Gordon in the morning: The new sudoku

It's interesting to note that the Sun's Heather Mills coverage over the last couple of days, which has historically been co-posted under the Bizarre heading online, hasn't been shared with Gordon's column. Which is odd, you'd have thought he'd have liked having something about a person with a porn past on his part of the website.

In the paper, the lead is claims that Lily Allen got asked to not sing Fulham songs in the West Ham director's box, after having had a bit too much pre-match hospitality. Gordon's source tuts:

She was singing Fulham chants really loudly and her language was not suitable for a football match these days.

These days. As in 'since football became too expensive for the riff-raff', presumably.

Gordon also has a probably-baseless story about Blake begging Amy for money for drucks via some sort of third-party bank account - although, unusually for the Bizarre column, there's actually a sourced comment to back this one up:

Pentonville’s security chief Andy Watts has written to Blake’s solicitors warning: “There is strong and supported intelligence he is involved in attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison.”

Goodness. We bet they had to send someone off to the reporter's desk to ask how you phrase it when you're not making up keeping the source of quote anonymous.

No word of how Gordon has become privy to a letter from Pentonville to a solicitor, you'll note. Perhaps the security of the prison isn't all it should be.

For the Bank Holiday weekend, though, there's a special online feature:

Match star to the push-up bra

No, really.

We're pretty certain number five is Gordon himself, but we didn't want to look too closely.