Shh... it's a Jesus And Mary Chain secret

An email comes from a server with exciting news:

SECRET JESUS AND MARY CHAIN DUBLIN SHOW

It's not actually a secret show if you're sending an email (to a list not BCCed), is it? Perhaps wind it in a bit for the email body:

Now in Dublin rehearsing for their upcoming festival and tour dates - and loving it - the Jesus and Mary Chain will play a low key date.

"Low key date" is a bit more accurate.

It's at Vicar Street, Dublin on July 31st. Ticketmaster are doing the ticketing, I'm afraid, so be prepared to pay unacceptable fees so that the costs of doing business don't have to eat into Ticketmaster's lovely, lovely profit base.

Jack White's got some neck

Can you actually cancel a top secret act? How do we know that Jack White really was going to appear at the MTV Europe awards before he crooked his neck? We could all say that, couldn't we? Like, yeah, Will Self was going to be the gorgeous secret surprise guest blogger this week, but now he isn't because... uh, he's snapped his keyboard-tapping finger.

Secret Tantrums

Attention, people of Southampton. Also Portsmouth, Winchester and other towns in the area. Tomorrow night, Thomas Tantrum will be playing a "low key" secret gig somewhere in Soton.

You have been alerted.

Gordon in the morning: Hold the front

Gordon Smart clears space on his pages to bring the observation that the women Ronaldo dates have breasts.

It's a pity, as buried elsewhere he's got a rather good story: the Kaiser Chiefs offered a Cornwall pub a free gig.

The pub politely, but firmly, said they'd rather not have their guests disturbed.

You just have to hope they hadn't hidden Mark Ronson under the pool table, expecting him to come on and do a couple of songs as a surprise guest.

Glastonbury 2008: It's not a surprise if you tell people

Perhaps the decision to pre-announce Franz Ferdinand's 'surprise' appearance at Glastonbury tomorrow night is intended to try and shift some of those last few thousand tickets. But you can't help wondering if a surprise is slightly diminished by, erm, not being a surprise at all.

Secret Tapes

This blog post will self-destruct in ten seconds*

Tapes N Tapes have announced a 'secret' date at the opening night of the Lip Moves night at Old Blue Last in London. This will occur on Monday 3rd March. Which, you know, is a school night, but even so...

* - if this blog post does not self-destruct, please check your browser preferences has 'Allow websites to blow up my computer' selected.

Guerrilla gigs? What is this, 2005?

Okay, it wasn't quite a guerrilla gig, as it had been arranged a competition prize, but The Enemy at Loughborough Station does have the smack of that time when you couldn't pop out for a pound of potatoes without discovering a band throwing a secret gig outside the greengrocers.

It was an under-strength band, too: Andy Hopkins was laid up with grotty tonsils:

"We're really sorry Andy can't be here, but he's laid up in bed," Tom Clarke told the crowd.
[...]
"It's [tonsillitis] been going round all tour, I think I might even be coming down with it," he explained. "But fingers crossed we both should be well enough to play the two final dates. We don't want to let anybody down."

My Dad always used to insist that bands needed their adenoids removed. It turns out he wasn't wrong.

Sluts stalk Franz Ferdinand

The Columbos of the music blog world, MusicSlut, reckon they've unpicked the secret of Franz Ferdinand's secret gig in New York - Bowery on Wednesday 13th June, they suggest. They show their working, too.

We are not Scientists, oh no

From the thickening folder of "not quite getting the idea about secret gigs": We Are Scientists are doing three secret support slots in New York under the name Beat Up Old Men. The idea is to stick to all-new material and not feel obliged to do old stuff:

"It's a good way to see The Long Blondes for free" Keith Murray told NME.COM. "And we don't want people to come and ask for 'Nobody Move'".

Still, it's still fairly secret, isn't it? Nobody knows exactly where...

Beat Up Old Fellas will play:

Brooklyn, NY Luna Lounge (June 6) (w/ The Long Blondes)
Hoboken, NJ Maxwell's (8) (w/ Snowden)
New York, NY Mercury Lounge (9) (w/ The Spinto Band)

Oh.

Rupert Murdoch's online strategy dictates our youth

Be vewy, vewy qwiet... it's a secret Gossip/CSS gig organised by MySpace.

CSS explain the frankly overblown rules for getting into the event (Friday in Manchester Roadhouse):

To be in with a chance of getting into the night, you need to sign up to the Secret Shows profile at www.myspace.com/secretshowsuk, and to our MySpace profiles at www.myspace.com/gossipband and www.myspace.com/canseidesersexy, and put all three profiles in your MySpace 'Top 8' friends.

You then need to show a print out of your MySpace profile to staff at Fopp on Brown Street, Manchester at 6pm on Thursday. The first fans to arrive in store will be able to exchange their profile for a wristband which will get you into the gig and the club night.

They don't say what happens if you don't have any wrists, or if, say, Beth Ditto decides to refuse your new friend request on a whim.

The cheap price of Bravery

One of interest to you only if you're (a) in New York and (b) fond of the Bravery: they're following yesterday's Apple Store gigs with a live performance, for free, at Arlene's Grocery, 95 Stanton Street.

Britney: Back to the dancefloor

We imagine the news that Britney Spears is plotting a series of "semi-secret" gigs (we don't know how something can be semi-secret, unless it's details of a terrorism raid or something) in Los Angeles is down to some sort of reality show where they take people back to what they used to do before they were famous.

E! reckons there's to be a string of gigs next week. Apparently they're going to be brilliant, says the manager of the strip joint she's rehearsing in:

Club owner Ivan Kane confirmed Britney "came on stage during rehearsal, looking very hot, with four dancers and sang three songs."

"They ran through the set several times, the choreography was smokin' and she sounded great", said Kane.

More backing dancers than songs. Why does this sound - enthusiasm of a bloke who picks strippers aside - not that enticing?

Surprise! It's the Monkeys again.

Over and over and over and over, like a monkey with a minature symbol, the joy of repeating surprise gigs really is in the Arctic Monkey's blood: they're playing a second surprise gig in a week, playing Leicester University tonight. The tickets went on sale at noon, if you get down to the university and try your luck.