Newton's conclusions

Today's Bizarre is, if anything, even thinner than yesterday's holiday service: the second story is, erm, a single photo of French and Saunders dressed up as Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears.

Even Newton struggles to explain why she's placed a promotional picture for a clapped-out TV series as her second story, coming up with this:

FRENCH and SAUNDERS are keeping tabs on my Wino Watch campaign.

The comedy duo are back on TV next week decked out as AMY DECLINEHOUSE and BRITNEY SPEARS – and here’s how they look.

Yes, Victoria. But for your coverage of Amy Winehouse's addiction problems, it's unlikely French and Saunders would have heard of her.