Download: Manson wears a hat

Light from a dead star, as Marilyn Manson tries too hard at Download:

Marilyn Manson played Download this evening (June 13) and was joined onstage by a small entourage of make up and costume assistants, who primped and preened him after almost every song.

Wow. He's gone from being deeply gothy to Ugly Betty.

Tell us about the entrance, then, NME:

Manson arrived on the main stage at 7.20pm [BST], ten minutes after he was scheduled to appear. A giant black sheet which was covering the stage dropped dramatically to reveal...

Ooh! What? What did the god of twisted-evil-headfuckery have behind his big sheet? Virgins being deflowered by zombies? Priests having their innards fed to hounds? What? How did Manson twist everyone's minds?

...to reveal Manson sporting a gigantic hat.

Oh. A big hat.

Did I say Ugly Betty? It's more a mid-season challenge on Britain's Next Top Model.

Still, anyone following the NME store's suggestions of Manson records would rediscover a sense of nauseated horror:

Woot-ton: Pay no attention to Gordon Smart's scoop

One of the most enjoyable things about the weekend is watching the Sun and the News of the World trying to rubbish each other's big stories.

Today, prepubescent gossip skipper Dan Wootton rushes to the defence of Chris Moyles. Perhaps wisely Wootton doesn't mention where the rumours of the axing came from, but gives room to the Radio One team to issue firm denials:

ALED HAYDN JONES, who produces the radio show, said: "Don't worry. There are no plans to move us."

Drivetime presenter SCOTT MILLS, tipped to replace Chris, added: "Chris is NOT going anywhere any time soon."

And the man himself also laughed it off by declaring on his Twitter page yesterday: "The reports of my (radio) death are greatly exaggerated."

None of those three, you might have spotted, actually having scheduling roles at Radio One.

Wootton even goes further to try and swat away some of the other allegations Moyles has faced in recent months:

And my pic, above right, shows gay Torchwood star JOHN BARROWMAN is a big fan too after he gave Chris a kiss when he appeared on Chris Moyles' Quiz Night on Channel 4 at 10pm tonight.

See? John Barrowman is a GAY and he's kissing Chris Moyles so, clearly, he's a BIG FAN who doesn't believe that Chris Moyles HATES THE GAYS.

Oh, unless Barrowman does think that Moyles has a problem and was kissing him to make a point.

John Barrowman webcam outrage... zzzzz...

Oh that noise? That's the Daily Mail busily gearing up for another witchhunt. Apparently, during last night's Radio One show The Switch, John Barrowman unzipped his flies in front of the webcam.

Seriously, how do the Mail know this? Do they have work experience kids watching all the BBC's output in a bid to find something supposedly shocking? Or does Paul Dacre spend his Sunday evenings watching The Switch website anyway and so happened to be there when it was unleashed?

Although there are only seven people left in Christendom who haven't already seen John Barrowman's cock, the Mail is keen to be starting something:

Last night, radio listeners heard as Barrowman, a guest who was promoting his new single, responded to goading by presenters.

Grimshaw said: 'You’re famous, we’re told, for getting your willy out in interviews. Is this going to happen today? Should Annie be careful?'

Barrowman asked: 'Is the webcam on?', and when he told it was, responded: 'All right. I’ll get it out for you then, no problem'.

Annie Mac is then heard screaming and shouting 'Oh my God!' as Grimshaw and Barrowman laugh.

Actually, that is pretty disgusting - imagine a webcam which might catch a glimpse of Nick Grimshaw.

So, Daily Mail - this is a man flashing his cock on a webcam, is it?

What's that, Daily Mail? You seem to have got bashful all of a sudden. What actually happened?

The BBC confirmed Barrowman had exposed himself on the programme, but said it was not visible to online viewers.

It also said Mac apologised at the end of the show and that no complaints had been received last night.

So, nobody listening was upset. Nobody - if there was anybody - watching complained. And, erm, Barrowman didn't actually expose himself to the audience.

So how does that opening paragraph on your report make sense?

The BBC was engulfed in another decency row today after one of its highest profile stars exposed himself live on air.

Doctor Who actor John Barrowman revealed himself in a pre-watershed Radio 1 show which was also broadcast online via a webcam.

The BBC received no complaints - which is the weakest definition of 'engulfed' I've ever come across - and Barrowman didn't actually 'expose himself on air'. Yes, the story does stir outrage, but only at the really skewed deceit of Daily Mail journalists.

Children In Need 2007

The strongest argument for strengthening the welfare state is, surely, that if we remove all children from lives of want, we can stop asking Terry Wogan to struggle through seven hours of live television.

They're claiming that Boyzone are back together "just for Children In Need"; a one-off super special that might be more special if they'd not already released the tour dates for the ongoing comeback. And if it wasn't Boyzone.

Also back in room have been the Spice Girls, playing together for the first time in over eighteen hours. Their lucrative actual comeback for Victoria's Secrets means that time and money which could have been put to charitable uses (or perhaps retaining a couple of newsroom jobs) has gone on a satellite link-up.

The Spices were sat in the Dancing With The Stars studio behind the judges' desk - it looked a little like those sci-fi movies where aliens land and announce plans for crushing our puny race during a hastily-convened press conference. Except no alien invasion squad would have been quite as shambolic as the Spices: talking over each, getting lost in sexual innuendo with Terry Wogan (you wouldn't, would you?) and, at the middle, Victoria Beckham looking as confused as Peter Davison would on meeting David Tennent's doctor.

By the time they came to actually do a song - that ballad which they've given away to the charity - Mel C had changed her costume, the better to resemble a Victorian undertaker. Complete with a big black top hat. We're seeing it as a cry for help.

We're not totally sure, either, but we think they might have recast Scary Spice.

Other musical highlights so far has been the discovery that that woman off Holby City has a pretty good soul voice and that John Barrowman might have excellent delivery for show tunes, but can't actually sing properly. This is a bit of a problem when he's doing Your Song, although if it means that his "songs for your mother" Christmas album turns out to be a one-off, we'll feel a lot more comfortable watching the next series of Torchwood. Jason Donovan, surprisingly, is now a dead ringer for Tony Blair.

They also had a duo called Sam & Mark on in the first fifteen minutes - it's not exactly A Night Of A Thousand Stars stuff when you have to hit Google to remind yourself who they hell it is you're watching. Apparently, they lost on Pop Idol; they still sing like they're hoping there might be a telephone vote to save them.

Steve Harley is currently on, doing a regional opt-out for the East. He usually turns up doing Come Up And See Me whenever people are raising money anywhere in Anglia; he probably earns more for charity than he does for himself these days.

It's all in a good cause, of course: bbc.co.uk.pudsey to donate online.