American Idol contracts: Equally tight

It's not clear if the X Factor contract forbids contestants from killing themselves, but that seems to have been missing from the American Idol paperwork. Paula Abdul suggests that Paula Goodspeed's humiliation on the programme might have been constructed to create a TV moment:

In an interview with Barbara Walters on Sirius XM radio on Monday night, Abdul said that American Idol's producers knew that Goodspeed had stalked her (she maintained a restraining order against her intermittently for 18 years) and, in fact, allowed her to audition precisely for that reason. "It's fun for them to cause me stress," Abdul said. "This was something that would make good television." Abdul said that she protested Goodspeed's appearance on the show, but that the producers selected her "for entertainment value."

Goodspeed, of course, went on to kill herself; you might find yourself wondering at a TV show which cares so little about its fodder, but also so little for its supposed stars, that it would allow stalker and stalkee to come face-to-face. Walters certainly did:

When Walters asked why Abdul remains on a program that jeopardizes her safety, Abdul said, "I'm under contract."

Let's hope that doesn't give Cowell any ideas - hmm, a judge with a contract out on them...

American tragedies

Following the apparent suicide of Paula Goodspeed - one of those deemed not to be an American Idol and who has spent much of the past few months turning up unannounced at Paula Abdul's house - The Insider invited Carrie Underwood and Diana DeGarmo to comment. Underwood, wisely, knew she had nothing to say and made the equivalent of low dove coos, but DeGarmo seized the story with both hands:

"To hear that something like that has happened makes you very scared as a celebrity of some sort, because we all [like to get all dressed up for events like the CMAs] -- it's all glitz and glamour -- but it's things like that that people don't normally get to know; it's also a double side of celebrity stardom. I think that's just a terrible, terrible tragedy and I feel for the person that was out in front of her home, for her family, and especially for Paula, because she's a lovely person and I can only imagine what she's going through."

Yes, it's Paula who is the real victim here, not the person who was dragged through the ringer by the show of which Abdul is a part and wound up so damaged she ended up committing suicide. Let's just hope Paula is okay, shall we?

DeGarmo hasn't finished, though, because she also had the luck to have been on the cycle of American Idol which featured Jennifer Hudson. Another smashing chance to emote emptily:

"She's definitely in my thoughts and prayers like she always is, but even more so. Her mother was a wonderful, wonderful person, and I wouldn't even know where to begin if something like that happened to me."

She's in my prayers. I mean, obviously, I'm always praying for her, it's just now that I'm praying so, so much harder for her. Round the clock. And thinking? Oh, if I'm not praying for Jennifer, I'm thinking about her. Apart from the times my thoughts are with Paula Abdul.

Sometimes, there is a lot to be said for the gentle coo.

American idles: Is the steamroller running out of steam?

This week's edition of American Idol - the one where Paula Abdul provided a critique of a song that didn't exist - was notable for another reason; the show dropped off 1.2 million viewers week-on-week; its worst performance in a half-decade. There is a season for all things - could, at last, Cowell's behemoth be entering its autumn?

More pre-emptive coverage

It is, of course, because of the culture - things are getting faster. The News of the World can't actually wait for Amy Winehouse to kill herself in chokey, so reports it before she's even been questioned. Maxim's schedule is so busy, it has to review albums before they've been finished. And things are so rushed over at MSNBC, they've announced that MTV has refused to show Paula Abdul's new video before anyone has even bothered asking MTV to show it.

Who owns Paula Abdul's life?

The increasingly murky life of Paula Abdul would make a great reality TV show, were it not for the latest battle being over, erm, her reality TV show. >Abdul is being taken to court by a production company which claims it invented Hey Paula, and then got cut out when Abdul took her show to Bravo.

Abdul's response? "I own my own life."

Didn't look like that when she was on Fox the other week.

Abdul explains rambling; can't answer the being in love with smoking cat charges

With footage of her stumbling and slurring her way through an interview with a Fox affiliate in Seattle clogging up YouTube, Paula Abdul is rushing to explain it:

Abdul has repeatedly claimed that the botched appearance had nothing to do with either drugs or alcohol, but was instead the result of an audio snafu.

"I did a big week of press all last week in New York, and on the third day I did one of those press junkets where you're in that one little room and you're looking at one camera and there are 30 cities talking into your ear," Abdul explained on the Tonight Show earlier this month. "I guess Alabama was in my ear and so was Seattle at the same time, so I'm answering questions to the wrong answers of the cities."

Hmm. Well, that might explain the first snatch of interview, where, clearly Abdul is responding to voices from somewhere other than Seattle, but it hardly explains her appearance when the interview picked up shortly afterwards. She clearly knew she was talking to Seattle, but god alone knows where she thought she was.

Here, Fox rides to her defence - why, she was joshing:

Fox issued a statement of support for Abdul, backing up her explanation of technical difficulties and commending her sense of humor in the face of adversity.

"Rather than getting angry about these difficulties, or stopping the tour, Paula forged ahead and decided to have fun with the increasingly challenging situation," the network said. "Unfortunately, because reporters and viewers were unaware of the situation, her humor was misconstrued."

Well, that must be true - it's not like Fox News would lie to us, is it?

But you can see why pretending she was drunk as Edna The Inebriate woman celebrating being locked in brewery might be a little misconstrued. Unaware that she was "acting" drunk, a casual viewer might conclude she was totally bladdered.

Presumably she was also pretending to be ripped off her tits when she signed a deal to get involved in a live-action movie based on popular children's hooker toys, Bratz. Abdul is apparently going to choose the push-up trainer bras ("design the wardrobe") and choreograph the film. Rumours that the film will therefore be called Last Tango In Playschool cannot be confirmed.