Gordon in the morning: Choices, choices

For Alexandra Burke the city was crowded, her friends were away, and she was on her own:

While other chart stars had headed off to Bangor in Wales to perform at Radio 1's Big Weekend, Alexandra chose to thrill the crowds in the capital.

She played GAY - which really has become just another tick box on the list now - rather than playing the big, high-profile Bangor event on the TV and the radio and the onlines. That much is true. I'm doubting there was very much "choice" involved, though.

Meanwhile, Cheryl Cole is burbling on about how GREAT it is to be thin:

The 5ft 3in X Factor judge, who weighs 7st, revealed a fan keeps her image on the fridge as motivation for gym sessions.

She said: "I like to think I can be inspiring someone like that."

Surely that would only work if you took your fridge to the gym? Wouldn't it be better to have the picture of Cole on your gym locker? Or does she just despise Cole so much, she can't stand to be in the house if there's a photo of her on the fridge?

I wonder which picture of Cole the fan has put on the fridge door? Perhaps this is the one she uses to "thinspire" her:

But it's not all great for Cheryl, you know:

But Cheryl, 26, finds being a beauty icon "cringeworthy".

Well, if by "being a beauty icon" she means "appearing in Nestle's L'Oreal adverts", yes, that is pretty cringeworthy.

Gordon rounds off his piece with this helpful background detail:

The GIRLS ALOUD star is rumoured to follow the blood group diet, which limits foods to a person's blood type.

That's unlike the rest of Girls Aloud, who enjoy all the blood groups in their diet.alex

Duff and Duffier: That Coke ad again

Sorry to return to the Duffy Diet Coke ad, but it's just appeared online:



It's even worse when you can see it, isn't it?

There's even more "explanation" of the "concept" on the Creative Review blog:

“It used to be about girls using their breaks to ogle construction workers, but now they’ve got better things to do than sit around and wait for semi-naked men,” says Jonny Ng, creative on the ad. “Diet Coke’s now about inspiring women to take control and do the right thing for themselves.”

Wow. It's not about making you a little less thirsty, then?

Duffy was chosen for the ad because “she’s the epitome of the Diet Coke girl”, continues Ng. “Aspirational, ambitious but knows when to duck out and do her own thing. In the ad she celebrates taking a moment to herself by belting out Sammy Davis Jr.’s ‘I’ve got to be me’.”

She celebrates "taking a moment to herself"? Does Ng actually listen to himself when he's saying stuff like this?

And if she's so busily "doing her own thing", how come she's caving into the demands of society by 'dieting' with a Diet Coke? Huh?

Actually, it looks like she's stolen a bicycle and is celebrating that. Diet Coke: The choice for bicycle thieves.

Louise flogs diets

Having done her stint "trying out" being size zero last year, it's something of a surprise to discover she's flogging diets for Boots.

Louise is fronting up a Body Mass Index campaign for the store:

The 'Know Your Figure' campaign aims to educate Brits on how to work out the healthy weight range for their individual height and frame, rather than focusing on counting pounds and inches.

Although, erm, body mass index is discovered by counting pounds and inches and doing some maths with them. And the United Nations Standing Committee on Nutrition has some misgivings about the body mass index in the first place. And we're not sure that merely shifting the focus from pounds and ounces to BMI figures actually does anything very much about dealing with the problems which lead to men and women starving themselves to death, does it?

Lily Allen: consistency

Lily Allen's position on those who hold up being wafer-thin as the only form of human perfection couldn't be clearer:

, “Fashion editors can fuck off. Lots of them are responsible for the skinny issue. If fashion editors put bigger models in their magazines, then maybe girls wouldn’t be sticking their fingers down their throats so much.

“It makes me so angry, they should think more about what they’re doing to the younger generation.

“It’s in the magazines’ and advertisers’ interests to make girls want to be skinny and feel shit about themselves because then they will go out and buy their products. It’s just another part of the capitalist, materialistic, evil world that we live in.”

Indeed. And - however much her music might consist of spiteful nursery rhymes set to a Madness covers band backing track - at least Lily's unequivocal rejection of the demand that all role models be sticks is something of which she can be justly proud.

Oh, hang on a moment. The Daily Mail is excitedly announcing that she's dropped from a size 12 to a size 8:

Allen, 22, is delighted with her new look and said: "After the hypnotism, I want to go to the gym every day, otherwise I feel really bad.

"I just want to get more toned and healthy. I'm really good about everything at the moment - I've never been happier."

Aah, so it's alright, then - she's not dieting, like the way those evil capitalist magazines want, she's getting toned. So, erm, that's alright then.

Beth Ditto misunderstands Missy

Every time the Beth Ditto phone rings, we find out buttocks clenching - what's she going to say now?

Now, it turns out, she's keen to have a go at Missy Elliot for losing weight, and setting a bad example.

Now, there are probably hundreds of celebrities who have lost weight they didn't need to use, promoting a terrible body image, and feeding eating disorders in young men and women. Why choose Missy - who has at least settled on a sensible weight - rather than, say, Amy Winehouse or Kate Moss, Beth?

Oh. Yes, we forgot, it's impossible for your showbiz chums to set a bad example.

So, until Missy pals up with Beth, she's going to have to take this:

"She lost weight! For health. Well it wasn't like she was gonna fall over dead! "

Erm... yes, yes it was, actually, Beth. She was warned that her body shape had raised her blood pressure to a dangerous level where she was at risk from a stroke. While nobody should be forced to conform to body shape to please other people, it's as dangerous to pretend there's no risk in obesity as it is to, say, suggest that anorexia is a lifestyle choice.

But I can understand why it would be so fucking hard for her to be her size (success-wise) and her weight

But it wasn't a problem - she'd already achieved her first success before the weight-loss and was certainly in a position to choose projects.

Having had a go at Missy, Beth then patronises her:

"I never, ever blame the woman in the position for feeling like she needs to change herself; I blame people who are in power and prevent them for doing what they love to do or what they're fucking amazing at, like Missy Elliott, because of the way they look. It's a fucking joke."

Leaving aside the successful albums, the production and mentoring roles, the guest appearances on other artists' records, which predated the weight loss, would Ditto really look Elliott in the face and tell her that she's a poodle of the music industry bosses, that she had no choice but to lose weight because someone in an office told her too? Beth Ditto, do you really believe Elliott is so weak? Do you really believe you're the only person in the music industry capable of making their own choices?

Elliott told Now that she never was put under pressure to slim by the label:

Being in the music industry, which is incredibly image-driven, had you ever felt under pressure to lose weight before?
No, I was lucky. I'd always been happy with my size and the record label never asked me to lose weight.

They saw me as bringing something different to the table and being unique in my own way. I even used to poke fun at my size, which is why I wore an inflatable PVC suit for the video of The Rain.

It's an interesting aspect of Ditto's professed belief in people being free to follow their own way that she can't accept that someone might choose weightloss over diabetes, and feels free to suggest they're incapable of making their own mind up on the issue.

Courtney: Weightloss down to pants, not surgery

Courtney Love is still insisting that her incredible weightloss was down to nothing more than diet shakes and will power - the will power provided by the desire to get into someone's trousers. Todd Lynn's, apparently, or a pair of them, anyway.

If you were that keen to fit into the trousers, why not have someone let them out - we used to have a lady over the road who'd do that, and take up the legs, in return for a box of biscuits and a half-bottle of sherry. A lot easier than crash-weight-loss.

This contradicts Zoe in the Sunday Mirror's revelation that the motivation was to prepare for the Boradway stage, of course.

Love denies she had any surgery:

"I'm not eligible for that. It's illegal for me to get that. You have to be 100 pounds overweight, you have to be grossly obese."

Love, of course, would never consider using any sort of medical technique or product in contravention of the law. Well, except for drugs.

Weighty matters

Having endured the jibes about being kept at the back of the videos and being "the fat one out of Wilson Phillips", Carnie Wilson has had gastric bypass surgery. There's a rare chance to see a popstar's stomach. On the same site Ann Wilson of Heart talks about her Lap Band surgery - believe me, you don't want to know. Personally, we think she looked better before.