Gordon in the morning 2: A little more on Megan Fox

Just further to Gordon's big scoop this morning, about Megan Fox being Catwoman: The Times' Blockbuster Buzz pours cold water on the idea. And then puts it in the fridge. And floats it off to Antarctica.

Gordon in the morning: What's new, pussycat?

For some reason, nobody at The Sun has deemed Gordon's story about Megan Fox playing Catwoman worthy of putting behind a "buy the paper" pay fence.

And I have a strong feline she is the purrfect choice for the part - and thanks to a spot of computer wizardry here's how she might look.

Even with cat puns (of the sort being made even while the Egyptians were first domesticating kittens) and somebody photoshopping a pair of rubber ears on Megan Fox?

Slipping into the famous PVC catsuit always looked like a tricky business to me.

This would be more a impressive observation, were it not slap bang under a picture of Halle Berry as Catwoman not wearing a PVC catsuit. Or a catsuit at all. Or PVC.

Elsewhere, Smart runs yet another non-story about JLS:

JLS have been given an official warning by their management company to curb their big spending.

This is accompanied by photo of one of them ordering some food at a McDonalds drive-through. Which, naturally, is the sort of place where the paparazzi usually hang out, and not somewhere a band's management would have to send their own photographer to. In the new pay-per-Smart future, when you read this sort of advertorial, I'm guessing you'll get cashback.

Gordon in the morning: Confusing sexuality

A meeting of minds, as Gordon meets up with Victoria Beckham.

Posh observes that (at least in her mind) she's popular with gays:

“All the men that like me are gay. It’s true. I have a really strong gaydar. I do love gay men though.”

Oddly, this is her response to a fawning opening gambit from Gordon. So Smart told Beckham how much he liked her, and Beckham replied "only gay men like me, ooh, I could pick out a gay at five hundred yards, I could." It seems to have flown over Smart's head, though.

Indeed, it flew over by quite a distance, as Gordo headlines his scoop:

Posh: Only gay guys fancy me

Now, Gordon, let's go through this again, shall we? Gay men. Woman. Do you think that headline might have a bit of a flaw built into it?

But then Gordon does managed to get himself even more knotted. Having thought he heard Victoria say that she was only sexually attractive to men, he remembered she was married to a man:

I could argue that BECKS boils beyond metrosexual from time to time.

Is Gordon suggesting that he thinks that David Beckham is kinda gay?

He isn’t shy of a spot of nail polish, the occasional sarong and a bit of body waxing.

Is Gordon really sitting in 2008, confusing wearing make-up and body waxing with sexuality?

As if suddenly becoming aware of what he was saying, Gordon pulls back:

But he has fathered three more children than me.

Is Gordon really unaware that many gay men are fathers? And is he suggesting that only parenthood is a sign of heterosexuality? And did he really sit down thinking about his 'is Becks gay' fantasy before thinking 'nah, hang on - he's got kids, hasn't he?'

Never has the phrase 'Gordon Smart's Bizarre' been apt.

Gordon, Gordon, you seem to have spent an awful lot of time dreaming about the possibility of David Beckham being gay. You'd better re-establish your blokey credentials quick. Have you got something to say about the new shots from the James Bond set?:

[Daniel Craig] looks good in his signature 007 whistle but even better sporting his rugged gear...

Mmmm?

... so I’m told.

So you're told.

Quick, Gordon, get some tits onto your page.

HERE’S MEGAN FOX proving precisely why she was recently voted the sexiest woman in the world.

That's the Gordon we know.

The picture is a still from a new movie:

[Diablo Cody] describes it as "Juno but with cannibalism and evisceration" and Megan’s cheerleader character as "a girl who eats boys".

Eating boys, eh, Gordon? Can you imagine such a thing?