Simon LeBon is a super puffer

Simon LeBon's calling out of Robin Thicke for misogynystic bullshit is welcome:

“The problem with Robin Thicke’s video is it disempowered all the women in it,”[...]
“I think Robin made a bit of a mistake, because he’s not a bad guy, he’s not a misogynist, but he’s getting off on the chicks in the video and all that stuff. The theme of the song is, 'You say you don’t want it, but you do’, and that’s, actually, quite scary if you carry it through, so I felt that that was a mistake.”

Because, of course, Duran Duran would never have used naked women to pep up a pop video, would they? Why, LeBon might demand to know if we should be flinging this filth at our pop kids.

What's also notable is where The Daily Telegraph caught up with him:

Le Bon [spoke with] Mandrake at Boisdale Canary Wharf, where he was crowned The Spectator Cigar Smoker of the Year.

Simon LeBon is the what now? There are many things I think of when I think of Simon LeBon, but 'there's not just a cigar smoker, but probably the Wayne Rooney of cigar smokers' isn't one of them.

Gordon in the morning: The Sun is a very different place

The Sun just can't help itself, can it? Yesterday, it ran shoddy long-lens photos of Stacey Solomon smoking (apparently this is in the public interest because she's pregnant, and as we all know, once you've conceived your uterus instantly becomes property of the commonwealth; besides, she was on telly singing, right?)

And having had the public beheading, today Smart's column puts the head on a pole and makes it talk, with Solomon forced to beg for forgiveness:

"Every puff is sneaky and guilty and I know I'm doing something bad.

"Seeing the pictures put it into perspective about how awful it looks and was the spur to seek the help I need.[...]
"And thank you to The Sun from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to write this piece."

In case it just looks like bullying, here's a medical opinion:

By CAROL COOPER, Sun Doctor
UNBORN babies whose mums smoke get less oxygen and less nourishment because the placenta does not work as well.

And every time the mum takes a puff, the baby's heartbeat surges.

Smokers are also more likely to go into early labour. Stacey really should quit.

You know what will really help with that? How about sneaking about shoving cameras in her face, running pieces denouncing her in the papers, and then simpering the obvious but simplistic "Stacey should stop" without any balancing thoughts about why it might be difficult to stop an addiction, especially when you have the added stress of men with massive cameras trying to get photos of "your bump" every time you step outdoors.

Smoking while pregnant isn't a good thing to do. But neither are show trials.

Kid Rock says sorry

Who knew that Kid Rock would apologise for something after all?

Admittedly, he's said sorry for smoking in a no-smoking venue, but it's still the first step in turning over a new leaf.

At this rate, we might get a 'sorry' for Rock & Roll Jesus by Christmas.

Sugar Ray's thesingerfromSugarRay offers some advice to Obama

CNN's iReport finds space for Sugar Ray's Mark McGrath to offer some advice to Barack Obama on, erm, stopping smoking - although, frankly, the very thought of getting advice from Sugar Ray about anything is enough to make strong men think about taking up heroin.

McGrath offers to quit alcohol if Barack gives up smoking. Oh, yes, because if he won't do it for his health, or his kids - or to avoid the shame of having to stand outside the next G8 meeting in a converted bus shelter to grab a puff - surely the thought of taking a challenge from the singerfromSugarRay out of Sugar Ray will be the clinching reason?

Keys stubs out the fag sponsors

So, are we to believe that Alicia Keys was unaware of the sponsorship of her Jakarta gig by Philip Morris, or just unaware that anyone would notice until the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids started to make a fuss?

Now, the adverts for the ciggies are being taken down - although it's not clear if the concert is still being underwritten by the cigarette manufacturer. And Keys has issued a statement:

"I apologize for any misleading advertising initially associated with the show," she said in a statement released by her record label, Sony BMG. "I am an unyielding advocate for the well-being of children around the world and do not condone or endorse smoking.

"I look forward to bringing my music and message to my wonderful fans in Jakarta."

It's funny, that - so desperately anti-smoking, and yet somehow her gig has been promoting it in Jakarta. You'd have to wonder how that could happen without her knowing.

Contact Music prejudges outcome

As if the 'Mark Ronson puffs on stage' story wasn't slight enough, Contact Music manage to bungle the reporting:

West Oxfordshire District have confirmed they have launched an investigation into the allegations and will be examining photo evidence of the gig.

A council spokeswoman tells British newspaper the Daily Mirror, "Our environmental health department will be investigating it and meeting with organisers and reviewing what went on. We can't say now whether we're prosecuting him (Ronson) or not."

If he is prosecuted over the offence, Ronson will receive a minor $100 (GBP50) penalty but the event's organiser will be fined $5,000 (GBP2,500).

Erm... you don't get fined when you're prosecuted, but if you're convicted - and then, those are maximum fines.

Still, great news for the good people of West Oxfordshire District Council to see how their council tax is being wasted - the council has even established a freephone line for snitching ('free' in the sense of 'paid for by council tax'); it's far from clear which member of the public complained about Ronson's fag - or, indeed, if an outdoor stage is an indoor space in the meaning of the act. Surely this is a case where a ticking off - rather than an expensive prosecution - is commensurate?

Darkness at 3AM: Have you got a light?

Britney Spears - who may or may not be pregnant, but almost certainly isn't - has a cigarette after an early-morning work-out session.

So, if she's smoking a fag, why have 3AM headlined the 'story':

No morning cigness as Brit lights up

If you must go with the "cigness"/"sickness" pun, shouldn't you at least drop the "no" in order to make any sense at all?

Camel stubs out South

Good on South, who took up the offer of a Camel-sponsored slot at SXSW but - to not sell out the The Man (or, in this case, the Emphysemic Camel) told the audience to not smoke. As a joke. Because it's bad for you.

Camel - who, let's not forget, are obliged by law to put a statement on their fag packets that says 'don't smoke, it's bad for you' - didn't see the funny side, and decided to withhold payment.

It turns out that the gag cost South quite a lot - they were meant to be recompensed for traveling from London to Texas. Ten grand's worth.

Legal action is now being considered.

Lavigne decides smoking is big, clever

Avril Lavigne - what is she, about twelve? She's been revealing her big plan for the next tour in which she'll show she's, like, a rebel:

I’m covering [Joan Jett’s] ‘Bad Reputation,’” she says. “While I’m singing the track, there will be a montage of videos of me with a cigarette, flipping the bird.”

You're twenty-bloody-three. 23 year-old women don't get a bad reputation because they smoke - you'd be more credible if you had a montage of you, i don't know, cutting dancer's wages, perhaps.

Indies smack Stone over puffers puff piece

Cigarette advertising. It's a touchy subject, even in those countries where it's still legal to push fags, like America. Rolling Stone is finding this out the hard way - where the phrase "hard way" refers to "not having thought through the consequences of certain actions". An apparent attempt to link indie rock and Camel cigarettes through a pull-out special section in the magazine has received threats of legal action from nine states of the Union and this angry letter from labels representing the acts who were bounced into endorsing lung cancer:

"An Open Letter to Rolling Stone"

We, the undersigned independent record labels, wish to share our indignation regarding Rolling Stone's November 15th pull out editorial, which featured the names of our artists in conjunction with an ad for Camel cigarettes. This editorial cartoon gives every impression of being part and parcel of the advertisement wrapped around it.

The use of an artist's name to promote a brand or product should be done only with the artist's explicit consent, something that was neither solicited nor obtained from the labels or bands.

When questioned, Rolling Stone has referred to the "Indie Rock Universe" pull out section as an "editorial", but it hardly seems accidental that this editorial content is wrapped in a giant ad from R.J. Reynolds announcing their support for independent artists and labels. The idea that this was a coincidence in any way seems dubious at best. There are two other pull out sections in this same issue of Rolling Stone. Both are wrapped in advertising, but neither of these ads could be construed as part of the editorial content within.

Many of the bands named, and the labels that represent them, are very unhappy with the implication that they have any involvement with R.J. Reynolds and Camel cigarettes. We ask that Rolling Stone apologize for blurring the line between editorial and advertisement, and in doing so, implying that the bands named support the product being advertised.

Sincerely,

Kill Rock Stars, Touch and Go, Skin Graft, Lovepump United, Lucky Madison, 5RC, Audio Dregs, and Fryk Beat.

Some of the bands who feature in the pull-out are also less than thrilled at having their name linked with ciggies. Fucked Up, for example:

It was definetely a "wtf" moment. We were confused because we had seen the pullout online a few weeks prior and just thought it was some Rolling Stone article, because the online version isn't connected to any advertisment. We got an email from our friends AIDS WOLF a few days ago saying that all these bands were in a Camel ad but that no smoke cigarettes one knew what it looked like. It took a bit of searching to figure out that the pullout was the ad. We didn't think it was exciting, just lame. I mean its hard to explain how you react to something like this - I wasn't so much angry, just bummed out. It's just so typical that this would happen, and there is nothing you can really do about it. I know that Camel is being sued now by US states, but ours is a different issue and almost has nothing to do with Camel - there are so many levels that things like this happen through, its hard to even figure out who to be mad at.

Of course, the co-option of bands into advertising materials is dubious regardless of what the product is; you just think that with cigarettes, they'd be a little more careful than usual.

Winehouse hair storage

From the looks of a video that's currently circulating on the internet, Amy Winehouse uses her beehive like Marge Simpson uses hers. Only while Marge keeps the family's saving money jar in her hair, Amy appears to keep some her Vicks inhaler in there; rummaging about and then snorting to clear her passages. It's horrible being congested, isn't it?

Meanwhile, she's been winning friends by locking herself in the toilets for a crafty fag. Unfortunately, she's been doing it on a plane:

Finally a fed-up female crew member announced on the Tannoy: “Our famous little friend is smoking in the toilet. It’s just that the smoke alarm hasn’t gone off yet.”

A 23-year-old girl passenger said: “It’s one rule for her and another one for us.

“I’d have been arrested if I was caught smoking in the toilet and rightly so.

“Fair enough she’s stressed out but it’s not exactly a long-haul flight.”

British Airways have denied the cabin announcement was made and have promised an "investigation" - it's not clear if they're investigating the announcement or the smoking, or indeed why; but given British Airways ability to cock things up on a grand scale, we don't imagine we'll ever hear of the investigation ever again.

That's why Mum's gone to the smoking shelter

Having miscarried and then demiscarried the baby, you'd understand that Kerry Katona would be careful about the health of the foetus she's carrying. That's why she's only having the odd fag during trips to the boozer:

: "I was smoking 20 a day before I was pregnant and I've cut down to one. In the morning, I like a little puff on a fag."

She said of those who criticise her for continuing to smoke in defiance of medical guidelines: "Yeah, they're dead bloody right. But I honestly don't think a couple of puffs are going to do that much damage.

"I had a nicotine patch but it left a mark. I think I've done really well cutting down from 20 to one a day. I think the only times I really smoke is when I've had a drink."

So she only has one a day, in the morning, when she's had a drink?

Katona is still being used as the face of Iceland, although the company seems to have given up on the unlikely scenario of Kerry being a kind of Delia-Smith-on-milk-tokens welcoming grinning visitors by opening up her prawn ring. The new commercials feature Kerry as a newsreader detailing the latest bargains from the eyelids-and-batter merchants - which does, unfortunately, recall the Woolworths ads where a fluffy sheep struggled to deliver low-price headlines from a barely moving autocue.

Elsewhere, Katona has cheerfully told a magazine that she's going to get sterilized as soon as this latest kid is out. Presumably, it's easier than worrying about trying to sort out nicotine patches.

Tanita Tikaram fights the fags

We've not heard much from Tanita Tikaram for a while; it turns out she's been busy fighting plans for a local pub to allow smokers to stand outside her house:

“People drinking in the pub already spill over into St George’s Terrace, leaving empty glasses, food and cigarette butts, using the garden as a urinal and as they drink more alcohol becoming louder and more raucous.

“I don’t see the sense in extending an already undesirable situation.”

Geronimo Inns, who run the Queens in Regent's Park Road, insisted that unless they were given a more lenient licence, things would remain bad:

Geronimo, which has run the pub for 10 years, warned that it would be harder to control customers without the extended licence.

In a letter to the New Journal, commercial director Ed Turner said: “The customers would be moved further along, and The Queens would not be able to manage potential disturbances.”

He told the panel: “There’s been a lot of changes and problems for the industry on the back of the change in smoking laws.

“It’s been very difficult, it’s been a big learning curve for us and our customers.”

We'd suggest that if you're having that much trouble "controlling" your customers, what you need is not to have a more lenient licence, but perhaps have no licence at all. And while, obviously, the ban on smoking has caused difficulties, what sort of clientèle are you attracting if "not pissing in Tanita Tikaram's garden" is a behaviour which has to be learned?

Joni Mitchell lights up

So, how did Joni Mitchell come to get her distinctive voice? Twenty a day, from middle school age, apparently:

"I have smoked since I was nine, so obviously it didn't affect my early work that much."

"I would grab my tobacco and get on my bike, looking for a beautiful place, a grove of trees or a field, and go amongst the bushes and smoke and that always gave me a sense of well being."

And now the government's taken away that innocent childhood pleasure, along with working up chimneys and heroin-filled chews in the pick'n'mix.

Still, Joni's still got her smoking, and she's still got fire in her belly:

"I was mad at America, mad at the government, mad at the people for not doing something about it. They were going to be so quick to impeach Clinton for kinky sex but slow to do something about Bush and his Nazi stormtroopers. All that loss of freedom and everybody just kind of oblivious. It's dumb and it's dangerous."

We're not sure that Clinton's sex was that kinky - maybe if he'd been wearing Lewinsky's dress, it'd have been heading in that direction, but otherwise it was as vanilla as it was illicit. And we're not sure that suggesting Bush has Nazi stormtroopers is entirely helpful, either - Bush is unpleasant enough in his own, untrammeled capitalism without having to throw Nazis into the mix. But we'd rather have Joni Mitchell being political than Duran self-censoring to avoid sounding "angry" any time. Especially in these times.

It doesn't make you the Wat Tyler of our age

Pete Burns has nearly become a no-smoking martyr yesterday, when he refused three times to put out a cigarette while having a spot of lunch.

The police weren't called, but Burns is getting his punishment anyway, as his failure to observe the law means we now all know he was having his refreshments in the Bicester Little Chef. Oh, Pete, for shame.

They did get Al Capone for tax evasion

Pete Doherty's seeming ability to keep himself out of jail might be about to desert him, as he's pushed the police a little too far this time:

Smoking during his T in the Park set:

Councillor Alan Grant, convener of the Perth and Kinross Council environment committee, said Doherty could face prosecution.

He said: "The point of the legislation is to protect the public's health and I would expect performers not to smoke on stage, though where the stage is open it is a moot point.

"The idea is not to put other people's health at risk and I am afraid in these circumstances Mr Doherty would be doing so."

He might just get away with it, though: from the looks of Scotland On Sunday's report, he gave a cunning false name to police.

Beckham has a plan

Victoria Beckham is planning on giving up smoking to help her voice improve in time for the Spice Girls tour.

We're not sure why - perhaps its so she can shout more effectively if the guy who plays her lip-synching taper in screws up.

Slash: It doesn't come out

Slash is one of those people who are putting their foot down and refusing to pay any heed to the smoking ban.

He'll cough up and keep coughing:

I'll probably just take my chances, pay the £50 and smoke to my heart's content. I can't imagine being up there and playing for ninety minutes and not having a fag."

To be fair, he's had a fag in his gob for so long, he's probably worn a groove in the corner of his mouth and leaving it unplugged could lead to unpleasant drooling.

And the moral is, don't smoke or something

Alex Kapranos is taking on the role of Surgeon General, delighted by the ban on smoking:

"The smoking ban has got to be a good thing. What's good about cancer? My grandad died of cancer through smoking.

"I came across the ban first in New York and it seemed freaky, but you don't notice it after a while."

The smoking ban we can take. The clumsy shoehorning of it into every soap opera set south of Carlisle we could do without. Don't stick a poster about smoking up in your going-out-of-business chip shop, you fool; you need that space to fight a grease-splattered battle against the kebab bar.

Weller in a jam

Now, we've no particular beef with the new no-smoking laws slowling clambering over the nations, one country at a time. But we could do without the associated "education" campaigns and flogging of nicotine gum off the back of the ban. And we're lost as to how it can really be worth the time of Welsh officials to watch video footage of a Paul Weller gig in Newport, in already smoke-free Wales, to see if he sparked up on stage or not. Surely the investigation will outspend the £200 maximum fine, and the conviction of Weller won't send a 'don't smoke' message as much as an 'it's cool to flout the ban' one. If they really wanted to make a point, couldn't they have just issued a tutting press-release?