Noel Gallagher: And while we're talking of One Direction

Noel Gallagher popped up at the Ivor Novello Awards this week to talk about real music:

Asked why the awards mean something to him, he said: ''There aren't any clowns like One Direction here.

''It's not about what clothes you wear or how nimble you are or who you are s****ing.

''It's about the songs. Songs last forever. You can have that lyric.''

Right Said Fred are amongst the previous winners of an Ivor.

Right Said what now?

There is a serious point in the Evening Argus piece about going deaf at gigs, but there's also something a bit puzzling about it:

A music fan has warned fellow rockers too many concerts could make them deaf like her.

Sue Burgess said years of going to performances by the likes of Right Said Fred had contributed to the severe hearing problems she and husband Tony have both developed.

Now, it's true that the Burgesses have seen Right Said Fred, but later on there's a bit more depth to their musical tastes:

Mr and Mrs Burgess have been to see everyone from Metallica to Madonna.

They have seen Cilla Black twice, Lionel Richie, The Spice Girls and Bruce Springsteen.

They have also watched Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Motörhead, The Rolling Stones, The Who and many more.

She was also at the Brighton Dome gig 40 years ago when Pink Floyd previewed The Dark Side of the Moon.

She added: “My favourites are Metallica, Black Sabbath plus Iron Maiden. But I have a soft spot for Will Young.”

Why with that range of mainly-rockist acts would you describe the gigs as being by the "likes of Right Said Fred"? It's like writing about an Olympic athlete, noticing something he did during his schooldays and describing him as competing in contests like the egg-and-spoon race.

By the way - putting on a serious face - one of my favourite charities, Denver's CHSL, does a lot of good work with people who experience hearing loss. If you've got a little to spare, you could help their work.

Riot Said Fred: Moscow gay march attacked

What a charming place Moscow is these days: Mayor Yuri Luzhkov suggested that gay rights marches are "satanic acts" and banned plans for one in the city; when a group of Russian gays and international sympathisers attempted to protest this decision, gangs of violent thugs attacked them.

And the police? They arrested the targets, not the criminals.

Amongst those injured was Richard Fairbrass, who was punched in the face while talking to Reuters (Right Said Fred were in town to play a gig):

Richard Fairbrass, a gay singer with the British pop group Right Said Fred, was punched in the face and kicked by anti-gay activists while speaking to Reuters in an interview.

"We understand this is a gay event and so we came down here today," Fairbrass said before being hit. Blood dripped from his face after the attack.

Tatu had made an appearance at the start of the rally, but appear to have been away from the trouble; Peter Tatchell was punched in the face and dragged away by two policemen.

The trouble seems to have started from a nasty mixture of nationalists and Russian Orthodox fundamentalists who gathered to shout the usual rubbish about sodomites and disease. Interestingly, the governments of the rest of the world seem quicker to pursue Putin over the selling of possibly unlicensed mp3s than they are about this, and other, increasing abuses of human rights in the country. It seems that you're fine to send your police in to help out with a spot of queerbashing, but if you flog a few dodgy Phil Collins tracks online, then you've just gone too far.

Fred gee-gees

As part of the launch activities for the Sandown Park Gold Cup, on Friday the racecourse is offering people called Fred free entry to the races. The downside is that they've also got Right Said Fred (described by ThisIsLocalLondon as "former chart-toppers" which does rather rub their noses in their reduced circumstances) playing too. All the Fred stuff is down to the sponsors of the Whitbread Gold Cup not being Whitbread any more.

Right Said Fred "not too sexy" - official

We don't know if the people who complained about Right Said Fred's Daz advert (on taste and decency grounds, rather than artistic merit) was the same person who complained about the Haribo advert with the bloke getting his hand fixed in concrete because he's trying to fish his sweets out of wet cement, but we wouldn't be at all surprised.

Anyway, the Advertising Standards Authority investiagted, in response to anguished cries:

Five viewers believed the ads were unsuitable for broadcast around children's television programmes, because of the reference to "sexy" and the suggestive movements of the lead singer while he sang.

The ASA's official line? They're not too sexy:

The ASA acknowledged that some parents believed the ad was unsuitable to be shown around children's programmes, because it included references to the word "sexy" and the singer's movements could be considered to be mildly suggestive. We noted some children had asked their parents what "sexy" meant and that they believed this was inappropriate, as was their children singing the song. However, we noted the female characters dancing was humorous, not sexual, and considered that young children who saw the ad were likely to respond to the humour, rather than viewing it in a sexual context. We understood that some parents may have felt uncomfortable explaining what "sexy" meant, but we nevertheless concluded that the ad was suitable to be shown without a scheduling restriction.

Well, "humorous" is pushing it a little, but you know what they mean.

Vote Said Fred

Richard Fairbrass, out of Right Said Fred from the Daz adverts ("we can be sexy again") is throwing his big cowboy hat into whatever sort of ring it is that is used to declare one's intention to run for mayor. And mayor London, at that:

“Current mayor Ken Livingstone has lost the plot. London has turned into a rich man’s playground.

“I have been living here since 1982 and London has definitely improved.

“But I think Ken has been in the hotseat too long — it’s time for a change.

“I want to stand as an independent candidate with a manifesto for the real working people of London.

“They make it the brilliant city it is. It’s not just about the super-rich."

It's about time - someone, at last, to stand up for the everyday working folk of London - the guys and girls toiling away appearing in soap powder commercials, filling out reality TV hairdressing programmes, selling gigs off the back of a quasi-novelty hit from a decade ago. It's time those, the real people of the city, had their day.

Still, at least it's not a campaign about the congestion charge, is it?

Oh, hang on:

“The congestion charge needs a total overhaul — real Londoners should get a massive discount. Women driving their Chelsea tractors in from Surrey should have to pay a premium."

We're not sure what happens if you live round the Oval, say, both within the old Surrey boundary and the M25. We do look forward to seeing Richard's suggested modifications to the congestion charge equipment to detect the real London-ness of a driver. Presumably the camera will be recalibrated enough to detect the glint of a button on a Pearly King's jacket.

Still, it's about time someone stood up against the tide of people coming from Surrey trying to enjoy the benefits that should, by rights, belong to "real Londoners."

Richard Fairbrass was born in Kingston-upon-Thames, in Surrey.

Still, great idea to give Londoners discounts and make people driving SUVs pay a premium. The only problem being that if you live in the heart of London, you already get a resident's discount, and Transport For London has already announced plans to charge polluting vehicles more than smaller cars.

Still, it's not Richard's only policy:

“Policemen, nurses, firemen and teachers should be able to live in the areas they work.

“And I would do everything in my power to work a way round the smoking ban. I think it is an absolute scandal.”

And if you've got people breathing in loads more second-hand smoke, you're going to need those nurses in greater numbers.

Vote Richard - smoke tabs.