Joni Mitchell is unwell, but not that unwell

There are reports floating about this morning that Joni Mitchell is in a coma.

She's not, says her website:

Leslie Morris, who is with Joni in the hospital, has approved the following statement to be made through JoniMitchell.com: "Contrary to rumors circulating on the Internet today, Joni is not in a coma. Joni is still in the hospital - but she comprehends, she’s alert, and she has her full senses. A full recovery is expected. The document obtained by a certain media outlet simply gives her longtime friend Leslie Morris the authority - in the absence of 24-hour doctor care - to make care decisions for Joni once she leaves the hospital. As we all know, Joni is a strong-willed woman and is nowhere near giving up the fight. Please continue to keep Joni in your thoughts." You may add your well wishes for her at the website WeLoveYouJoni.com

Yes, that's right: somehow, a document transferring power of attorney has somehow wound up in the public domain.

Joni Mitchell is in hospital

There's some grim news this morning from Joni Mitchell's official website:

Joni was found unconscious in her home this afternoon. She regained consciousness on the ambulance ride to an L.A. area hospital. She is currently in intensive care undergoing tests and is awake and in good spirits. More updates to come as we hear them. Light a candle and sing a song, let's all send good wishes her way.

There was a brief update later on:

Joni has been hospitalized. We are awaiting official word on her condition and will post it here as soon as we know.

Joni Mitchell: These insects crawling on my skin, why can I never find them?

Turns out that Joni Mitchell wants to quit music to concentrate on helping people with Morgellons.

People with Morgellons feel as if they have bugs or threads on their skin - yes, your first thought is the one they usually get from their doctors. Joni did when she went for help for the condition:

“In America, the Morgellons is always diagnosed as “delusion of parasites,” and they send you to a psychiatrist,” she added later. “I’m actually trying to get out of the music business to battle for Morgellons sufferers to receive the credibility that’s owed to them.”

Some people believe there are actually bugs or threads or something there; and from there it is but a short step to deciding that it's something to do with nanotechnology and chemtrails and government experiments. And nothing helps you get people to take something serious than having symptoms that sound like an acid flashback and a community fixated on an X-Files style conspiracy.

So Mitchell is going to try and get the condition properly investigated.

But she still has time for a quick pop at Bob Dylan:

“Bob is not authentic at all,” Mitchell said. “He’s a plagiarist and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is a deception. We are like night and day, he and I.”

No word yet on if Dylan has been manufactured using nanotechnology.

Joni Mitchell lights up

So, how did Joni Mitchell come to get her distinctive voice? Twenty a day, from middle school age, apparently:

"I have smoked since I was nine, so obviously it didn't affect my early work that much."

"I would grab my tobacco and get on my bike, looking for a beautiful place, a grove of trees or a field, and go amongst the bushes and smoke and that always gave me a sense of well being."

And now the government's taken away that innocent childhood pleasure, along with working up chimneys and heroin-filled chews in the pick'n'mix.

Still, Joni's still got her smoking, and she's still got fire in her belly:

"I was mad at America, mad at the government, mad at the people for not doing something about it. They were going to be so quick to impeach Clinton for kinky sex but slow to do something about Bush and his Nazi stormtroopers. All that loss of freedom and everybody just kind of oblivious. It's dumb and it's dangerous."

We're not sure that Clinton's sex was that kinky - maybe if he'd been wearing Lewinsky's dress, it'd have been heading in that direction, but otherwise it was as vanilla as it was illicit. And we're not sure that suggesting Bush has Nazi stormtroopers is entirely helpful, either - Bush is unpleasant enough in his own, untrammeled capitalism without having to throw Nazis into the mix. But we'd rather have Joni Mitchell being political than Duran self-censoring to avoid sounding "angry" any time. Especially in these times.