Worried people worry about Bieber; discretely point to price list

Oh, won't someone think of the children? After Justin Bieber, the singer based on the popular range of Justin Bieber dolls, stuck a photo of himself having a ciggie on the internet, a company has issued a press release:

Troubled Pop Star Justin Bieber Irresponsibly Glamorizes Smoking

It's an odd press release, though. It's come from a company which helps separate people from both their cigarettes and money, which might explain why a large chunk of it at the start sounds like it's coming from FOREST, the pro-lung cancer pressure group:

Canadian pop musician and singer-songwriter Justin Bieber seems to idolizes James Dean's living life in the fast lane persona. Bieber is seen sitting against a brick wall wearing a white t-shirt rolled up to reveal his tattoo sleeves, as an unlit cigarette dangles from his lips. On March 20th, Us Weekly reported, Justin uploaded the rebellious smoking picture to his Instagram page of 14.8 million followers with a caption saying, "Don't ask me if I smoke ciggys cuz I don't."

Sounds kinda sexy, right - obviously if you ignore that it's Justin Bieber.

It's almost as if the anti-smoking therapy group is trying to ensure everyone sees the images of Bieber, albeit with a sorrowful shake of the head further down the press release. It couldn't be that - while not wanting people to take up a life of furtively sucking on Capstan full strength in a windswept shelter round by the delivery hatch - they're aware that if Justin did encourage a few kids to try it, that could well provide business for them in the future.

Obviously, that would be a cynical reading of the press release. And whoever looked for cynicism in a press release?

Hold the Daily Mail front page: Kelly Clarkson causes cancer

Kelly Clarkson isn't normally incendiary, but she's managed to generate to fug of outrage as she brings the great news about fags to young people:

US pop singer Kelly Clarkson has been criticised for allowing an upcoming gig in Jakarta, Indonesia to be sponsored by a local cigarette brand.

Promotional materials for the concert on 29 April have a logo for LA Lights featured prominently.

I know for a fact, instead of dry ice, she was going to rely on dozens of small children puffing away at the side of the stage.

Imagine - a major public figure flogging cigarettes to poor people in poorer countries and thinking they could get away with it.

Lily Allen sparks... what, exactly?

Yes, yes, it's against the law and she probably shouldn't have done it, but did Lily Allen lighting a fag on stage really "ruin" paying customers' nights?

This all took place at the Liverpool Echo Arena:

Dad-of-two David Hall, 52, who attended the gig said once Lily started smoking others around him joined in.

Mr Hall, a carer from Irby, Wirral, told the ECHO: “Lily sucked a puff of a fag and I thought maybe she’s feeling a bit tense but that was the trigger for people’s cigarettes to come out. They thought ‘because she’s doing it, so can I’. But the cigarettes were waving about in my children’s faces.”

God, that must have really ruined their enjoyment of the usual smells of a large gig - stale body odour, stale beer and wet dog. And were there really cigarettes waving about in your children's faces? In their faces?

Yes, it's a bit of a shame; yes, it's even a breach of a law. But 'someone smoked a cigarette quite near my child' isn't really the sort of thing that demands interviews with the local paper, is it?

Still, cash-strapped Liverpool City Council won't be wasting their time on this, will they?

A spokesman from Liverpool City Council said: “After seeing pictures of Lily Allen’s ECHO arena performance, we are investigating. Officers are in the process of following up witness statements to verify if the pictures are genuine.”

To see if they're genuine? Liverpool City Council really believe there might be people photoshopping smoking ciggies into pictures of Lily Allen? And they're carrying out an investigation to see if the photos are genuine? I really hope this doesn't take people off the vital task of searching for the bricks of Ringo Starr's old house.

Sugar Ray's thesingerfromSugarRay offers some advice to Obama

CNN's iReport finds space for Sugar Ray's Mark McGrath to offer some advice to Barack Obama on, erm, stopping smoking - although, frankly, the very thought of getting advice from Sugar Ray about anything is enough to make strong men think about taking up heroin.

McGrath offers to quit alcohol if Barack gives up smoking. Oh, yes, because if he won't do it for his health, or his kids - or to avoid the shame of having to stand outside the next G8 meeting in a converted bus shelter to grab a puff - surely the thought of taking a challenge from the singerfromSugarRay out of Sugar Ray will be the clinching reason?

Britney Spears: Put that light out

Britney Spears suspended on-stage activities for half an hour during her Vancouver gig while the audience was asked to stop smoking.

Her body, after all, is a temple.

The Canadian government has announced plans to add a photo of an empty stage and the words 'Smoking can interrupt your Britney Spears gig' as a health warning on packets of fags, although some have warned that might actually increase the number of people smoking ciggies.

You're never alone with The Jam

Hey, don't think that Paul Weller can't still stick it to the man, right: he's gotten The Cliffs Pavilion in Southend landed with a sort-of serious warning after lighting up on stage (not often 'Weller', 'light' and 'on-stage' appear together, is it?). The council are livid.

Well, not exactly livid:

"We think the law was breached so we have issued a warning," Steve Ramm, of Southend Borough Council, said.

"We considered the matter but under the terms of our enforcement policy, we have issued the warning to Southend Theatres Limited at this stage.

"If a similar occurrence were to take place in future, we would be likely to take further action."

That 'further action' could very well include, ooh, further warnings under the terms of the enforcement policy. Surely we can expect a song about this on the next Weller solo record?

Keys stubs out the fag sponsors

So, are we to believe that Alicia Keys was unaware of the sponsorship of her Jakarta gig by Philip Morris, or just unaware that anyone would notice until the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids started to make a fuss?

Now, the adverts for the ciggies are being taken down - although it's not clear if the concert is still being underwritten by the cigarette manufacturer. And Keys has issued a statement:

"I apologize for any misleading advertising initially associated with the show," she said in a statement released by her record label, Sony BMG. "I am an unyielding advocate for the well-being of children around the world and do not condone or endorse smoking.

"I look forward to bringing my music and message to my wonderful fans in Jakarta."

It's funny, that - so desperately anti-smoking, and yet somehow her gig has been promoting it in Jakarta. You'd have to wonder how that could happen without her knowing.