Friday, May 26, 2006

MORRISSEY COLLUDES IN MURDER

It's death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder.

We know that Morrissey's manager was acting from the purest of motives when he bought a load of meat from a butcher's wagon in Truro so Mozzer wouldn't have to see flesh for sale, but surely Mozzer must be able to be in a room with the odd chop without his head falling off? Vegetarianism is a moral choice, not an allergy.

So did the meat go to waste?

[Butcher Chris] Barrow said: “When the manager said he would buy the whole lot I thought he was joking. He asked how much I wanted and I thought about it and said £200. He took out a wad of cash and paid it without blinking an eye. I wish I’d said £300 now. I’ve never even heard of Morrissey, though I understand he’s quite a big name.”

That's going to come as a disappointment to Mozzer - we bet he'd hoped that every butchers shop had a picture of him in the style of a 'wanted for crimes againt scrag end' posted up out back.

But hang on - what happened to the meat?

The manager then donated the meat haul to a local hostel for the homeless. It consisted of two bin-bags of sausages, lamb, venison, steak and chops, as well as 40 packs of bacon and 30 packets of sliced ham.

Aah! So it's morally unjustified to eat meat, unless you're homeless?