Gordon in the morning: This won't hurt a bit

Gordon reports - in the "has read in this month's Esquire magazine" sense of reports - that Robbie Williams is getting a bit of help:

"To cut a long story short I went to get some HGH. It's what all the old fellas are on out there in LA that's making them look 40 instead of 60.

"It's improving their health, their memory, their hair, skin.

"Could give you cancer. I weighed that up. Thought I'd have it anyway. Went to see a Hollywood doctor. Had my blood tests. Went back. He said, 'You don't need HGH. You've got the testosterone of a 100-year-old man.'

"And then everything made sense. It was kind of an epiphany that day."

The testosterone of a 100 year-old man, and the outlook of a twelve year-old. Naturally, Williams has started to inject himself with testosterone. Oddly Smart doesn't seem to see any link between this dependency and Williams' previous use of drugs and alcohol.

And what effect is it having on Williams?

Esquire editor ALEX BILMES pushed him by asking if he would be unfaithful if he could guarantee it would remain a secret.

He replied: "Actually, no, because I don't want to break Ayda's heart. That's the last thing I want to do. I met Ayda, I fell in love, that's what happened.

"But I would be way more tempted because at the end of the day I am a man, with the stuff that makes you a man - go forth and multiply. And multiply with absolutely everyone."

Again, Smart doesn't seem to draw any sort of link between what Williams is putting in his body, and what's coming out of his mouth.

Maybe there's something wrong with her solicitors?

Back in November, second string Minogue Dannii was threatening legal action against the BNP for suggesting that the interview she gave saying "that Jean Marie LePen, he's got a lot of good ideas" and "Asians are pouring into Queensland" and so on supported their policies.

She was going to see a solicitor, you'll recall, and get them to take that site down, since it was misrepresenting her views, expressed in an Esquire interview.

Strangely, the page still sits on the website. Curious, eh?