Leave me alone, wails James Blunt

Poor James Blunt: he doesn't like people thinking about him:

"I've never read tabloid magazines, but I think it's a pretty unhealthy practice," he told inthenews.co.uk.

"You and I are not dogs sniffing each other, I'm not interested in your private life, nor should I be, and nor should you be in mine.

"We're hopefully intelligent human beings, who can talk about, discuss and maybe even achieve much greater things than learning about who you're shagging.

"So, for me, I've always stepped away from that and now that I'm in the public eye a bit more, I've just tried to ignore it."

Poor James. If he did read the magazines, he'd know that people are interested in who Petra Nemcova is shagging; not who he's shagging.

What is curious, though, is why - if James thinks his sex life should be of no interest to anyone, why did he write a song about getting a semi on the tube and not being able to find the woman who stimulated him so ever again?

Gordon in the morning: Flogging the Swede

By, Gordon might not have much to work with, but he's certainly spinning what little he has out, isn't he? Having made a lead piece yesterday out of an alleged off-the-cuff remark by Sven Goran Eriksson about how he thought Alesha Dixon was "his type", Gordon makes the story his lead today as well, asking Alesha what she thinks of it.

Her response:

You’re winding me up? Sven, who is, like, 100? Oh my God! He’s older than my dad!

“All I can say is Jose Mourinho is the only football manager who is good looking.”

Doubtless the empty Bizarre pages on Monday will be filled with a response from Jose.

Gordon's also struggling this morning with his response to Britney Spears' ever-unfolding world:

Last week I had a lot of sympathy for Brit as she was rushed to hospital. But she clearly has no intention of getting herself back on the straight and narrow.

It must be frustrating that she tends to morph into her latest form of off-kilteredness after The Sun has gone to print, but since the 'being rushed to hospital' is part of the same mental health crisis that led to yesterday's pink-wig-and-seven-hours-in-Mexico excursions, isn't it a little odd to be sympathetic for one and not the other. Is it really fair to be patient with someone suffering from an illness dependent on what symptoms they're presenting? Is Gordon like this with the people he lives with? "Sorry, mam, when it was just sneezing I had sympathy for you, but now it's that hacking cough it's time for you to mysteriously get better somehow".

Gordon has also run an advert for the latest Maxim in the form of pictures of Petra Nemcova from the latest issue. Aware that this might look a little gratuitous, Smart attempts to construct a news-based rationale:

Are you missing me, James?

PETRA Nemcova flaunts Beautiful curves – to show James Blunt what he’s missing
[...]
Supermodel Petra, 28, was the pop heart-throb’s Czech mate before 30-year-old James dumped her to play the field with a string of other stunners.

So, she's doing this "to show James Blunt what he's missing", is she, Gordon?

Erm...

Now she has hit back by unveiling her ravishing form in a new ad campaign as the face of undies firm La Senza.

Ah. So it's her job rather than anything to do with Blunt at all. Curious that Gordon believes everything women do is something to do with men, isn't it?