The Hoosiers are unmoved

The Hoosiers are disgruntled with the Kings of Leon:

Irwin Sparkes claimed the Tennessee band's headline slot was disappointing because it didn't feel "special".

"I saw them at Glasto and they are good but they just don’t put on much of a show," he told the Daily Star.

Countering this, The Kings of Leon, like most people, feel quite upset when the Hoosiers do put on a show. Of any sort.

Darkness at 3AM: Off to Maidstone

The 3AM Girls seem a little more fond of One Big Weekend, although it seems their access was limited to little bands complaining about the bigger stars, like The Fratellis, who had a point about Madonna's arrival:

Singer Jon Fratelli told us: "Who does Madonna think she is?

"I'm not into all this - we're all here to perform together. What happened to rock 'n' roll? Why is she even here? Everything has been changed around just for her and her ridiculous entourage.

"That's why we brought our own security team of midgets to look after us - and they're doing a great job. If she has an entourage then we're going to have one, too. Those people also ate all the food, so we had to order 18 pizzas from Domino's.

How very Live TV of them.

Meanwhile, The Kooks were wailing that Kylie wouldn't let them go to her party last week:

Luke, 23, (below) told us: "We heard she was having a party so asked if we could come." But Kylie moves in her own way - and said no way!

"We were gutted. I like her and her songs. I won't give up. "We'll try again next time we're in the same city."

We love the way Luke thinks there's something mysterious about Kylie saying no, as if that's just the kind of strange response you'd only expect from her, rather than the default position for anyone offered the chance of spending time with The Kooks.

So, did the 3AM Girls get any big story?

The Hoosiers frontman Irwin Sparkes has hired a bodyguard for his scared girlfriend - after she freaked out about an online fans' forum that went on about cooking and eating her!

No.

It's a shame about Ray

DigitalSpy reheats a story from this morning's Daily Star which claims some poor kid somewhere is going to be named after a Hoosiers song.

Before you call social services, let's just look at the facts:

Lead singer Irwin Sparkes also received an offer to be godfather to the autograph-hunter's twins while holidaying in Mallorca, according to the Daily Star.

A source said: "Irwin was approached by a guy in Mallorca who asked for his autograph, they chatted for a bit then went their separate ways.

"An hour later he came back with his pregnant girlfriend. He asked Irwin to be godfather to his unborn twins and promised they'd name one Ray if they had a boy."

So, for a start, this is from a "source" - what possible grounds could there be for not revealing who fed this story to the papers? Is it such a terrible secret that the Star had to hear it at midnight in an underground car park? Did Dawn Neesom herself spot a plant pot on a balcony in town, alerting her to a potential leak of such magnitude?

But let's assume that this "source" exists and that the story is genuine: it hangs on the supposition that there was someone in Mallorca who recognised Irwin Sparkes, and was then so thrilled to get an autograph that - for some reason - an hour later he offered him the naming rights to one of his kids. And godfathership. And yet he said he'd name the kid Ray after one of the songs, and not Irwin, after Irwin?

We're not saying it didn't happen. But we're surprised that even the Daily Star felt that it was worth sharing. Filling the pages must be challenging now they're trying hard not to lie about the McCanns anymore.