Rav Singh takes a fifty-fifty

With the Cheryl Cole story still hanging around, Rav Singh gets a chance to bring his super showbiz future-seeing spectacles to peer and let his readers know what's going to happen.

Or what he thinks is going to happen anyway:

CHEATED Cheryl Cole has told her foul footballer husband Ashley she'll consider taking him back...if he agrees to play by her rules.

So that's an "if" and a "consider". Rav claims that Cheryl - like Woodrow Wilson in a minidress - has produced a list of points which must be agreed to if there's to be an armistice, and quotes a "source close to the couple":

"Cheryl is a tough, straight-talking Geordie girl and she was never going to let Ashley back into her life with a beaming smile and open arms," said a source close to the couple.

"He's going to have to work hard to win his place back in Cheryl's heart. That their split was so public made things ten times worse for Cheryl.

"She's a big enough star as it is, but her every move has been put under the microscope at a time when she was struggling to get to grips with what she was feeling.

"This is not just some quick-fix solution.

"She wants to see that Ashley is prepared to make some major changes to his ways and stick to these five points.

"It's her way or the highway on this one, that's for sure."

What person who really knows someone going through marital difficulties would start their take on the situation with "she's a tough-talking Geordie" - unless, perhaps, they were a voiceover artist for action movie trailers?

There's another quote from the 'source' which, we think, might set a new record for strung-together hackneyed phrases:

"Ashley has begged and begged for another chance. Cheryl has thought long and hard about her decision. It hasn't been easy.

"But Cheryl has a lot of respect for herself and Ashley is going to start appreciating that or he'll be out in the cold for good."

Because you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear or many a muckle will make many a mickle.

We can see why Singh's attributed this guff to a "source" - you'd be ashamed if you'd written that, wouldn't you?