Crystal Castles weekend: Crimewave

On the condemned Switch programming from the BBC, Crystal Castles' Crimewave:



[Buy: Crimewave ep]

[Part of Crystal Castles weekend]

John Barrowman webcam outrage... zzzzz...

Oh that noise? That's the Daily Mail busily gearing up for another witchhunt. Apparently, during last night's Radio One show The Switch, John Barrowman unzipped his flies in front of the webcam.

Seriously, how do the Mail know this? Do they have work experience kids watching all the BBC's output in a bid to find something supposedly shocking? Or does Paul Dacre spend his Sunday evenings watching The Switch website anyway and so happened to be there when it was unleashed?

Although there are only seven people left in Christendom who haven't already seen John Barrowman's cock, the Mail is keen to be starting something:

Last night, radio listeners heard as Barrowman, a guest who was promoting his new single, responded to goading by presenters.

Grimshaw said: 'You’re famous, we’re told, for getting your willy out in interviews. Is this going to happen today? Should Annie be careful?'

Barrowman asked: 'Is the webcam on?', and when he told it was, responded: 'All right. I’ll get it out for you then, no problem'.

Annie Mac is then heard screaming and shouting 'Oh my God!' as Grimshaw and Barrowman laugh.

Actually, that is pretty disgusting - imagine a webcam which might catch a glimpse of Nick Grimshaw.

So, Daily Mail - this is a man flashing his cock on a webcam, is it?

What's that, Daily Mail? You seem to have got bashful all of a sudden. What actually happened?

The BBC confirmed Barrowman had exposed himself on the programme, but said it was not visible to online viewers.

It also said Mac apologised at the end of the show and that no complaints had been received last night.

So, nobody listening was upset. Nobody - if there was anybody - watching complained. And, erm, Barrowman didn't actually expose himself to the audience.

So how does that opening paragraph on your report make sense?

The BBC was engulfed in another decency row today after one of its highest profile stars exposed himself live on air.

Doctor Who actor John Barrowman revealed himself in a pre-watershed Radio 1 show which was also broadcast online via a webcam.

The BBC received no complaints - which is the weakest definition of 'engulfed' I've ever come across - and Barrowman didn't actually 'expose himself on air'. Yes, the story does stir outrage, but only at the really skewed deceit of Daily Mail journalists.

BBC2 brings back DEFII

If we sit here long enough, everything comes round again. The new BBC service for young people, Switch, is being built around a dedicated slot on BBC2 with a music show and other programming. Yes, it's just a Normski shy of Janet Street-Porter's DEFII, with Annie Mac's Sound playing the Snub TV role:

Live performances by bands appearing in Sound, for example, don't take place in a studio but in local parks before an audience of teenage passers-by.

This, apparently, has been decided following a bunch of research, although what questions you ask to get the answer "I'd like to see The Enemy playing in a bandstand as uninterested youths hurl their empty WKD bottles at them"?

Actually, I know what question you ask for that answer, as it's "if I can't force Towers of London into kayaking across the Atlantic, what else would you like for you birthday?", but you know what I mean.

Switch also blankets over Sunday nights on Radio One, where Annie "now apparently the authentic voice of 29 year-old teenage Britain" Mac will also hold court, pursued by Kelly Osbourne's scabies-and-drug-abuse show, Sunday Surgery.