on my way to [my] hotel I saw a church with a fence decorated with hundreds of baby shoes. Naturally I wondered why?

‘Unfortunately a priest’s lie for many years was uncovered when children were massively raped.

‘Unfortunately the people of other breed continue to do it and everyone knows it but does nothing.’

I'm guessing the reason the musician was silent when you said 'what if your son had his arse ripped open' was for the same reason most people are quiet when they're harangued by a hate-filled idiot - they're working out where the nearest exit is and slowly plotting an escape.

Still, you can see why Ten Walls is hoping that people won't think about that post any more, because the more you think about it, the harder it is to see how 'different breed' and the conflation of violent, abusive rapists and people who have sex with others who share their gender could have been 'misunderstood'.

Fort Romeau has had some opinions, too:

I was due to support Ten Walls at Koko, London in November, in light of recent comments made by him on Facebook I have decided to cancel.

Its easy to romanticise electronic music culture and imagine it as a bastion of social liberalism and progressive ideology but the reality is that it simply reflects the larger social context where homophobia and (particularly) sexism are normalised and worse, codified into law. [...] Clearly there is a long way to go. Until legal parity is accorded no snappy neo-liberal sloganeering about “freedom” and “individuality” really means anything.

so while cancelling one gig is hardly going to change the world, it does stand as a personal rejection of bigotry, fear and intolerance.

Two cheers for Marina Diamandis

Oh, Marina out of Marina and The Diamonds, you are ace for calling out the 'I love the gays' demographic-box-tickers:

"When you're an artist, you giving a shit does not equate to going 'I love you guys!' five times a day on Twitter," said Diamandis during a telephone interview, "If you want to do something, you do it in action.

"I am always up for supporting anyone who has suffered prejudice or discrimination -- and I always will be," she went on to say of her LGBT following. "But it's not something I have publicly done a lot of yet. We'll see. It is important to me, because it makes up a significant part of my fan base."

Sort of aces - "it makes up part of my base". It? But let's let that one go.

"Sometimes I feel it's a little contrived," she stated, "I hope you can see what I mean by that, in terms of female pop stars going, 'I love my gay fan base' -- making that a thing. I don't believe in that.

"I would support that all of my fanbase is equal," Diamandis continued, "I hope I can support straight guys as much as I can teenage girls."

Yeah, Marina. Straight guys are under so much yoke of prejudice, you really should ensure you can support them as much as possible.

But that's quibbling. Standing up and saying 'if you really love your queer fans when they're buying tickets for your shows, what are you doing for them?' is something we've been waiting for for a long time.

Bobi Wine put back in the bottle

Ugandan pop star Bobi Wine has been refused a visa to play the UK because he's a homophobe.

Of course, he's one of those homophobes who even lack the courage to own their hate, explaining in a tortuous Daily Monitor op-ed why he was actually on the side of the angels:

I am personally not out to threaten the life of any individual based on their sexual Orientation, I just DO NOT agree with them.

See? He's got this image of being intolerant, but he doesn't want anyone to be killed for having a relationship; he just doesn't "agree" with them.

I'm not quite sure the queer community anywhere is looking for people to "agree" with them, as if your sexuality is a suggestion.

This is my opinion and happens to be that of 99 per cent Ugandans/Africans basing on our culture, religion and Constitution.

Yes, he did say that 99% per cent of African's opinion is that they don't agree with homosexuals.

Why, Bobi straightsplains, its not even that the (then yet to be struck down) Ugandan anti-gay laws are looking to kill gay people:

It's a misinterpretation to say that Uganda wants to kill homosexuals because the biggest section for the offenders (aggravated homosexuality with a minor where the offender is HIV positive) is life imprisonment and not death.

The intention of the Act is to stop promotion and exhibition of homosexual practices. In fact, degenerate passions can be regulated by discipline and the benefit of the law is to create standard behaviour for us Ugandans.

You see? What could be more reasonable than a piece of legislation which only calls for death for some people who have same-sex relationships? If anything, Wine's crime is being too liberal.

Oh, hang about a moment, Bobi doesn't want this generous not-killing-ALL-the-gays to make him look like he might, god forbid, in any way agrees with them:

Homosexuality may be a phenomenal that has lived in the nooks of society and as humanity requires, I sympathise with the victim, in the confines of the word victim and most definitely sympathy should not be misinterpreted as endorsement.

The Phenomenal Homosexual Nook is, of course, Barnes & Noble's best selling e-reader.

I love the idea that as he was pounding his keyboard, Wine read back the first three-quarter of his rant and worried "ooh, don't want anyone to think that I'm promoting homosexuality here. Better make it clear that 'I don't want you to be killed' isn't a marketing slogan."

How be it, I completely fail to understand the pride and why the gays are so happy about it. If my opinion makes me third world, then I am happy to be.

"You know, if the gays think that this whole gay thing makes them happy, they should try chuntering on with inane, hateful viewpoints. Then they'd know what happy is."

As a role model in this dear country, on matters of public interest, I'm expected to air out an opinion that is not manipulated by sycophancy, fear or favour. And as far as this is concerned, I hope that the proponents of homosexuality who pride themselves in their liberalism and support for human rights, will allow me my right of expression much as they may not be comfortable with my opinion.

Absolutely, Bobi Wine. You are allowed your opinion - and an opinion, unlike a sexual orientation, is a thing which other people are invited to agree or disagree with. Nobody is trying to shut you up. They just wish you would.

The bottom line is that we should struggle to better our selves and it's not fair when one tries to "arm-twist" society to legalise bad habits just because they have a sponsor.

Homosexuality is brought to you by Vauxhall - driving your bad habits all the way home, and Nike - sponsoring homosexuality to stop Adidas from doing it.

We just can't compromise our Values and Dignity.

Your values and dubious, and you have no dignity. Enjoy your staycation, Bobi.

Jessie J resigns her bisexuality

Obviously, people's sexuality can change over their lifetime - both in terms of what they find attractive, and in how they choose to define themselves.

Having said that, Jessie J's sudden announcement that she isn't bisexual any more gives the impression of someone trying to distance themselves from a marketing campaign for a brand which has moved on.

She wrote: “Remember the thing that you tried/did back in the day. The phase you had? That is so not YOU anymore?! And you look back and think wow how I’ve changed.

Jessie, the idea that bisexuality or pansexuality is a "phase" tends to be a concept used by people who aren't bisexual or pansexual.

“Something that you don’t even talk about or want to talk about anymore. Because you’ve moved on? That was just part of you growing up? Discovering yourself and working out what you liked and disliked…. Remember?

“I have those too. Yet I’ve noticed some people hold onto mine because they were blogged and put into the media."

It wasn't "blogged and put into the media" - you chose to talk about in Cosmopolitan, it was you who chose to take bisexuality and try it on for a bit.

“I have felt under pressure since being famous to be what some people want me to be for them! I have learnt that the hard way. It’s too much!

“[People] can change. As they should. And I have changed and grown up ALOT, and that’s allowed. And I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than ever before. We all are on a journey and I refuse to feel boxed and judged because of how I felt once!”

Let's accept that this isn't just someone trying to disown a bandwagon they once jumped upon, and do J the courtesy of taking at her word the idea that she was bisexual, once, for just long enough to issue a press release and then it went away.

Instead, let's just look at the way she's chosen to de-announce her bisexuality.

There's a general sense that she finds the idea of being bisexual something of a teenage embarrassment - which is a chilli in the eye for those of us who remain as bi as they were yesterday morning.

There's the use of the word "judged". Surely the reaction to someone judging you because you are, or were, bi - especially if you elbowed your way into the community in the first place, and that community were nothing but welcoming and supportive - is to question why people think that's something on which a person should be judged at all.

You'd hope if someone came up to Jessie J and said "ewwww, you're bisexual and that's disgusting", her reaction would be "no it isn't" rather than "no I'm not."

You would hope that someone who had chosen to share the identity of a group which suffers from high levels of mental illness and stress might, at the very least, withdraw from that group without making it look like she was recoiling in horror from a terrible youthful indiscretion.

In an attempt to try and clear things up, she spoke to the Mirror to try and throw a blanket of platitude over the mess:

Brilliantly, she also joked online that “vegetarians eat meat ­sometimes”. When asked about the comment yesterday, she said: “I thought that was quite funny.”

Actually, Jessie, no; vegetarians don't "eat meat sometimes". You're getting confused with people who claim to be vegetarian but actually aren't.

Also, you're comparing standing up, publicly and painfully distancing yourself from bisexuality with a person on a largely meat-free diet having a sausage roll?

She says of her past revelations: “I did talk about it, and I was open about it, and I do support being lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender - love who you want.

“That’s what I’m doing."

I think that's great news there for the bi community - I think we'd all had a nervous 48 hours over whether we'd all have to stop it for good now Jessie's thrown it in. How generous of her to not only licence our sexual identities, but to support us, too. Even if we've chosen the one that is horrible to have blogged.

“I don’t regret anything I ever said."

It's not clear here if J is not regretting saying she was bisexual, or regretting that long series of Tweets where she spoke about how she regretted saying she was bisexual.

"I’m just so bored of it"

Oh, goodness. It turns out being thought bisexual is boring. How lucky to be able to slew it off when it become tiresome.

"I want to stop talking about it completely now and find myself a husband."

It might come as a shock to Jessie, but being bisexual doesn't actually prevent you from finding a husband if you're a woman. Hell, these days it doesn't prevent you from finding a husband if you're a man.

You're in a national newspaper suggesting that bisexual people have to renounce their sexuality if they want to have a permanent relationship. Did you even think how that looks?

It's hard to see how anyone could make this worse, but then she manages it:

She adds: “It’s a true struggle. All the chick flicks that didn’t make sense to me, I now understand – Sex and the City is real!”

Bisexual people don't understand chick flicks. It's true; if you fill a cinema with bisexuals and show them When Harry Met Sally, they literally cannot see anything happening on the screen. There's something about our retinas which means the minute 27 Dresses comes on, we're rendered functionally blind.

That's how you can tell if you've been cured of bisexuality - you suddenly start seeing Richard Gere and Julia Roberts on the Pretty Woman DVD box.

Do you want to just pat us on the head before you leave, Jessie?

“For me, it was a phase,” she says. “But I’m not saying bisexuality is a phase for everybody."

Oh, how very, very generous of you. How very kind.

Kylie: Young woman had sex shock

The Daily Star is regurgitating already vomit-flecked stuff from The News Of The World ("The Sun On The Sunday") about Kylie.

It's shocking. Prepare to be shocked:

Kylie Minogue's girl-next-door image shattered by sex revelations in explosive new book

There was a period when Kylie was known as SexKylie, so this is the sort of shock right up there with discovering that cheese, for all its tasty solidity, was once milk.

The Star seems aware that this is a yawning chasm in their story, so try to rationalise why this might be a shock:

The pint-sized pop star, who is well-known for her innocent girl-next-door image, is said to have been naughty between the sheets long before her highly-publicised romance with Michael Hutchence, who is said to have "corrupted" her.

The "revelation" is simply that she had sex with someone, so the Star is hoping that 'woman had sex with someone before the boyfriend she met when she was 20' is some sort of surprise. (Apart from anything, surely this is going to generate another Jason Donovan lawsuit?)

It basically all boils down to a tatty book from a tatty little man, Sean Smith, who has got a tattier little man Paolo Marcolin to "tell-all". (It's a 'two teenagers having sex at a party' story - which, a quick search of Google will reveal, is a thing that has never happened anywhere else, at any point before or after.)

And how much weight should we give to Mr Macrolin's testimony?

"We lay on the floor. It was freezing but I had enough alcohol in me not to notice. I was really enjoying myself because Kylie was so nice," Paolo added.

So Marcolin was too drunk to notice it was freezing, and yet he noticed it was freezing.

Sean Smith - who, let's not rush to judge as some sort of grubby smut peddler, perhaps a man with stained trousers and smelly fingers - appears to have some sort of justification for trying to make money and headlines out of a fairly typical thing for a teenager to have done:

"For someone so careful about her private life, Kylie can be astonishingly indiscreet. It is as if, every so often, she gets the devil in her."

Even for a screaming moral vacuum, this is disingenuous. His own tale suggests that this isn't true - let's just look back at Paolo's quote:

"My hands were wandering a bit. Out of the blue, she said, 'Do you want to go somewhere even more private?' Of course I agreed. It sounded great to me.

"She had no idea where she was going but eventually took me to the opposite side of the house. There were a few people catching taxis, so we walked round the corner to be out of sight — or so I thought."
[...]
However, the pair soon realised that they were getting frisky in full view of the other party guests and headed to a small workshop underneath the house where they allegedly began having sex.

So, given that Kylie - without, at this stage, some sort of judging role on Saturday night TV to worry about - twice moved somewhere further out of public view hardly screams of indiscretion. Sean Smith seems to be saying that simply by having someone else present to have sex with Kylie's leaving herself open to having it discussed.

Perhaps Sean hasn't noticed, but it's Paolo who is being indiscreet. It might be a bit much to claim that Kylie had the devil in her, but she certainly seems to have made room for a bit of a Judas.

Shirley Manson: Cyrus c'est moi

There's been an interesting contribution to the chatter about Miley Cyrus from Shirley Manson:

Manson said: “I disagree in some ways with how Miley has been castigated. I think it’s a very complex issue.

“But put it this way - when I was starting out with Garbage in the 1990s, I wore see-through dresses, and I used to grab my crotch and my boobs.

“Nobody batted an eyelid at the time. Nobody castigated me. But she has been treated like the antichrist.

“Artists make their own decisions and know there may be repercussions. It is up to them.”

It's tempting to say 'well, it's not quite the same', but there's a chance that what I mean is 'that was okay because I like Garbage'.

Even allowing for that, though, there's surely some differences, not least of which is the sort of image Shirley and Miley had. Sure, Shirley had a strong, sexual image - but would you have seen her doing Robin Thicke's rape song with her ass in his groin? Would you have given much for Thicke's chances if he'd even asked?

There's a risk in assuming that there's just sexual and not-sexual, rather than a range of different motivations, audiences, messages and attitudes and trying to use a binary filter leads you into the sort of on/off switch of David Cameron's porn filter. It's possible to defend Cyrus' right to artistic self-expression while still not being convinced that it is self-expression.

If Cyrus is delivering her own vision, there's surely a strange coincidence in how much that vision looks like it's the next step in a sideboob arms race with Katy Perry and Lady GaGa.

The wisdom or otherwise of Shirley's suggestion that Miley knows what she's doing, and knows the potential repercussions - well, we'll find out if that's the case over the years to come. Let's hope she's right.

Michelle Shocked: If love were a train, it'd be derailed

Disappointing to see that Michelle Shocked has gone from the ugly dismissal of her own sexuality to a blanket attack on all gay people, live from the stage at Yoshi's, San Francisco. Matt Penfield was there, and told Yahoo Music:

"She started reading some tweets from the stream and having a dialogue about people's impressions, talking about how she was feeling brave at this point and that she was doing the right thing. Then the tone of the conversation became extremely religious and she began talking about the two things most important to her being Jesus Christ and freedom. Then she talked about how she had just come from a prayer meeting the night before, and the people in her prayer meeting were really worried because these are the end times, and they’re the end times because Prop. 8 is going to lead to ministers marrying gay people with a rifle to the head. At which people got a little riled up; then there started to be some call and response from the crowd about what she meant. She started exhorting the crowd very specifically to go ahead and tweet or write and say that Michelle Shocked says God hates f--s, and some other references to the Bible denouncing homosexuality as sinful and abhorrent.

"At that point a lot of people started getting up and walking out. We didn’t understand if this was for the sake of art or an actual rant. Then she delivered the same Bible verses in Spanish. At that point personally I felt like I was an emotional hostage, and the night of entertainment had become a night for her to deliver this intense personal polemic that, in hindsight, it felt like she had been carrying around since she got on stage, while we were strapped in waiting for her to deliver it."

There's been a few vain attempts to suggest that maybe this was some sort of biting satire, but taken alongside her past description of homosexuality as being "no more of a sin than fornication" (gee, thanks) and her same-sex past either as a lie or an "inconvenient truth" it seems unlikely.

Last night Shocked was retweeting a mix of positive and negative @ messages, prompting one exasperated follower to sigh "the cryptic retweets aren't helping".

What's certain, though, is that the world is treating a former radical standing on stage shouting "god hates fags" - however ironically - like box office poison, with shows being axed all over America.

Michelle Shocked. Come a long fucking way indeed.

Gordon in the morning: A morning outing

The Sun has been dribbling out extracts from the Simon Cowell book all week - the suspicion that Sun staff might struggle with the reading borne out by the fact that it appears to take two people to copy chunks out and pretend it is interesting. They've bought a second book, too, a muck-rakey story about Jessie J. As a result, today's front page is especially unedifying:

Jessie gay
Simon NOT gay
Voice star 'is a secret lesbian'
Cowell: I'm totally straight

POP beauty Jessie J is 100 per cent lesbian, an explosive book claims.

Yes, the front page of a national newspaper is given over to a claim about a young woman's sexuality based on a book that isn't even about her.

The Voice judge, 24, was ordered to hide the truth from fans by claiming to be merely bisexual, the unauthorised biography says.

What? "Merely bisexual"? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Besides "demeaning to bisexuals". Does the paper believe that bisexuality is somehow the easy option? That isn't true.

Oh, but it's trendy, isn't it?

The Voice judge, 24, was ordered to hide the truth by record bosses to avoid turning off male fans, the unauthorised biography says.

They advised the star to say she was a bisexual who liked boys AND girls, because that was trendy.

That'd be right, as no man has ever had a sexual fantasy featuring a lesbian, ever. That's a fact.

Does The Sun really think that outing people - or, rather, choosing to disparage their own choice of self-sexual identification - is what a newspaper should be doing in 2012?

The author of the book, Chloe Gavin, claims:

“Being gay would alienate people. They knew how important image was and asked her to tone it down a bit.

“There are so many homophobes out and there were fears of a career-damaging backlash.”

It's true - being bisexual really takes the huff out of the homophobes. Who can forget Westboro Baptist Chruch, picketing funerals with signs saying 'God hates fags - if only you'd had sex with a woman from time to time, that would have been alright'.

There's a stern warning at the foot of the page:

© The Sun. Our lawyers are watching.

Presumably not lawyers who understand the bit about the right to a private life. Although, given how their company hacked and trailed solicitors, that's a typo and should read 'we're watching your lawyers'.

Lambert's lament

Oh, poor Adam Lambert, he struggled so much dropping the gay kiss from his show when he played Malaysia:

"I think it's a tough decision to make, but to me, there are so many amazing fans in Malaysia that it's more important for me to be able to come and do my show there for them and entertain them and thank them for supporting me."

Really?

"My main goal is to keep people entertained - not to make them uncomfortable," he explained.

"It's something I'm doing out of respect. It's just one little thing. Man kissing another man is something that government really doesn't appreciate."

Well, yes, if the government doesn't like it then you shouldn't do it, should you? Because why should you have sense of spine and stand up to a bigoted, homophobic ruling?

Dropping the kiss wasn't a "tough decision", Adam. Keeping it in would have been tough. Canceling the gig would have been a "tough decision". Caving in and saying that if the Malaysian government says being gay is wrong, then it's 'disrespectful' to say 'no it isn't' isn't craven and weak.

Gordon in the morning: Joe McElderberry comes out again

Gordon has been listening to - and by "listening to" I mean "reading in New magazine" - Joe McElderry talking about coming out:

He said: "I was nervous. It's not ideal to have to tell the whole nation that you're gay! I thought, 'Oh my god, this is big stuff'.

"But once I realised who I was as a person, I thought, 'Right, I'm just going to be honest'.

"It makes your life easier."

Bless, Joe thought he was telling the entire nation and that it was "big stuff". Honey, only about six or seven people could even remember who you were, and one of those thought you were Susan Boyle's butler.

Still, I'm sure it did make Joe's life easier. By which he must mean 'it's easier to co-operate with the national newspaper which is going to out you anyway, rather than let it happen to you'.

I wanna sex you down

South Korea's parliament is launching an enquiry into teenage pop bands to explore if they're too sexualised:

"The committee will ask them whether the teenagers have been compelled to wear revealing clothes and sing songs with suggestive moves and lyrics," the aide to lawmaker Ahn Hyoung-Hwan of the ruling Grand National Party told AFP.

"Some of the popular girl groups are sixth and seventh graders (aged 13-14)... we need some legal devices to protect those young performers from possible abuse."

Any suggestion that this is an excuse for South Korean parliamentarians to sit about watching teenage girls in short skirts for "research purposes" is totally wide of the mark.

Depressing news for queer youth

Or, equally possibly, depressing news about queer youth. Stonewall had an online poll to pick GLBT youth's best role model.

Will Young won.

And Joe McEdderly got 10% of the poll.

Between them, that's over two thirds of the vote.

Two men who took a decision to hide their sexuality lest it harm their chances on a game show, and who carried on hiding until forced out by the tabloids.

Even more depressingly, Stonewall are using their results as a reason to cheer, rather than putting their head in their hands and crying:

Stonewall Chief Executive Ben Summerskill said: "Young people involved with Stonewall tell us that role models help them overcome the homophobic bullying that’s rife in Britain’s schools. Pop culture is hugely influential to young people so it’s encouraging to see more openly lesbian, gay and bisexual British pop stars.

"Joe McElderry is already recognised as a role model so the scene is now set for him to become every bit as popular with young gay people as Will Young."

Stonewall, you don't think that their message - hide it as long as you can, because being gay will really hold you back; wait until you've got no choice and then do a deal with the people who are forcing you out - isn't one you should be celebrating?

I'm picturing a thousand provincial bedrooms, with teens looking a photos of Will Young, thinking "if I can hide it for a while longer..."

Stonewall should seriously think about giving up if they think this is a reason to celebrate.

Elton's friends: Playing for Rush

It comes to something when even the Daily Mail can smell that there's something badly wrong with Elton John playing Rush Limbaugh's wedding.

Furnish later revealed to People magazine that John justified his appearance by telling him: 'Life is about building bridges, not walls.'

Is it, though? Sure, it's good to be generous, and perhaps make a pointed point about how you're playing the wedding of a man who believes you shouldn't have the right to get married; even taking a fee from someone who uses his platform to rail against AIDS charities, to give to an AIDS charity.

But on the other hand: that's just self-justifying rubbish, isn't it? Limbaugh believes that money can buy anything - even a gay man's conscience - and you've proved him right. The "build bridges not walls" argument could cover any sort of dealing with the enemies.

It's true that both Limbaugh and John support civil unions but not gay marriage, so on that they're not so very far apart - Limbaugh has a "they can't help it" attitude, and John fears that the idea of marriage is a demand too far. He's keen to stress that he isn't Mr Furnish: "We're not married. Let's get that right. We have a civil partnership. What is wrong with Proposition 8 is that they went for marriage. Marriage is going to put a lot of people off, the word marriage."

Yes, Elton, god forbid you should be treated equally if it might upset some people.

Perhaps it's this pissweak spirit of worrying more about upsetting rich bigots than fighting for civil liberties that makes John tinkling over Limbaugh's big keyboard not so surprising.

But only a fool would believe that a right-wing friend of Rush would be sat listening to Crocodile Rock thinking "you know what, maybe we should be helping fight the AIDS crisis..."

[Thanks to Michael M]

Gordon in the morning: Coming out in public

After having undergone a public coming out in The Sun on Saturday, can Joe McElderry now have his privacy back?

No, it turns out: Today, Gordon's splashing a long interview with Sean Ryan.

Who he?

THE boy who was the first to share a gay kiss with X Factor winner JOE McELDERRY

There's something that smells really bad about this whole endeavor. The article is bylined to two of Gordon's team:

By ROBIN PERRIE and CHRIS POLLARD

Two journalists - let's use the term loosely - to write up a story which is little more than "I had a single sort-of date and a couple of quick snogs with a bloke who people can't quite remember if he was from Britain's Got Talent or the other one." Who they've just turned up for the very next paper after the Joe outing edition? And with the piece run as a lead story?

The idea that Joe coming out was front page news was stretching things a bit - the background story must be more interesting than what has gone into the paper.

In other not-actually-news, Beci Wood appears to have just copied a press release onto her PC:

THE WANTED proved boybands are back in business as they stormed to No.1 yesterday with their debut single All Time Low.

Were boybands ever out of business? I'm sure my life would have felt much better if they had been.

Gordon in the morning: Joe comes out

Just a few short days after Gordon Smart's snurkling at a gay man and casual tossing about of "bender", Joe McElderly chooses Gordon's column to come out. With an "exclusive".

The title bar on the page insists:

Joe McElderry admits that he is gay | The Sun | Showbiz | Bizarre

Why would you come out to a column that feels saying you're gay is something you admit to, like a murder or liking Dominic Mohan?

In fact, why is this splashed all over Gordon's page, larded with "exclusive" labels?

JOE McELDERRY told last night how gossip on the social networking website Twitter persuaded him to come out as gay.

The X Factor champ, who hit No1 with his single The Climb, was targeted by hackers who broke into his account and "outed" him for a joke.

That's a change. Usually it's tabloid journalists getting in touch, threatening to run a story unless the celebrity - or, in this case, Joe - co-operates with the outing. That hasn't happened here, then. Obviously.

So, "hackers" posted made-up stories to Joe's Twitter saying he was coming out. What then?

But as the shock subsided, proud Joe admitted the message made him realise his true feelings.

Eh? You're telling us, Gordon, that Joe didn't know he was gay until someone posted a fake message saying he was gay?

"I think the Twitter thing was the point when I realised I was gay. I just looked at it and thought, 'Should I be more bothered about this'?

"Because I wasn't, that's when it clicked and I thought maybe I was. It was a turning point, definitely."

I know some people believe everything that they read on the internet, and are incapable of filtering out made-up Tweets from genuine ones, but this surely must be the first time somebody has ever consulted their own stream and gone "oh, it turns out I'm not straight. Better open up a Gaydar account."

Still, let's pretend that's exactly the way it happened.

There is one honest detail tucked in the long interview where Joe runs through a story of his sudden gay awareness:

"I am a really private person and I want to continue like that.

A really private person, and yet one who supposedly happily handed his coming out to a gossipy rag.

Naturally, being something to do with The X Factor, Simon Cowell has to telephone in an appearance:

"He said, 'Hi, it's Simon. You know, I 100 per cent agree with what you are doing. It's fantastic. I am here at the end of the phone if you need any support and we are thrilled for what you're doing'.

"It's great. It would have been a bit of a nightmare had they said they didn't want this to happen, but they've been totally fine."

It's not like the revelation is going to hurt his sales, is it?

Alongside Gordon's interview, there's a horribly patronising piece by The Sun's agony aunt Deirdre Saunders:

EVEN these days coming out takes a lot of courage.

In theory gay people aren't supposed to suffer from any prejudice in this country but, as I hear from readers every week, many do.

Yes, Deirdre. The paper you write for thinks it's alright to use the word "bender" in headlines. You don't appear to have noticed that you are very much part of the prejudice.

Madonna unhappy with Malawi

I'm often quite hard on Madonna, so fair play to her for not mincing her words about the sentences handed by Malawian courts to two gay men.

Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza have been sentenced to 14 years' hard labour for gross indecency. Of the being gay sort.

Madonna is shaking her head:

"I am shocked and saddened by the decision made by the Malawian court, which sent two innocent men to prison," Madonna said Friday in a statement posted on her web site.

"Malawi took a giant step backward," the singer continued. "The world is filled with pain and suffering; therefore, we must support out basic human right to love and be loved."

"I call upon the progressive men and women of Malawi - and around the world - to challenge this decision in the name of human dignity and equal rights for all," Madonna said.

Of course, she is a little compromised - after all, she was quite happy for the Malawian courts to ignore the basic rights of people when she swooped in to collect children. And while it's great that she's standing up for gay rights in Malawi, it sits uncomfortably with her attempts to establish the New York brand of Kabbalah in the country - a cult which is quite happy to call homosexuality a sin. Because that'll help.

Gordon in the morning: Where sexual politics meets football

With Cheryl Cole over trying desperately to interest the Americans, she's been hanging out with the Black Eyed Peas. Fergie made some sort of joke that she might have sex with Cole.

Gordon Smart and Ashley Cole's teammates have exploded as a result:

JOHN TERRY, DIDIER DROGBA and FRANK LAMPARD have been among those teasing the Chelsea defender with jibes like "You've turned your wife gay".

Apart from being pre-juvenile, this doesn't even make any sense at all. How does a bisexual woman saying she finds someone attractive make the object of her attention gay?

Gordon, footballers: it doesn't work like that. Gay and bisexual people don't go round firing some sort of queerectoplasm at straight people turning them gay.

It doesn't even make any sense to 'blame' Ashley - Cheryl is hanging out with the Peas because of her career, not because she used to be married to Ashley, so even if you were going to bother to make a joke, it would be "ha ha, her career has made your ex-wife attractive to bisexual women". Which wouldn't be funny. Which is exactly the same as the original remarks, but at least has a degree of accuracy.

And they have laughed that Ashley, 29 - dumped by Cheryl over his cheating - might have missed out on a threesome, telling him: "You could have been in the middle of that!"

That makes even less sense - if you assume that Ashley had turned Cheryl gay, why would he be involved in a threesome with her and Fergie? Why would someone whose sexuality you have somehow re-engineered away from heterosexuality then invite you to have sex with them?

I know footballers aren't meant to be that smart, but surely they've seen enough websites to understand this sort of thing a bit better?

Gordon in the morning: Playground taunts

You know what, Gordon Smart? Using the word 'lesbo' in a headline is low even by your standards.

By the way: Brooke Vincent isn't actually gay, so her interest in a man isn't in any way strange - she only pretends to be Sophie Webster. In the same way that I wouldn't let the bloke who plays her Dad fix the brakes on your car. Not even your car, Gordon Smart.

Ricky Martin comes out... apparently

Ten years after Barbara Walters asked, Ricky Martin has finally answered:

According to the Associated Press, Ricky Martin, who's 38, decided he didn't want to keep any secrets in the closet. But what closet? Frankly this blogger was surprised to learn Ricky Martin was straight.

If Martin's coming out was late in timing, it was dull as hell in form. It was almost as if he hoped he could bore people away from the announcement before he got to the announcement:

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And thisis something worth celebrating.

For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive. I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I'm feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.

Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important", "it's not worth it", "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse", "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature". Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.

If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war...child slavery, terrorism...the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.

These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.

What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

"Righto, Mr. Martin. So I'm putting down as 'man looking for men', then."

It's great that Martin has decided to come out, but there's always something a little queasy about a man pushing his was to the front of the Gay Pride floats after he's spent the last two decades firmly at the head of the "Heh! That's a personal question - let's just say I'm sexual and mention that I have so many female fans" Pride march.

Barbara Walters: "Ricky Martin should have been protected by don't ask, don't tell"

You can feel sympathy for Barbara Walters. If you were forced to try and find something worthwhile to ask Ricky Martin, you'd be hard put to come up with anything other than "so, cock's nice, innit?"

Ten years on, though, and Babs is finding her interview gnawing away at her:

"In 2000, I pushed Ricky Martin very hard to admit if he was gay or not, and the way he refused to do it made everyone decide that he was," Walters said. "A lot of people say that destroyed his career, and when I think back on it now I feel it was an inappropriate question."

Yes, that's right. It was how Ricky Martin answered one of your questions that made people wonder if he might find men sexually attractive. Up until that moment, the thought had never flitted across anyone's mind.

Equally right is the suggestion that a stuttery answer to a nosey question killed his career. The lack of having very much in the way of musical talent really didn't factor in at all. "I'd buy the sixteenth lukewarm rehash of La Vida Loca, but since he didn't give Barbara Walters a straight answer I think 'll pass."