Steven Tyler: toy story

Steven Tyler has written a theme song for a forthcoming movie, and is proud of his work:

The band's frontman thinks their track, 'Legendary Child', is the perfect song to accompany the forthcoming [...] movie [...] because its theme of the group struggling to overcome adversity in the music industry is reflected in the film characters' onscreen battles.

And what is this titanic onscreen battle?

It's, erm GI Joe: Retaliation. Surely the only way to really capture that film in music is by using a toy piano?

Steven Tyler: Clean-up in aisle four

Somewhere between 'a cry for help' and 'send for the lawyers' comes news of Steven Tyler being entertaining in a Home Depot:

According to TMZ, Tyler employed the Home Depot loudspeaker system, which is usually used for price checks or calls for assistance, to sing Aerosmith classics like “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” As if this story couldn’t get more shocking, Tyler also reportedly started taking hits off a helium tank and sang his karaoke with a Chipmunked voice. The frontman also signed autographs for all those unsuspecting rock fans who initially just went to the Home Depot to buy plywood and paint.

It's hard to imagine a trip to a hardware store being made worse, but Tyler's your man.

Aerosmith have trouble shifting Steve Tyler

The excitement of watching Aerosmith wandering about tripping over each other isn't through yet: after the announcement last week that Steven Tyler was out, Steven Tyler has now disannounced his departure at a Joe Perry gig:

"I just want New York to know, I am not leaving Aerosmith," Tyler said. Rather than leave it at that, however, he then chose to drop one of the best quotes we've heard in a while. Turning to the Aerosmith guitarist, he said, “Joe Perry, you are a man of many colours. But I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!”

A rainbow only has seven colours, though. Which would constitute a few, wouldn't it? Meaning that Perry's many colours > Tyler's seven colours.

Splits: Aerosmith

Shortly after Brad Whitford told Classic Rock magazine that, perhaps, Steve Tyler might not be the only person who can sing songs comes apparent confirmation from Joe Perry that Tyler has quit.

I'm imagining he stormed out yelling "well, if having a singer who doesn't fall off the stage and crack his hip is so bloody important, you find one..."

Aerosmith wouldn't want to change a thing

Having - through no fault of their own - let down fans while Steve Tyler's broken bones healed, it's wonderful to see that Aerosmith are pulling themselves back on stage for the people who really matter: a corporate for Oracle:

The group will perform a private concert next week at a San Francisco convention sponsored by Oracle Corp, the software giant run by billionaire Larry Ellison.

"Aerosmith is a go," Oracle spokeswoman Karen Tillman said.

You can't let down the guys at the convention; some of them will have been waiting for months looking forward to the moment when Aerosmith cash the large cheque after playing a half-arsed set to a barely-interested room of people waiting for that guy from Idaho to get drunk enough to propose an illicit, convention-based fumble.

In other Aerosmith news, Joe Perry is striking out with a solo career in case Tyler's hips are no longer up to it full-time. That he's not felt the need to make a solo record in the last forty years might suggest just how compelling this is all going to be.

Falls can be serious when you're Steve Tyler's age

That tumble that Steve Tyler took off the stage during an Aerosmith gig last week looks to be more serious than anyone might have thought: the band have just pulled the rest of their tour.

There's a statement:

"Due to injuries Steven Tyler sustained last week when he fell from the stage during a concert in Sturgis, South Dakota, doctors have advised the lead singer to take the time to properly recuperate from the accident that resulted in a broken shoulder and stitches to his head."

Tyler is being asked to wear one of those big red buttons which hang round your neck from now on. Just in case.

Steve Tyler sues "Steven Tyler"

by Steven Tyler
Steven Tyler is suing people who have been posting blogs claiming to be him, and casting disparaging slurs on his mother.

Or, just possibly, someone pretending to be Steven Tyler has launched a lawsuit against the real Steven Tyler, claiming that his genuine blogs were fabrications. It's a little like that episode of Star Trek with the two Kirks, and it's incredibly hard to tell which is the genuine Tyler.

Amongst the false claims made by Steve Tyler is that he enjoyed love in a elevator, especially travelling towards the ground floor. "I mean" said Steve "you might try it knowing you're going to a top floor which is likely to be deserted when the door opens, but downwards? The chance of the doors opening a busy lobby area? That'd be crazy."

Tyler also denied claims that he had woken up in 1973 and was unsure if he was mad, or had gone back in time. "I never left 1973 in the first place" he insisted.

The marvellous, mechanical mouth organ

We always thought that harmonicas were pretty much standard kit, coming in two sorts: one that came free with The Dandy or in crackers, and didn't work; the other, shop bought, which did.

Apparently, though, there's much more to it than that. Why, now you can even buy a mouth organ that has been made to the exacting standards required by Steven Tyler:

"It was a great pleasure to work with an artist of Steven Tyler's caliber on this project. His enthusiasm and creativity helped us bring this unique instrument to market," said Scott Emmerman, Hohner's Director of Marketing and Sales. "We expect strong demand for this product from serious players as well as from Steven's loyal fans."

I suppose if it can take Tyler's mouth, at least you know it's going to be resilient.

Tyler walks. Possibly.

According to someone who says Liv Tyler told them, Steven Tyler doesn't feel Aerosmith give him nuff spect and is going to quit.

On the other hand, according to Liv Tyler's spokesteam, she's said nothing of the sort, and he isn't going to quit.