NME Awards 2016: What the pop papers say

This week, the NME awards were doled out; this week's print edition of the magazine tries to make sense of them.

The awards are possibly a transitional moment, covering a period where the weekly went free, and took on an editorial direction ever less about music; moving closer to the mainstream. Last year, prizes went to Royal Blood, Foo Fighters, Alex Turner and Kasabian. There was a clear sense of what an NME band sounded like.

This year's winners... well, they're a little different:

Best British Band: The Maccabees
Best International Band: Run The Jewels
Best New Artist: Rat Boy
Best British Solo Artist: Charli XCX
Best International Solo Artist: Taylor Swift
Best Live Band: Wolf Alice
Best Album: What Went Down - Foals
Best Track: Giant Peach - Wolf Alice
Best TV: This Is England '90
Best Film: Beasts Of No Nation
Best Music Film: Blur: New World Towers
Best Music Video: Cheer Up London - Slaves
Best Actor: Idris Elba
Best Actress: Vicky McClure
Best Reissue: Five Years - David Bowie
Best Book - M Train - Patti Smith
Best Festival - Glastonbury
Best Small Festival - End Of The Road
Music Moment Of The Year - The Libertines "secret" Glastonbury set
Best Fan Community - The Libertines
Worst Bad: 5 Seconds Of Summer
Villain Of The Year: Donald Trump
Hero Of The Year: Dave Grohl
Vlogger Of The Year: KSI

(Just in passing, how come actors are split into categories based on gender and solo artists aren't?)

It's the solo artists who stick out - in a month where NME's covers have run through James Bay, Kanye West and Coldplay, Charli and Taylor seem much more in keeping with where the title is heading than Wolf Alice and Foals. They feel like an echo of where the title was before, when it charged an entry fee that few were interested in paying.

This makes for difficulties for the awards, though - remember, these used to be styled the Brats and positioned themselves as an alternative to the Brits. Even before NME became the sort of magazine which would put James Bay on the cover, the distinction was blurred, but if the endeavour survives another twelve months it's likely the NME Awards/Brits relationship will become more like the BAFTAs/Oscars one - the former a lower budget version of the latter, taking place a couple of weeks before, and serving no real purpose other than letting bookies set the odds for the main events.

This year, though, we find ourselves in the awkward position of the magazine having to send a prize designed for rebellious shouty rock upstarts to Taylor Swift. Her reaction:

I got the award in the mail and I gotta be honest with you about this, when you first open up the box this feels a little aggressive.

Yeah. That's the sound of worlds colliding.

Coldplay picked up the Godlike Genius award - I know, I know - and in the accompanying interview, Chris Martin shares his favourite moment of being a popstar. This was playing Michael J Fox's Parkinson Benefit, and getting Fox to join them onstage to recreate the moment from Back To The Future when Marty plays guitar at the 1950s prom.

That's telling. The worst part of the entire Back To The Future trilogy is the point where the invention of the boisterous, brilliant cacophony of rock is taken away from Chuck Berry and reassigned to a pasty-faced white kid from the suburbs. And the peak of Chris Martin's musical career has been recreating the creation myth of a deracinated rock music.

NME Awards 2015: Kasabian, Kasabian, Kasabian

Last night was the NME Awards, which a few years back had become quite a thing; even getting televised. This year, they don't even seem to have bothered putting people picking up the prizes on the NME YouTube channel, although there's some video on the NME site.

The lack of a livestream seemed to upset some people on Twitter last night, but looking at the list of winners, it might have been wise for the magazine to try and do it in secret:

Godlike genius award Suede
Rock’n’roll soul award Jimmy Page
Best British band Kasabian
Best international band Foo Fighters
Outstanding contribution to music Teenage Cancer Trust
Best solo artist Jake Bugg
Best new band Royal Blood
Best live band Royal Blood
Best album 48:13 by Kasabian
Best track Zombie by Jamie T
Best video Zombie by Jamie T
Best festival Glastonbury
Philip Hall radar award Dean Blunt
Best TV show Game Of Thrones
Best film Northern Soul
Best music film Pulp: a Film About Life, Death and Supermarkets
Reissue of the year The Holy Bible by Manic Street Preachers
Dancefloor filler Fancy by Iggy Azalea featuring Charli XCX
Worst band 5 Seconds Of Summer
Villain of the year Nigel Farage
Hero of the year Alex Turner
Music moment of the year Jamie T’s comeback
Best fan community Muse
Small festival of the year Liverpool Psych Fest
Book of the year Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys by Viv Albertine
Best band social media Liam Gallagher’s Twitter
Best lyric “I’m wearing Win Butler’s hair/There’s a scalpless singer in a Montreal rock band somewhere” by Happyness
Best quote “Five records, ten years. We’ve earned our shot” - Sergio Pizzorno of Kasabian talking about headlining Glastonbury

Let's just take a second to look at the full name of one category, shall we?

Best International Band supported by Austin, Texas – The Live Music Capital Of The World®

Sponsored awards? Well, that's probably unavoidable. The sponsor's crappy slogan? If you must. But a registered trademark symbol as part of the prize name? Jesus wept. Or rather Jesus wept with the King James Bible copyright the Bible.

(Incidentally, the NME 'full list of winners' doesn't actually list all the winners.)

There's a lot of Kasabian and Jamie T there. Could the prize giving be any more awful?

Oh, hang on. Yes. Yes, it could. Added Gervais:

A special video, featuring the band's former manager comedian Ricky Gervais, was also shown - watch the video above. "I did help this band out a little bit in the early years," he comments. "When I told them I couldn't manage them anymore, there were no tears, they didn't beg - and that's when their career really took off."

At least he didn't do it in character as Derek, I guess.

Let's celebrate the good news here: Liverpool Psych fest; Viv Albertine; respect for the Teenage Cancer Trust.

But then... look at that "quote of the year"" - Serge out of Kasabian suggesting that they've paid their dues and it's now buggin's turn. Look at the belief that the best thing that happened in music during the whole of 2014 - the whole of 2014 was Jamie T's comeback (to a world that hadn't even noticed he'd gone in the firts place. The way that Muse still won a fucking prize.

Good lord. A magazine that has set its sights so very low might struggle to even give itself away.

NME Awards 2014: On the other hand...

While that last post and list of winners suggests the NME Awards had all the attractiveness of pork chops poorly cooked six weeks past expiration dates, they did at least provide an excuse for this to happen:



Yes, that's Metronomy with Mutya Keisha Siobhan doing Love Letters last night. It doesn't quite hang together as well as you might have hoped, but it's nice it happened at all.

NME Awards 2014: Did they mention the Arctic Monkeys?

Well, now this week's NME Arctic Monkeys propaganda-style cover makes sense. How could they treat Alex Turner's toe-curling performance at the Brits as anything other than triumphant, knowing there were six million NME Awards in the cupboard with his name on, to be distributed this week.

Here's that list of NME Awards winners in full:

Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Lily Allen
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys

Lily Allen? Oh, yes. The best solo artist. According to the NME. You might recall her work in the time period that voting covered was Hard Out Here, and a cover of a sodding Keane tune to sell some soft furnishing.

To be fair, she was in a category where she was up against McCartney, Kanye West and Bowie, so it was a bit of a Hobson's choice category - there wasn't really any way you could vote for anyone new or fresh.

But let's face it, these awards are the NME's chance to show it knows what's going on, and on the awards page on the website there's this:

Yeah, the NME is still trying to sell Christmas subscriptions at the end of February.

Here's the actual list of winners in full:

Godlike Genius
Blondie

Songwriters' Songwriter
Paul McCartney

Award For Innovation
Damon Albarn

Teenage Cancer Trust Outstanding Contribution to Music Award
Belle & Sebastian

Best British Band supported by Windows Phone
Arctic Monkeys

Best International Band supported by Austin, Texas
Haim

Best Solo Artist
Lily Allen

Best New Band supported by Mossimo
Drenge

Best Live Band supported by Gig Buddy
Arctic Monkeys

Best Album supported by PS4 InFAMOUS Second Son
Arctic Monkeys, 'AM'

Best Track supported by Blackstar Amps
Disclosure, 'White Noise'

Best Music Video supported by Domino's
Eagulls, 'Nerve Endings'

Best Festival
Glastonbury

Best TV Show
Breaking Bad

Best Music Film
Made Of Stone

Philip Hall Radar Award supported by Monster Headphones
Fat White Family

Best Reissue
The Clash, 'Sound System'

Best Band Blog Or Twitter
Alana Haim, Haim

Best Book
Morrissey, Autobiography

Best Small Festival
Swn

NME Awards 2014: The shortlist

This years NME awards are a bit of an oddity. Not so much the shortlisted bands - although the magazine's love for Lily Allen's Hard Out Here video is surprising - but the sponsorship:

Arctic Monkeys lead the nominations for the NME Awards 2014 with Austin, Texas, with a total of eight nominations split between the band and singer Alex Turner, including Best Album, Best Live Band and Best British Band.

The NME Awards 2014 with Austin, Texas. The awards are sponsored by a town in Texas.

Okay, it's a step forward from Lynx and weak lager and the other typical sponsors, and it's Austin rather than, oooh, Wichita Falls or Lubbock. But... is it just me, or is the phrase "the NME Awards with Austin Texas" really bizarre?

How bad are these nominations? Paul McCartney is on the list for best solo artist. Paul McCartney. Who made an album last year which - even with uncharacteristic generosity from the NME - was only worth 7/10 when the magazine reviewed it.

Chvrches only get on nomination; Savages get three but one of those is for 'best blog or twitter'.

Here's the shortlist in full:

Best British Band
Arctic Monkeys
Biffy Clyro
Disclosure
Foals
Palma Violets
Two Door Cinema Club

Best International Band supported by Austin, Texas
Arcade Fire
Haim
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Phoenix
Vampire Weekend
Queens Of The Stone Age

Best Solo Artist
David Bowie
Jake Bugg
Kanye West
Lorde
Lily Allen
Paul McCartney

Best New Band supported by Mossimo
Chvrches
Courtney Barnett
Drenge
Jagwar Ma
Swim Deep
Wolf Alice

Best Live Band
Arctic Monkeys
Biffy Clyro
Haim
Palma Violets
Queens Of The Stone Age
Savages

Best Album
Arctic Monkeys – 'AM'
Drenge – 'Drenge'
Kanye West – 'Yeezus'
Peace – 'In Love'
QOTSA – '…Like Clockwork'
Savages – 'Silence Yourself'

Best Track supported by Blackstar Amplification
Arcade Fire – 'Reflektor'
Arctic Monkeys – 'Do I Wanna Know?'
Daft Punk – 'Get Lucky'
Disclosure – 'White Noise'
Lily Allen – 'Hard Out Here'
Primal Scream – '2013'

Best Music Video
Arcade Fire – 'Reflektor'
Arctic Monkeys – 'Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?'
Eagulls – 'Nerve Endings'
Haim – 'Falling'
Lily Allen – 'Hard Out Here'
Pharell – 'Happy'

Best Festival
Bestival
Glastonbury
Latitude
Reading & Leeds
T In The Park
V

Best TV Show
Breaking Bad
Doctor Who
Fresh Meat
Game Of Thrones
Misfits
Sherlock

Best Music Film
Good Vibrations
Made Of Stone
Muscle Shoals
Muse - Live At Rome Olympic Stadium
The National: Mistaken For Strangers
Sound City

Best Reissue
The Beta Band, 'The Regal Years: 1997–2004'
The Breeders, 'LSXX (Last Splash 20th Anniversary Edition)'
Bob Dylan, 'Bootleg Series, Vol. 10: Another Self Portrait (1969-1971)'
The Clash, 'Sound System'
Nirvana, 'In Utero: 20th Anniversary Edition'
The Velvet Underground, ‘White Light/White Heat 45th Anniversary Super Deluxe Edition’

Best Band Blog Or Twitter
Alana Haim, Haim
Albert Hammond Jr
Grimes
James Blunt
Jehnny Beth – Savages
Theo Hutchcraft, Hurts

Best Book
Alan McGee – 'Creation Stories'
Beck – 'Song Reader'
Bob Stanley – 'Yeah Yeah Yeah'
Mark Lewisohn – 'The Beatles – All These Years: Volume One: Tune In'
Morrissey – 'Autobiography'
Richard Hell – 'I Dreamed I Was A Very Clean Tramp'

Best Small Festival
Green Man
Festival Number 6
Kendall Calling
Rockness
Swn
Y Not

Best Fan Community
Arctic Monkeys
Hurts
Haim
Morrissey
Muse
Peace

Music Moment Of The Year
Arctic Monkeys headline Glastonbury
Kanye West brings Jesus on stage
Morrissey's autobiography is released
Noel and Damon come together for Teenage Cancer Trust
Pussy Riot are freed
Rolling Stones headline Glastonbury

Worst Band
30 Seconds To Mars
The 1975
Imagine Dragons
Muse
One Direction
The Wanted

Hero Of The Year
Alex Turner
David Bowie
Este Haim
Lou Reed
Pussy Riot
Russell Brand

Villain Of The Year
David Cameron
Harry Styles
Miley Cyrus
Robin Thicke
Russell Brand
Vladimir Putin

Gordon in the morning: Able was I, ere I saw Elba's hat

Remember that moment when Liam Gallagher tried to pinch Idris Elba's hat at the NME awards? Of course not, because it was two bored men at a minor awards ceremony, and even had you been that interested, Elba retelling the story a couple of months ago would have sated that interest.

Or we could talk about it some more. This morning, Gordon reveals Liam's side of the story.

I'm using "story" in a way that crackles with irony, by the way.

Talking about it for the first time, Liam said...

Yes, breaking his silence on the hat story after all this time. It's like getting cabinet papers from the Second World War released, isn't it?

Talking about it for the first time, Liam said: “I didn’t steal Idris’s hat, or grab it.

“I don’t go grabbing anyone. He messed my f***ing hair up, so I pulled his hat off and booted it across the room, and that’s it.”

You'll note the delicacy of language here - most people might think that taking someone's hat by pulling it off was grabbing it and stealing it, but apparently not. Somehow Liam was able to pull the hat without grabbing it; somehow he was able to take it from Elba without his permission, but without stealing it.

Maybe this is why Gordon thinks we're in any way interested in this tale, given that it appears to have rewritten the laws of physics and the physics of the law.

“You don’t touch a man’s haircut, man, especially if you’ve got a red bobbly hat on. So let’s get that one straight. He f***ed my hair up — so the hat got it."

I know that Gordon promised Justice Leveson he checks and checks again his work, so I really hope that he read that quote back to Gallagher before committing it to print.

But was Gallagher foolish to take on Elba?

When asked if he was intimidated by Idris’s considerable bulk, Liam added: “I don’t give a f***. I didn’t know who he was.

“I still don’t know who he is and I don’t give a f*** who he is.

Hey, let's not laugh at Liam's lack of a grasp on popular culture. He has cultural references.

Liam added that Idris’s headgear reminded him of the daft woolly hat-wearing ITV soap character Benny Hawkins and said: “It’s not f***ing Crossroads, is it?”

Benny from Crossroads? There's one for the teenagers.

Benny's last appearance was 25 years ago, which I guess makes him more contemporary than Gallagher's music.

Given that he's brought him up, and it's more interesting than the bloody hat, let's end with this, shall we?

Gordon in the morning: Hat fight

Poor Gordon tries this morning to scrape some sort of story out of the NME Awards, and is reduced to trying to plump up someone sniggering at a hat:

LIAM GALLAGHER has picked a few unwise scraps over the years – one in Germany left him without any front teeth.

And after the NME gongs at London’s Troxy on Wednesday night he bit off more than he could chew yet again with IDRIS ELBA.

Really?

An onlooker said: “Liam was in full rock’n’roll swagger mode.

“He bowled up to the party after midnight and made his presence felt pretty quickly.

What did he do?

“Then he had a few words with Idris, poking fun at his bobble hat among other things. Idris looked like he was going to flatten him — they were on completely different wavelengths.

Or perhaps he just thought Gallagher was a bit of a knob. You're trying to have a night out, and all of a sudden the 1990s turn up, drunk and shouting.

Still... here's a flashpoint. Tell us, onlooker, what happened next?

They were toe-to-toe at one point.

Um... yeah. It's a noisy club. If you're going to have a go at someone's hat, you'd have to be close enough for them to hear you.

Neither of them backed down.

No quarter given, none sought. It's all kikcing off. Right?

Idris was in a good mood, so left it, which was probably for the best. Liam left soon after.

So... this story is 'Liam made a snarky comment about a hat'.

Hardly Keith Moon, is it?

NME Awards 2013: A Rolling Stones awards

Two prizes for the Rolling Stones, including the claim that The Rolling Stones were the best live band in action last year. It's long been suggested that there's little difference between the NME and the Brit Awards; this year, the NME has actually gone further and become more backward looking and conservative than the official industry-endorsed prize giving.

Even when the prizes are going to acts formed this side of the millennium, it feels like a drag. Biffy Clyro might look like the best band in the world if you're finding a bunch of tax exiles a source of onstage thrills; Amy Lee and Matt Bellamy might have taken the Prom King and Queen prizes of "hottest" at any point in the last ten years.

Florence And The Machine is the best solo artist, which might be true if your electorate consists entirely of people who choose soundtracks for mobile phone company adverts.

It's not often you look at One Direction getting a dis and find yourself thinking 'actually, the high ground from which you're throwing rocks at Harry Styles isn't especially high, people'.

The winners in full:

Best British Band
Winner: Biffy Clyro

Best International Band
Winner: The Killers

Best Solo Artist
Winner: Florence + The Machine

Best New Band
Winner: Palma Violets

Best Live Band
Winner: Rolling Stones

Best Album
Winner: The Maccabees – 'Given To The Wild'

Best Track
Winner: Foals – 'Inhaler'

Dancefloor Anthem
Winner: Calvin Harris feat. Florence – 'Sweet Nothing'

Best Video
Winner: Arctic Monkeys – 'R U Mine'

Best TVShow
Winner: 'Fresh Meat'

Best Festival
Winner: Reading & Leeds

Best Music Film
Winner: 'Crossfire Hurricane' – Rolling Stones

Best Reissue
Winner: Blur – '21'

Best Twitter
Winner: Alana Haim, Haim (@babyhaim)

Best Book
Winner: Mike Skinner, The Story Of The Streets

Music Moment Of The Year
Winner: Olympics opening ceremony

Hero Of The Year
Winner: Barack Obama

Villain Of The Year
Winner: Harry Styles

Best Small Festival
Winner: Festival No.6

Worst Band
Winner: One Direction

Best Fan Community
Winner: Muse

Best Film
Winner: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Hottest Man
Matt Bellamy

Hottest Woman
Amy Lee

NME Awards 2013: Shortlist

Hey, those cutting-edge types on the cusp of the future down at the NME have announced the shortlist for their 2013 awards. Strap yourselves into your most-firmly secured seats, straightsville, because here's the alternative to the Brits. Which crazy, left-field act is doing best, NME?

The Rolling Stones lead this years' nods with nominations in four categories ('Best Live Band,' 'Best Book', 'Music Moment of The Year', 'Best Music Film')

Really?

Oh.

It's interesting that three of these categories are faffy, non-core categories (best music film? Is that even a popular enough category to warrant giving a prize?). The nomination for best live band, though, is one in the eye for everyone who thought that giving it to Muse every fucking year was the most conservative award thinking ever.

To be fair, Tame Imapala and Haim have also both got four nominations - but it's notable that even although they scored the same number as The Rolling Stones, editorially, the NME decided the Rolling Stones were "leading".

Also surprising is that David Bowie's Where Are We Now is shortlisted in the best music video category. It only came out two weeks ago. Given that many of the categories were open for voting back before Christmas, how does that work, exactly? What exactly is the rule on qualifying period here?

It's not clear if NME is impressed, or allowing its embarrassment to leak out here, either, when they talk about how well MIA has done:

M.I.A. is also up for four awards - ('Best Track', 'Best Music Video', 'Best Dancefloor Anthem', 'Best Twitter' despite only releasing one single since the last NME Awards.

Here's the full shortlist:
Best British Band supported by SONOS
Arctic Monkeys
Kasabian
The Vaccines
Biffy Clyro
The Maccabees
The Cribs

Best Album
'Channel Orange' Frank Ocean
'Jake Bugg' Jake Bugg
'Given To The Wild' The Maccabees
'An Awesome Wave' Alt-J
'Come Of Age' The Vaccines
'Lonerism' Tame Impala

Best International Band supported by Rekorderlig Cider
The Killers
Tame Impala
The Black Keys
Odd Future
Crystal Castles
Foo Fighters

Best Track supported by Blackstar Amps
'R U Mine?' Arctic Monkeys
'Don’t Save Me' Haim
'Bad Girls' MIA
'Inhaler' Foals
'Best Of Friends' Palma Violets
'Elephant' Tame Impala

Best TV Show
Breaking Bad
Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy
Fresh Meat
Sherlock
The Thick Of It
Doctor Who

Best Music Film
Searching For Sugar Man
LCD Soundsystem: 'Shut Up And Play The Hits'
Hit So Hard : The Life & Near Death Story of Patty Schemel
Marley
The Rolling Stones: 'Crossfire Hurricane'
Led Zeppelin: 'Celebration Day'

Best Re-Issue
'Generation Terrorists' Manic Street Preachers
'21' Blur
'The Fat Of The Land' Prodigy
'Turn On The Bright Lights' Interpol
'Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness' Smashing Pumpkins
'Collected' Ian Brown

Best Solo Artist
Jake Bugg
Noel Gallagher
Florence Welch
Miles Kane
Grimes
Paul Weller

Best New Band supported by Spotify
Alt-J
Peace
Palma Violets
Django Django
Alabama Shakes
Haim

Best Music Video
'Oblivion' Grimes
'Bad Girls' MIA
'Where Are We Now?' David Bowie
'R U Mine?' Arctic Monkeys
'Don't Save Me' Haim
'Feels Like We Only Go Backwards' Tame Impala

Best Festival supported by Farah Vintage
Reading & Leeds Festivals
T In The Park
Bestival
Primavera
Latitude
Isle Of Wight

Best Live Band
The Maccabees
The Cribs
Blur
Biffy Clyro
Foals
The Rolling Stones

Best Dancefloor Anthem
'What You Came For' Mosca feating Katy B
'Sweet Nothing' Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch
'Gangnam Style' Psy
'Bad Girls' MIA
'In Paris' Kanye West/Jay-Z
'Losing You' Solange

Best Twitter
Muse (@muse)
Fred Macpherson, Spector (@fredmacpherson)
Theo Hutchcraft, Hurts (@theohurts)
Alana Haim, Haim (@babyhaim)
Wiley (@EskiDance)
MIA (@MIAuniverse)

Best Book
David Byrne: How Music Works
Neil Young: Waging Heavy Peace
Mike Skinner: The Story Of The Streets
Tim Burgess: Telling Stories
The Rolling Stones: 50
Peter Hook: Unknown Pleasures : Inside Joy Division

Music Moment Of The Year
David Bowie returns
The Stone Roses play Heaton Park
Olympics opening ceremony
The Rolling Stones play London's O2 Arena
Green Day's secret set at Reading Festival
Pussy Riot's punk prayer

Hero Of The Year
David Bowie
Bradley Wiggins
Pussy Riot
Barack Obama
Frank Ocean
Dave Grohl

Villain Of The Year
David Cameron
Harry Styles
Skrillex
Psy
Fred Macpherson
Azealia Banks

Best Small Festival
Swn
The Great Escape
Field Day
Festival No.6
End Of The Road
Constellations

Worst Band
One Direction
Muse
Mumford & Sons
Alt-J
Justin Bieber
Ed Sheeran

Best Fan Community
Muse
Hurts
30 Seconds To Mars
Manic Street Preachers
The Killers
Enter Shikari

Best Film
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Ted
iLL Manors
The Dark Knight Rises
Skyfall
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

What the pop papers say: Fifty years, more or less.

After the 60th anniversary of the NME (or the 60 and a half-th), the next big anniversary the NME is celebrating is the 50th anniversary of the NME Awards.

They start trailing this in the current issue, with an announcement of "a special Spotify playlist" (ooh, you're spoiling us) and a look at the new art-deco logo.

I have no idea why the logo is based on the 1920s for a celebration of an event from the 1960s, but anything that gets us away from that awful raised-finger statue has to be welcomed.

I'm not sure the celebration is quite right, though. The promo says:

It's 50 years since rock n roll's biggest knees-up began...

- but surely for a long period of that time there wasn't any event as such, just the publication of a magazine containing tabulated results?

Still, there were parties and TV specials. Although, erm, it looks like there was one in 1961 - shown on ABC. Which would make 2013 the 52nd anniversary.

Never mind, it's an impressive track record however you miscount it. And clearly the NME would be keen to focus on the mid 1960s instead of the start, when they scored a pretty sweet presenter for their events. Chap called Jimmy Savile. Why wouldn't you want to fudge the numbers a little to remember those days, eh?

NME Awards 2012: Kasabian are the best band ever

The consensus seems to be that it was Florence And The Machine's night at the NME awards last night. She only won two prizes, but if you stare very hard at those, you can try and pretend that this never happened:

Best British Band: Kasabian

Yes. Really.

There are some signs that this year, although it might not be exactly alternative, the NME awards haven't just gone to winners who would have been in with a chance of getting the same prize at The Brits. Florence's best track and best solo is still quite a timid choice, but The Horrors best album would never have been echoed at the O2. And whle The Vaccines were shortlisted for equivalent of best new band on both lists, at the Brits they were clearly making up the numbers while at the NME they took home the prize.

If Muse won the Most Dedicated Fans category, how come they lost their traditional Best Live Act to the Arctic Monkeys, eh?

It's not a list that suggests rude health for either the music world or the magazine, but it's probably the least worst winners in full for a while:

Best British Band: Kasabian

Best International Band: Foo Fighters

Best Solo Artist: Florence + The Machine

Best New Band: The Vaccines

Best Live Band (supported by Carling)
Winner: Arctic Monkeys

Best Album (supported by HMV)
Winner: The Horrors - 'Skying'

Best Track (supported by Fender)
Winner: Florence + The Machine - 'Shake It Out'

Dancefloor Anthem (supported by NME Radio)
Winner: Katy B - 'Broken Record'

Best Video (supported by NMEVideo.com)
Winner: Hurts - 'Sunday'

Best TV Show
Winner: 'Fresh Meat'

Best Festival
Winner: Glastonbury

Best Film
Winner: 'Submarine'

Best Music Film
Winner: 'Back And Forth' - Foo Fighters

Greatest Music Moment Of The Year
Winner: The Stone Roses reunite

Best Reissue
Winner: The Smiths - 'Complete Reissues'

Best Book
Winner: Noel Fielding - 'The Scribblings Of A Madcap Shambleton'

Hero Of The Year
Winner: Matt Bellamy

Villain Of The Year
Winner: Justin Bieber

Worst Album
Winner: Justin Bieber - 'Under The Mistletoe'

Worst Band
Winner: One Direction

Best Album Artwork
Winner: Friendly Fires - 'Pala'

Best Band Blog Or Twitter
Winner: @LadyGaga

Best Small Festival
Winner: RockNess

Most Dedicated Fans
Winner: Muse

Hottest Male
Winner: Jared Leto, 30 Seconds To Mars

Hottest Female
Winner: Hayley Williams, Paramore

Still, it appears the people who still buy the NME believe Kasabian to be the best band in the world.

There's also an example of the structural problems the brand is facing. At the foot of the winner page is this:

To read all about the awards and all the shenanigans from the night, pick up next week's issue of NME, which is on UK newsstands next Wednesday (March 7) or available digitally.

How does that help anyone, never mind the NME? It means that the day this week's issue came out, effectively it became outdated (it's a Sex Pistols front cover, so it's decades out of date, but you get my point.) Online visitors don't get any coverage, save for a slight blog, when they'd expect it, and instead are told to wait an entire week, then switch off their computer and go to the shops. And meanwhile, anyone interested in the "shenanigans" will find other newspapers and websites more than happy to fill them in. (Gordon Smart has done a page, for example.)

So, in effect, the NME has spent a fortune filling up other people's gossip pages, rendered this week's issue redundant and next week's dedicated to an event which will have been so far in the past it might just as well be an interview with John Lydon. Even if you're not going to embrace digital first, shouldn't you at least hold the prizes the day before you go to press to close the gap a little?

On the other hand, if Kasabian win best band, why would you be in any rush to tell people?

NME Awards 2012: The shortlist

Okay, haven't actually looked at these yet, but I'm going to guess that the key theme of this year's NME shortlist will be 'please like us, Lana Del Ray's people'.

Here's the shortlist in full:

Best British Band (supported by Sonos)
Arctic Monkeys
Bombay Bicycle Club
The Horrors
Kasabian
Muse

Best International Band (supported by T4)
Arcade Fire
Foo Fighters
Justice
Odd Future
The Strokes

Best Solo Artist (supported by Rekorderlig)
Adele
Florence + The Machine
Frank Turner
Laura Marling
Miles Kane
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

Best New Band (supported by Boxfresh)
Foster The People
Lana Del Rey
Tribes
The Vaccines
Wu Lyf

Best Live Band (supported by Carling)
Arctic Monkeys
Kasabian
Muse
Pulp
Two Door Cinema Club

Best Album (supported by HMV)
Arctic Monkeys - 'Suck It And See'
The Horrors - 'Skying'
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - 'Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds'
PJ Harvey - 'Let England Shake'
The Vaccines - 'What Did You Expect From The Vaccines?'

Best Track (supported by Fender)
Arctic Monkeys - 'The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala'
Bombay Bicycle Club - 'Shuffle'
Florence + The Machine - 'Shake It Out'
Hurts – 'Sunday'
Lana Del Rey - 'Video Games'


Dancefloor Anthem (supported by NME Radio)
Azealia Banks - '212'
Foster The People - 'Pumped Up Kicks'
Justice - 'Civilization'
Katy B - 'Broken Record'
Metronomy - 'The Bay'


Best Video (supported by NMEVideo.com)
Arctic Monkeys - 'Suck It And See'
Beyonce - 'Countdown'
Hurts - 'Sunday'
Lana Del Rey - 'Video Games'
Tyler, The Creator - 'Yonkers'

Best TV Show
'Dr Who'
'Fresh Meat'
'Misfits'
'Never Mind The Buzzcocks'
'This Is England '88'

Best Festival
Bestival
Glastonbury
Reading & Leeds
T In The Park
V Festival


Best Film
'Black Swan'
'Drive'
'Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2'
'The Inbetweeners Movie'
'Submarine'

Best Music Film
'Back And Forth' - Foo Fighters
'Living In The Material World' - George Harrison
'Talihina Sky' - Kings Of Leon
'There Are No Innocent Bystanders' - The Libertines
'Upside Down - The Creation Records Story'

Greatest Music Moment Of The Year
Brian May joins My Chemical Romance onstage at Reading Festival
Kasabian see in 2012 with their epic London O2 Arena show
Noel Gallagher launches his solo career with press conference
Pulp steal the show at Glastonbury with secret set
The Stone Roses reunite

Best Re-issue
Manic Street Preachers - 'National Treasures'
Nirvana - 'Nevermind'
Primal Scream - 'Screamadelica'
The Rolling Stones - 'Some Girls'
The Smiths - 'Complete Re-issues'
(New award)

Best Book
Jared Leto - 'Notes From The Outernet'
Jarvis Cocker - 'Mother, Brother, Lover: Selected Lyrics'
Malcolm X - 'A Life Of Reinvention'
Noel Fielding - 'The Scribblings Of A Madcap Shambleton'
Shaun Ryder - 'Twisting My Melon'

Hero Of The Year
Alex Turner
Dave Grohl
Matt Bellamy
Noel Fielding
Noel Gallagher

Villain Of The Year
David Cameron
Justin Bieber
Lady Gaga
Liam Gallagher
Nick Clegg

Worst Album
Coldplay - 'Mylo Xyloto'
Justin Bieber - 'Under The Mistletoe'
Lady Gaga - 'Born This Way'
One Direction - 'Up All Night'
Viva Brother - 'Famous First Words'

Worst Band
Beady Eye
Coldplay
Muse
One Direction
Viva Brother

Best Album Artwork
Arctic Monkeys - 'Suck It And See'
Bombay Bicycle Club - 'A Different Kind Of Fix'
Bjork - 'Biophilia'
Friendly Fires - 'Pala'
Jay-Z and Kanye West - 'Watch The Throne'

Best Band Blog Or Twitter
@Example
Frank-Turner.com/blog
@KanyeWest
@LadyGaga
@Theohurts

Best Small Festival
Field Day
Hop Farm
Kendal Calling
Latitude
RockNess

Most Dedicated Fans
30 Seconds To Mars
Arctic Monkeys
Hurts
Muse
My Chemical Romance

Hottest Male
Andy Biersack, Black Veil Brides
Dominic Howard, Muse
Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance
Jared Leto, 30 Seconds To Mars
Matt Bellamy, Muse

Hottest Female
Amy Lee, Evanescence
Florence Welch, Florence + The Machine
Hayley Williams, Paramore
Katy Perry
Marina Diamandis, Marina And The Diamonds

Jared Leto's written a book? Bless.

Well, here's a thing; not a heavy stuffing of nominations for Lana Del Ray; just the one, for the fairly meaningless pop video prize. But that's enough for her to be popped into the headline on the noms page:

Arctic Monkeys, Noel Gallagher, The Vaccines, Lana Del Rey nominated for NME Awards 2012

But I think the shortlisting of Brian May getting on stage with My Chemical Romance as being "the greatest music moment of the year" is the thing that screams out of this list as marking their loss of way.

That and Noel Gallagher. I mean, I'm not fond of Liam - you might have noticed - but to pillory his band while the equally inept Half Hearted Birds leader is in with a shout of hero of the year.

And what's the point of the "most dedicated fans" section? Isn't that implied by the level of support for otherwise clapped-out warhorses?

NME Awards 2011: More like the Brits than ever before

The NME Awards, sponsored by Johnson's No More Tears Baby Shampoo, were spat out last night. There were a lot of awards, too, creating the situation where there are now more NME awards winners than actual NME magazine readers.

Here's what won whomness:

Godlike Genius: Dave Grohl

Philip Hall Radar Award: The Naked And Famous

Teenage Cancer Trust Outstanding Contribution To Music: PJ Harvey

John Peel Award for Innovation: Crystal Castles

Best British Band (supported by Shockwaves)
Winners: Muse
Nominated: Arctic Monkeys, Biffy Clyro, Foals, Kasabian

Best International Band (supported by T4)
Winners: My Chemical Romance
Nominated: Arcade Fire, Kings Of Leon, The Drums, Vampire Weekend

Best Solo Artist
Winner: Laura Marling
Nominated: Florence Welch, Frank Turner, Kanye West, Paul Weller

Best New Band (supported by Boxfresh)
Winners: Hurts
Nominated: Beady Eye, Everything Everything, The Drums, Two Door Cinema Club

Best Live Band
Winners: Biffy Clyro
Nominated: Arcade Fire, Foals, Kasabian, Muse

Best Album
Winner: Arcade Fire – 'The Suburbs'
Nominated: Crystal Castles – 'Crystal Castles II', Foals – 'Total Life Forever', My Chemical Romance – 'Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys', Two Door Cinema Club – 'Tourist History'

Best Track (supported by NME Radio)
Winner: Foals – 'Spanish Sahara'
Nominated: Cee Lo Green – 'Fuck You', Gorillaz – 'Stylo', Janelle Monae (featuring Big Boi) – 'Tightrope', Mark Ronson & The Business Intl. – 'Bang Bang Bang'

Best Video (supported by NME TV)
Winners: My Chemical Romance – 'Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)'
Nominated: Arcade Fire – 'We Used To Wait', Brandon Flowers – 'Crossfire', Chase & Status – 'Let You Go', Gorillaz – 'Stylo'

Best Festival
Winners: Glastonbury
Nominated: Download, Reading And Leeds Festivals, T In The Park, V Festival

Best Dancefloor Filler
Winners: Professor Green – 'Jungle'
Nominated: Crystal Castles – 'Baptism', Kele – 'Tenderoni', Plan B – 'Stay Too Long', Tinie Tempah – 'Pass Out'

Best TV Show
Winner: 'Skins'
Nominated: 'Misfits', 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks', 'Peep Show', 'The Inbetweeners'

Best Film
Winner: Inception
Nominated: Get Him To The Greek, Kick-Ass, Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, The Social Network

Hero Of The Year
Winner: Lady Gaga
Nominated: Gerard Way, Julian Assange, Kanye West

Villain Of The Year
Winners: David Cameron
Nominated: Axl Rose, Justin Bieber, Nick Clegg, Simon Cowell

Most Stylish (supported by Shockwaves)
Winner: Brandon Flowers
Nominated: Hayley Williams, Lady Gaga, Liam Gallagher, Noel Fielding

Least Stylish
Winnes: Justin Bieber
Nominated: Cheryl Cole, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Liam Gallagher

Worst Album
Winners: Justin Bieber – 'My World'
Nominated: Cheryl Cole – 'Messy Little Raindrops', Katy Perry – 'Teenage Dream', Kings Of Leon – 'Come Around Sundown', My Chemical Romance – 'Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys'

Worst Band
Winners: Jonas Brothers
Nominated: 30 Seconds To Mars, JLS, Kings Of Leon, Tokio Hotel

Best Band Blog or Twitter
Winner: Hayley Williams
Nominated: Frank Turner, Kanye West, Lily Allen, Theo Hutchcraft

Best Book
Winner: John Lydon – 'Mr Rotten's Scrapbook'
Nominated: Carl Barat – 'Threepenny Memoir', Jay-Z – 'Decoded', Keith Richards – 'Life', Russell Brand – 'My Booky Wook 2'

Best Small Festival (50,000 capacity or lower)
Winners: RockNess
Nominated: Bestival, Kendal Calling, Latitude, Underage Festival

Best Album Artwork
Winner: Klaxons – 'Surfing The Void'
Nominated: Foals – 'Total Life Forever', Gorillaz – 'Plastic Beach', MGMT – 'Congratulations', My Chemical Romance – 'Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys'

Hottest Woman
Winner: Alison Mosshart
Nominated: Emily Haines, Hayley Williams, Lady Gaga, Shakira

Hottest Man
Winners: Matt Bellamy
Nominated: Alex Turner, Billie Joe Armstrong, Dominic Howard, Jared Leto

Muse. Laura Marling. The Arcade Fire. The only real difference between the NME Awards and the Brits this year is the audience go "oh, them" rather than "who are they?"

But two prizes for My Chemical Romance? Blimey. Maybe next year they might want to think about trying making votes on a form cut from the magazine count double compared to an online vote. Or perhaps just give up and merge with Kerrang.

NME lives in a world where Brandon Flowers is the most stylish person on the entire planet. Let's just think on that for a moment.

NME Awards 2011: Nominations and shortlists

This year, I resisted the 'Brit Awards 2012' joke. To be honest, there's no real sense of levity here at all.

Beady Eye are in the best new band shortlist - despite only one word in the category name being appropriate; and given that there's been one song to judge them properly on, it's almost as if their nomination has been built on the backs of people going "I'm sure they'll be great".

You'll be delighted to hear that, as mandated by ancient law, Muse are on the shortlist for Best Live Band.

There's a lot of ragging on Justin Beiber, which the NME readership probably views as being proof of their authenticity, but the shortlist for best track hardly yells "I have a sophisticated musical palate."

The awards are sponsored by some sort of hair product, don't forget. Shortlist in full:

Best British Band supported by Shockwaves
Arctic Monkeys
Biffy Clyro
Foals
Kasabian
Muse

Best International Band supported by T4
Arcade Fire
Kings Of Leon
My Chemical Romance
The Drums
Vampire Weekend

Best Solo Artist
Florence + The Machine
Frank Turner
Kanye West
Laura Marling
Paul Weller

Best New Band supported by Boxfresh
Beady Eye
Everything Everything
Hurts
The Drums
Two Door Cinema Club

Best Live Band
Arcade Fire
Biffy Clyro
Foals
Kasabian
Muse

Best Album
Arcade Fire – 'The Suburbs'
Crystal Castles – 'Crystal Castles II'
Foals – 'Total Life Forever'
My Chemical Romance – 'Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys'
Two Door Cinema Club – 'Tourist History'

Best Track supported by NME Radio
Cee Lo Green – ‘F*** You’
Foals – 'Spanish Sahara'
Gorillaz – 'Stylo'
Janelle Monae (feat Big Boi) – 'Tightrope'
Mark Ronson & The Business Intl –'Bang Bang Bang'

Best Video supported by NME TV
Arcade Fire – 'We Used To Wait'
Brandon Flowers – 'Crossfire'
Chase & Status – 'Let You Go'
Gorillaz – 'Stylo'
My Chemical Romance – 'Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)'

Best Festival
Download
Glastonbury
Reading & Leeds Festivals
T In The Park
V Festival

Best Dancefloor Filler
Crystal Castles – 'Baptism'
Kele – 'Tenderoni'
Plan B – ‘Stay Too Long’
Professor Green – 'Jungle'
Tinie Tempah – 'Pass Out'

Best TV Show
Misfits
Nevermind The Buzzcocks
Peep Show
Skins
The Inbetweeners

Best Film
Get Him To The Greek
Inception
Kick-Ass
Scott Pilgrim Vs The World
The Social Network

Hero Of The Year
Gerard Way
Julian Assange
Kanye West
Lady Gaga
Matt Bellamy

Villain Of The Year
Axl Rose
David Cameron
Justin Bieber
Nick Clegg
Simon Cowell

Most Stylish supported by Shockwaves
Brandon Flowers
Hayley Williams
Lady Gaga
Liam Gallagher
Noel Fielding

Least Stylish
Cheryl Cole
Justin Bieber
Ke$ha
Lady Gaga
Liam Gallagher

Worst Album
Cheryl Cole – 'Messy Little Raindrops'
Justin Bieber –' My World'
Katy Perry – 'Teenage Dream'
Kings Of Leon – 'Come Around Sundown'
My Chemical Romance – 'Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys'

Worst Band
30 Seconds To Mars
JLS
Jonas Brothers
Kings Of Leon
Tokio Hotel

Best Band Blog Or Twitter
Frank Turner
Hayley Williams
Kanye West
Lily Allen
Theo Hutchcraft

Best Book
Carl Barat – Threepenny Memoir
Jay-Z – Decode
John Lydon – Mr Rotten's Scrapbook
Keith Richards – Life
Russell Brand – My Booky Wook 2

Best Small Festival (50,000 capacity or lower)
Bestival
Kendal Calling
Latitude
RockNess
Underage Festival

Best Album Artwork
Foals – 'Total Life Forever'
Gorillaz – 'Plastic Beach'
Klaxons – 'Surfing The Void'
MGMT – Congratulations
My Chemical Romance – 'Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys'

Hottest Woman
Alison Mosshart (The Kills)
Emily Haines (Metric)
Hayley Williams (Paramore)
Lady Gaga
Shakira

Hottest Man
Alex Turner (Arctic Monkeys)
Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day)
Dominic Howard (Muse)
Jared Leto (30 Seconds To Mars)
Matt Bellamy (Muse)

You know what? Might be a good idea to drop the best book category next year. It kind of suggests NME readers don't do much of the reading.

Dave Grohl is a bit like God

This year's Shockwaves NME Shockwaves Awards are going to give their Shockwaves Shockwaves Godlike Genius Award to Dave Grohl, it was announced about an hour ago.

Dave is pleased:

Dave Grohl says: “It's really flattering and really good company to be in. It's a nice thing to be acknowledge for doing something that you love to do, but in truth I don't consider it a body of work because I don't consider it work, I just consider it this incredible luxury that I get to play music and travel the world and feed my kids. It's pretty great. Awards and lists can get silly sometimes but I'm very appreciative of this. It's really cool to be called a godlike genius!”

Yes, nothing silly about an award sponsored by hairgrease.

Grohl always seems like a thoroughly nice bloke, and giving him a prize seems fair enough.

Not sure that 'genius' sits particularly comfortably, though. Given how he denied the link between HIV and AIDS, raising money for a group that pushed that line, muddled-headed at best might be a more apt title.

NME editor Krissi Murison says: “An NME Godlike Genius is a very rare thing. To qualify, an artist must not only be a musical visionary, have an unparalleled legacy and a decade-spanning career, but also still be meaningful to young bands and music fans today. Whether it’s headlining the world's greatest festivals, staging his own mega-gigs, releasing a series of hugely successful albums, collaborating with everyone from The Prodigy to Paul McCartney or still surprising fans with projects like Them Crooked Vultures, Dave Grohl is at the centre of everything interesting that is happening in music.

To be honest, Them Crooked Vultures, and working with Macca and Prodigy smacks of a career which has run aground - much as how the Oscars and BAFTAs will give a lifetime award to a director or actor who looks like they might not be around for the next prize night, it makes sense for the NME to try and get a prize into hands that are just starting to pull on string driving gloves for a life of trundling in the middle lane.

Also: at the centre of everything interesting happening in music? Really? Are you sure?

NME Awards 2010: Next year, sponsored by Kleenex

Let's try this post again with some actual words in it, shall we?

The NME Awards happened out of their box last night, and in a surprise, The Stone Roses won every category.

Alright, nothing that interesting happened. Although, tucked inside the play-it-safe, alt-by-template prizes to Paramore and Muse and Arctic Monkeys and - so help us God - Kasabian, there were a couple of signs of individual thought. Jamie T winning best solo artist (take that, Welch) and The Big Pink picking up track of the year are probably both decisions which would justify the NME claiming to be a voice outside the mainstream.

Pity about the rest of the winners:

Godlike Genius
Paul Weller

Outstanding Contribution To Music
The Specials

Best British Band (sponsored by Shockwaves)
Winner: Muse
Nominated: Arctic Monkeys, Biffy Clyro, Kasabian, Oasis

Best International Band (sponsored by 4music/T4)
Winner: Paramore
Nominated: Green Day, Kings Of Leon, Vampire Weekend, Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Best Solo Artist
Winner: Jamie T
Nominated: Dizzee Rascal, Florence And The Machine, Julian Casablancas, Lady Gaga

Best New Band (sponsored by USC)
Winner: Bombay Bicycle Club
Nominated: The Big Pink, Mumford & Sons, The xx, La Roux

Best Live Band (sponsored by Tuborg)
Winner: Arctic Monkeys
Nominated: Kasabian, Muse, Radiohead, Them Crooked Vultures

Best Album (sponsored by HMV)
Winner: Kasabian – 'West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum'
Nominated: Arctic Monkeys – 'Humbug', Muse – 'The Resistance', The Cribs – 'Ignore The Ignorant', The Horrors – 'Primary Colours'

Best Track (sponsored by NME Radio)
Winner: The Big Pink – 'Dominos'
Nominated: Animal Collective – 'My Girls', Arctic Monkeys – 'Crying Lightning', Florence And The Machine – 'Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)', Jamie T – 'Sticks N' Stones'

Best Video (sponsored by NME TV)
Winner: Biffy Clyro – 'The Captain'
Nominated: Arctic Monkeys – 'Cornerstone ', Kasabian – 'Fire', The Maccabees – 'Can You Give It', Oasis – 'Falling Down'

Best Live Event
Winner: Blur at Hyde Park
Nominated: Jay-Z at Alexandra Palace, Muse at Teignmouth, Oasis at Heaton Park, The Dead Weather at Shoreditch Church

Best Festival
Winner: Glastonbury
Nominated: Download, Reading And Leeds Festivals, T In The Park, V Festival

Best Dancefloor Filler
Winner: La Roux – 'In For The Kill' (Skream Remix)
Nominated: Dizzee Rascal And Armand Van Helden – 'Bonkers', Florence And The Machine – 'You've Got The Love', Lady Gaga – 'Poker Face', Yeah Yeah Yeahs – 'Zero'

Best TV Show
Winner: The Inbetweeners
Nominated: Never Mind The Buzzcocks, Peep Show, Skins, True Blood

Best Film
Winner: Inglourious Basterds
Nominated: (500) Days Of Summer, In The Loop, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Where The Wild Things Are

Best DVD
Winner: The Mighty Boosh – Future Sailors
Nominated: Kings Of Leon – Live At The The O2 Arena, Flight Of The Conchords – Complete HBO Second Season, The Killers – Live From The Royal Albert Hall, Nirvana – Live At Reading

Giving It Back Fan Award
Winner: Lily Allen for her Twitter ticket treasure hunt
Nominated: Kasabian and Noel Fielding for free 'Vlad The Impaler' video, Danger Mouse for leaking 'Dark Night Of The Soul', Arctic Monkeys for their Oxfam golden tickets, Vampire Weekend for giving away 'Horchata' from the album 'Contra'

Hero Of The Year
Winner: Rage Against The Machine
Nominated: Beyoncé Knowles, Noel Gallagher, Matt Bellamy, Alex Turner

Villain Of The Year
Winner: Kanye West
Nominated: Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher, Simon Cowell, Lady Gaga

Best Dressed
Winner: Lady Gaga
Nominated: Liam Gallagher, Noel Fielding, Florence Welch, Karen O

Worst Dressed
Winner: Lady Gaga
Nominated: Matt Bellamy, Katy Perry, Liam Gallagher, Elly Jackson (La Roux)

Worst Album
Winner: The Jonas Brothers – 'Lines Vines Trying Times'
Nominated: Green Day – '21st Century Breakdown', Lady Gaga – 'The Fame', U2 – 'No Line On The Horizon', Arctic Monkeys – 'Humbug'

Worst Band
Winner: Jonas Brothers
Nominated: Green Day, Oasis, Paramore

Hottest Man
Winner: Matt Bellamy (Muse)

Hottest Woman
Winner: Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

Best Website (excluding NME.COM)
Winner: Muse.mu
Nominated: YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Greenday.com

Best Album Artwork
Winner: Kasabian – 'West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum'
Nominated: Muse – 'The Resistance', Green Day – '21st Century Breakdown', The Cribs – 'Ignore The Ignorant', Manic Street Preachers – 'Journal For Plague Lovers '

Best Band Blog
Winner: Radiohead (Radiohead.com/deadairspace)
Nominated: Muse (Muse.mu and Twitter.com/muse), Noel Gallagher (Oasisinet.com), Los Campesinos! (Loscampesinos.com), Paramore (Paramore.net)

The real worry is that the more these awards suggest NME readers love Kasabian, the more the NME will write about them, and the more they're lose readers who actually like music, leaving an even higher proportion of Kasabian fans for next year and... oh, it doesn't bear thinking about.

Gordon in the morning: NME awards, you're doing it wrong

This morning's Bizarre gives a double page spread to the NME Awards shortlist. Doubtless IPC will be delighted, but hasn't the idea that the NME prizes is some sort of alternative take on the Brits now vanished totally?

Course, Gordon's coverage is in part driven by his beloved Kasabian having been lined up for so many categories:

Kasabian have proved they are the best in the country on current form and deserve the title of Best British Band.

Last year's No1 album, West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum, was a cracker.

But the Arctics' latest, Humbug, which had a few decent tunes, was a flop by their extremely high standards.

Kasabian are out in front for Best Live Act too.

They upstaged the Monkeys at Glastonbury in 2007 as fans chanted well into their rivals' set.

Pssst... Gordon: that doesn't mean Kasabian are better than the Monkeys, it just means that Kasabian fans are socially ignorant and irritating.

Besides Gordon clicking repeatedly on the 'Like this' button next to Kasabian's name, what other predictions does he have for the event?

One thing's for sure...

Yes?

...a few ales will be sunk at the bash on February 24.

Right-o.

Also on Bizarre this morning is an eye-catching headline:

Heidi: HMs allowed drugs

Which would be a story worth sharing, were she not talking about how Channel 4 and Endemol let Big Brother housemates who are receiving prescribed medication, erm, take their medicine.

It's almost as if the Sun newsroom is now staffed with people going "I can never remember... is it 'dog bites man' or 'man bites dog' which is news?"

Brit Awards 2011 shortlist announced: NME awards shortlist published

Well, it's as good a joke as it was last year. Although, to be honest, this year's shortlists for the NME prizes is so conservative, I suspect even the Brits jury might be ashamed of it.

They put on a brave face:

The shortlists for the Shockwaves NME Awards 2010 were announced tonight (January 25). Arctic Monkeys, Kasabian, Muse, Oasis and Biffy Clyro are among the nominees.

Good god. Kasabian? Oasis?

This is what happens when you let your readership bleed away.

The NME Awards 2010 nominations are:

Best British Band (sponsored by Shockwaves)
Arctic Monkeys
Biffy Clyro
Kasabian
Muse
Oasis

Best International Band (sponsored by 4music/T4)
Green Day
Kings Of Leon
Paramore
Vampire Weekend
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Best Solo Artist
Dizzee Rascal
Florence And The Machine
Jamie T
Julian Casablancas
Lady Gaga

Best New Band (sponsored by USC)
The Big Pink
Bombay Bicycle Club
Mumford & Sons
The xx
La Roux

Best Live Band (sponsored by Tuborg)
Arctic Monkeys
Kasabian
Muse
Radiohead
Them Crooked Vultures

Best Album (sponsored by HMV)
Arctic Monkeys – 'Humbug'
Kasabian – 'West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum'
Muse – 'The Resistance'
The Cribs – 'Ignore The Ignorant'
The Horrors – 'Primary Colours'

Best Track (sponsored by NME Radio)
Animal Collective – 'My Girls'
Arctic Monkeys – 'Crying Lightning'
Florence And The Machine – 'Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)'
Jamie T – 'Sticks N' Stones'
The Big Pink – 'Dominos'

Best Video (sponsored by NME TV)
Arctic Monkeys – 'Cornerstone '
Biffy Clyro – 'The Captain'
Kasabian – 'Fire'
The Maccabees – 'Can You Give It'
Oasis – 'Falling Down'

Best Live Event
Blur at Hyde Park
Jay-Z at Alexandra Palace
Muse at Teignmouth
Oasis at Heaton Park
The Dead Weather at Shoreditch Church

Best Festival
Download
Glastonbury
Reading And Leeds Festivals
T In The Park
V Festival

Best Dancefloor Filler
Dizzee Rascal And Armand Van Helden – 'Bonkers'
Florence And The Machine – 'You've Got The Love'
La Roux – 'In For The Kill' (Skream Remix)
Lady Gaga – 'Poker Face'
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – 'Zero'

Best TV Show
The Inbetweeners
Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Peep Show
Skins
True Blood

Best Film
(500) Days Of Summer
In The Loop
Inglourious Basterds
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Where The Wild Things Are

Best DVD
Kings Of Leon – Live At The The O2 Arena
Flight Of The Conchords – Complete HBO Second Season
The Killers – Live From The Royal Albert Hall
The Mighty Boosh – Future Sailors
Nirvana – Live At Reading

Giving It Back Fan Award
Kasabian and Noel Fielding for free 'Vlad The Impaler' video
Danger Mouse for leaking 'Dark Night Of The Soul'
Lily Allen for her Twitter ticket treasure hunt
Arctic Monkeys for their Oxfam golden tickets
Vampire Weekend for giving away 'Horchata' from the album 'Contra'

Hero Of The Year
Beyoncé Knowles
Noel Gallagher
Rage Against The Machine
Matt Bellamy
Alex Turner

Villain Of The Year
Noel Gallagher
Liam Gallagher
Simon Cowell
Kanye West
Lady Gaga

Best Dressed
Lady Gaga
Liam Gallagher
Noel Fielding
Florence Welch
Karen O

Worst Dressed
Lady Gaga
Matt Bellamy
Katy Perry
Liam Gallagher
Elly Jackson, La Roux

Worst Album
Green Day – '21st Century Breakdown'
Lady Gaga – 'The Fame'
The Jonas Brothers – 'Lines Vines Trying Times'
U2 – 'No Line On The Horizon'
Arctic Monkeys – 'Humbug'

Worst Band
Green Day
Oasis
Jonas Brothers
Paramore
JLS

Hottest Man
Head to NME.COM now to rate possibles including Alex Turner, Liam Gallagher, Peter Doherty, Matt Bellamy, Brandon Flowers and Julian Casablancas

Hottest Woman
Head to NME.COM now to rate possibles including Lily Allen, Alison Mosshart, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Florence Welch and Karen O

Best Website (excluding NME.COM)
Muse.mu
YouTube
Facebook
Twitter
Greenday.com

Best Album Artwork
Muse – 'The Resistance'
Green Day – '21st Century Breakdown'
Kasabian – 'West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum'
The Cribs – 'Ignore The Ignorant'
Manic Street Preachers – 'Journal For Plague Lovers '

Best Band Blog
Muse (Muse.mu and Twitter.com/muse)
Radiohead (Radiohead.com/deadairspace)
Noel Gallagher (Oasisinet.com)
Los Campesinos! (Loscampesinos.com)
Paramore (Paramore.net)

Those heroes are pretty odd, aren't they? Beyonce? Rage? What exactly did Rage Against the Machine do to be heroic? They were basically 'anyone other that Simon Cowell', which is hardly being heroic, is it?

Mind you, the villains are even worse. How could either of the Gallaghers be villains? This is the first year they've ever done something to make our lives better.

And can we just say: Tuborg? Tuborg lager? Really?

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet: The Cure

A&Rmchair goes to the big NME Awards show:

The gig we were at was the NME Awards Big Gig - a show sponsored by Shockwaves, which for many of the fellas keeping babysitters in business that night, seemed an inappropriate product given our follicular state. It wasn't all about the headline act though - The Cure may have managed to pretty much fill the 23,000 capacity venue but it was Franz Ferdinand who gave it some NME flavour - I doubt whether many of the folk there had ever heard of Crystal Castles and you know my thoughts on White Lies already - we missed them both last night by the way, as we were more usefully spending that time patrolling the cavernous Dome looking for its Box Office, queuing up, being sent to another Gate because of a 'ticket misprint' etc etc. White Lies were about to release their follow up album by the time we got in.

Gordon in the morning: A kinder, gentler Gordon

Hold the front page. Or at least the top of the page... Gordon's updated his byline picture:

Gone is the awkward suit - described by Gordon, of course, as "gay" - and the strange holding of the hand as if shielding the ring finger stance.

In comes... what is that, exactly? Harry Cross on a public order charge? "The sociology teacher was relieved to have got through the Ofsted inspection without year 11 asking questions about same-sex marriage or race?"

You've got to love that strange, ethereal glow around him - is that the protection of a loving god? A recent bowl of Reddy Brek?

Otherwise, it's business as usual: NME Awards coverage with this:

Blur are no longer NMEs

NME/enemy? I first saw that used in a Smash Hits letters page in 1979, and I suspect it was whiskery then. It doesn't even make any sense, does it? As - last night, at least - the Blur reunion was NME's. "NME's - not enemies" you might have got away with.

But, tell me, Gordon - where was the ceremony?

London’s Brixton Academy.

London's Brixton Academy. Not, you'll note, the Brixton Academy in York or Brixton, Alabama.

The Enemy had a great time:

THE ENEMY’s TOM CLARKE told me: “It’s nice not being nominated ’coz there’s no pressure. We’re just gonna have a laugh and get pissed.”

How brilliant it is not having to be worried the whole time that we might find the public love us and value our records. Ooh, the sweet joy of having the pressure of being popular lifted from our weary shoulders. You know what? We might make another underwhelming record next year, so that we don't have to worry about anything other than getting drunk at the 2010 awards.