Gordon in the morning: No more heroes

Ah, the wisdom of the NME, holding its awards early enough to catch the tabloid's deadlines for the next day.

Actually, it might not such a good idea - it's given Gordon Smart the chance to rail against Pete Doherty's Hero Of The Year award:

THIS bleeding, bloated, greasy, drug-addled junkie was named Hero Of The Year at the bash.

He's a drug addled junkie, you'll note. Not one of those junkies who aren't drug-addled, then.

NME readers voted for this disgrace to win the award.

All twenty seven of you, hang your heads in shame.

And here he is on the night before the NME show performing at East London’s Rhythm Factory.

He had blood pouring from his nose as he performed some of his “hits” that nobody has ever heard.

We don't understand what Gordon's point is here - he's Pete Doherty, he's not The Temptations, so it's not like he was touring a Greatest Hits package. And most Doherty fans, you feel, would rather hear some of his new stuff than just the hits anyway, wouldn't they?

He’s appeared in court more times than he’s washed his spotty, boil-covered face. (And this is the bloke who was voted Sexiest Man by NME readers in 2006 and who NME chose as their Cool Icon two years earlier.)

Blimey, Gordo, why so much hatred of the NME? Did someone not get tickets to the awards - or are you harbouring a pile of "Thank you for your contributions..." letters from the old Kings' Reach Tower?

Gordon then attempts a rhetorical flourish. Strap yourself in, everybody:

Pete Doherty – if he really is Hero Of The Year, will the last person to leave Britain today please turn out the stage lights.

Ah, yes, Gordon. Not only is that a clumsy reworking of the original, are you really sure you want to remind us that The Sun supported John Major so strongly during the 1992 election, ushering in one of the most corrupt, creaky administrations in recent British political history.

Still, Gordon does allow redemption for those who seek it:

ARCTIC MONKEYS were the big winners for the third year running and redeemed their Brits shambles with gracious speeches.

We're sure they'll be delighted with your approval.