Showing posts with label steve brookstein. Show all posts
Showing posts with label steve brookstein. Show all posts

Saturday, July 02, 2016

Steve Brookstein joins the Brexit debate

Sorry, Steve, did you have something to say?



Let's just pause for a moment and be impressed that Steve is using both "irony" and "less" incorrectly, almost as if he was trying to flush pedants out of a hedgerow.

How do you know this, Steve? Do you run a YouGov poll on anyone you might have sex with? Or have you gathered this knowledge slowly over the years - "she was willing to break out the nipple clamps and espoused a Friedmanite approach to the money supply. That happens so often."


Monday, December 28, 2015

Steve Brookstein's Twitter: a further investigation

A lot of Steve's Twitter feed is dedicated to not-at-all-bitter-sounding tweets about the X Factor:





But sometimes it just gets a bit weird:


What?

There's a little bit of politics, too:

I say "politics", I mean mildly unpleasant right-wing.

There's a pinned tweet, too:

The number one Kindle biography is Paul O'Grady's. At present, Brookstein's biography is at number 153. In the music biography section.


Steve Brookstein discovers someone remembers him; isn't happy

Ah, Steve Brookstein. You'll recall him from being on The X Factor back in 2005, and his stint as a shipboard entertainer on a, erm, car ferry. You maybe even read his book which came out last year, which Wikipedia describes like this:

He has also released a book on 21 November, "Getting over the X", that describes his journey from winning The X Factor to having the press and industry turn their backs on him.
The journey from winning the X Factor to being ignored? Like Ian McEwan's Saturday, a book where all the action takes place in a 24 hour period then, presumably.

Anyway, turns out the Brook is back, and he's having a little fiddle with the Twitters.

"It makes you sound like Max Clifford".

Trouble is, Steve, the internet has a long memory, even if your fans don't:

If you're going to try and attack someone for repeating stuff, best to check it wasn't something you actually said.


Saturday, October 05, 2013

Man quits job to go on game show

Apparently someone called Ryan Mathie is on the X Factor this year, and he's quit his job to be part of ITV's improved profit forecast for 2013-14:

Speaking at Louis Walsh's house in the South of France, the 18-year-old hopeful said: "I"m so serious about this competition, I've quit my job to come here.

"If I go home from here, I'll go home with nothing."
That's The Weakest Link, isn't it?

I love the implication there that somehow he's never going to leave Louis Walsh's house, as that would be returning to an empty reality.

Mathie had previously been working for his local council keeping vehicles on the road; apparently Steve Brookstein's already been in touch with them offering his services.


Thursday, May 09, 2013

Steve Brookstein: Surely candidate for a column in the relaunched Spare Rib

Steve Brookstein, who you'll remember as a handy punchline from The X Factors (I think he was the one with the dancing dog act), has decided the world needs his take on sexual politics.

Kent Labour Students tweeted a complaint about a card Tesco sells, which uses sexual harassment as the set-up for a joke:

Ha-ha, because who wouldn't want to be groped at work, eh?

Tesco replied in a fabulous, missing-the-point entirely way:


"Knowingly a joke that many find humorous" doesn't quite qualify as coherent English, much less an explanation.

(Just as an aside, the people who dressed as a pantomime horse who went into Tesco while they were selling adulterated beef was 'knowingly a joke that many find humorous', but it didn't stop Tesco putting a stop to it.)

For some reason - probably 'having a lot of time of his hands' - Brookstein decided to get involved:

You've almost got to feel sorry for someone who confuses Kent Labour Students and Communists, haven't you?

Jessica Atto saw the tweet, and decided to point out to Steve Brookstein the difference between a "joke" and "trying to turn sexual harassment into a joke":

Perhaps Steve had forgotten what it's like to have an audience, but he came back with this:

Yes, that's the best way to react when someone is trying to clarify if you really are a sexist knobpacket.

A wise man might withdraw at this point. Even a man who struggles a bit to keep up with this modern world where women are, all of a sudden, people, might withdraw. But Brookstein, who clearly thinks he's some sort of Richard Littlejohn in waiting, saw this as somehow proving his point:

I suppose Steve has made a point; he just seems blithely unaware that it's the exact opposite point of the one he thought he was making.


Friday, December 07, 2012

Gordon in the morning: Brave words from Chris Maloney

Apparently they're doing The X Factor this year, and possible winner Chris Maloney is being defiant this morning:

Defiant Chris — dubbed “Chris Baloney” after he hid his cruise ship singer past — has been compared with X Factor’s first winner, Steve Brookstein, whose career nosedived after he fell out with Simon.

But Chris said: “You’re joking aren’t you? He’s got his own talent and does his own thing, but I’m completely different.”
Yes, Chris, you're no Steve Brookstein. You're much more of a Michelle McManus. Or maybe even a Mark Rhodes.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Steve Brookstein: A warning from history

Remember Steve Brookstein? He was the winner of the first X Factor. Now, though, he's doing pizza restaurants in Kent. Although fifty people turned out, which isn't bad for a bloke who was briefly famous in 2004. We don't know how good the pizza is, though - it could be that it's very good and will bring out a crowd even if you have to listen to Steve Brookstein singing while you eat it.

We suspect that Steve's jokes about the X Factor that pepper his set are designed to show he's not a sore loser, but the obsession with the show and does tend to make him sound a little... well, bitter.

The kick:

"I'm sure he's [Leon Jackson] a nice guy but there are so many talented people out there who don't get a chance."

... says the man who got a huge chance, despite limited talents, and blew it.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance

Who knew there was something lower down the gig pecking order than a summer season at a Haven Holiday Camp? Chico and Steve Brookstein have signed up to play gigs on a car ferry. From the X Factor to Triangle in no time at all.