Admitting, tangentially, that nobody's interested in Beady Eye

There's little surprise that Beady Eye are trying to interest fans by the prospect of playing some songs people might know:

The Liam Gallagher-fronted rock band will dust off tracks made famous by the singer's previous band with brother Noel Gallagher on their UK tour, which kicked off in Manchester yesterday (19.06.13).
Pondering which songs they may play, guitarist Gem Archer is quoted by The Sun newspaper as saying: ''They're always there and we know that we can use them. I'm sure a lot of fans would want to hear them. 'Hung in a Bad Place' would be a good one live, as would 'The Meaning of Soul'.

Yeah, or, you know: the hits. The Oasis hits.

You could also try billing yourself like this:
Liam Gallagher out of
Oasis
and the Beady Eyes

Gordon in the morning: Young people

Could it be true that - like S Club 7 - Beady Eye (the Oasis Outlet store) is going to generate a Juniors spin-off?

Gordon says yes:

A BEADY EYE single was announced yesterday but there is already a Beady Eye Juniors group in the offing.

Unfortunately, his story then says "no":

LIAM GALLAGHER says his son Gene, who's nine, is learning to play drums, while his bandmate GEM ARCHER says his lad Joel, 14, is more interested in dubstep.

Gem told Radio 1: "My son's already making his own dubstep tracks and I'm encouraging the generation gap - I tell him it sounds like two radios playing at the same time."

I've tried putting these two quotes in a centrifuge, I've boiled them to a nothing and stirred the reduction in with a catalyst; I've peered through a telescope, a microscope and an oscilloscope. No way can I see how those two quotes stack up to the imminent formation of a Beady Eye Juniors.

Liam also takes the time to remind us about the Blur-Oasis battle, like a old major recalling the Indian campaigns, blissfully unaware that it was all over:

Liam couldn't resist a dig at old rival DAMON ALBARN when talking about his boy's music taste. He said: "My kids are into that GORILLAZ stuff - and that is music for kids, with all those videos."

I know Gallagher must think this quite the tart put-down, but instead it gives him the air of a confused pensioner muttering "the kids today with their Playboxes and all them shooting games".

Still, given Gallagher's target audience seems now to consist entirely of men born in the immediate postwar years, maybe that won't do him any harm.

Gordon in the morning: Won't someone think of the children

You know what's upsetting in any divorce? When there are kids involved. They can't decide what to do. They're left hoping to get a weekend with one parent here, a spot of playing them off there.

You sympathy, then, for Gem and Andy, left caught in the crossfire when the Gallaghers fell out. Gordon begs for us to share our sympathy:

OASIS stars ANDY BELL and GEM ARCHER must have sore backsides from sitting on the fence.

Uh...

Neither bass player Andy nor guitarist Gem have taken sides with either LIAM or NOEL GALLAGHER since the Oasis split last summer.

Could there be a reason for this elephant-like stately balance?

But Liam is about to get them into rehearsal for live dates later this year and Noel has also needed the lads for demo sessions.

If you were left in any doubt about therestofOasis' status in Oasis, Gordon's "source" more or less nails it:

"It's great for Gem and Andy, though. They get paid twice, but it's bound to lead to trouble in the future."

Andy Bell was one of the most talented musicians of his generation, and he wound up effectively working as a labourer on wages. Perhaps rather than feting both his former employers, he could take the chance to do something that makes better use of his skills.

Meanwhile, Smart has words to chill the blood:

I hear Noel has more than enough material for a solo album.

Although that's not surprising, as the last few Oasis albums showed he considered a half-finished chorus and a couple of weak retreads of the earlier stuff more than enough for an album.

You have to hope this is a gag... but it isn't

No, the announcement of another collaboration between Weller, Gallagher N and Gem from Heavy Stereo is not a gag.

James P wrote to tell us about DigitalSpy's spoof: Fearne Cotton being made head of ITV Entertainment:

Cotton said: "It's amazing. I can't actually believe it, it's brilliant. Wicked.

Sadly, though, DSpy have taken the page down since. Perhaps it was someone spoofing them rather than an idea that originated in their own offices.