Monday, September 29, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Shingles chart

In the midst of a pile of jibber-jabber about the making of the new Girls Aloud video, Gordon throws away the one interesting fact he has:

Nadine, now on her sickbed with a bout of shingles, wanted Irish talent in the mix while Nicola no doubt asked for some redheads.

Shingles? Really? But before we're able to focus on this, Smart is yammering away about rubbish again ("she has red hair, so she'd probably want red-haired people in the video"? Why - do they stick together or something, Gordon?)

Even more bizarrely - perhaps as a sign that he's even boring himself - Gordon suddenly starts talking about Duff McKagan's clunking Loaded band instead. The vague reason is that McKagan apparently likes Girls Aloud, but it looks more like Smart was desperate to smuggle a reference to a band nobody cares about into his paper and used this paper tiger as a Trojan horse. Although if you really used a paper tiger like that, your troops would fall out the tiger and everyone would be a little embarrassed.

There's trouble, too, with the non-story about Eva Longoria perhaps being pregnant. The piece is so slight, it's got three headlines on it and none of them make any sense.

On the online front page of Bizarre, it's
Eva is so sexy


On the top of the webpage window, someone has decided that the headline should be
Eva Longoria looks chest swell

On the news page itself, the headline is


When even the subs can't work out what the story is meant to be, surely its a sign to spike the thing?


Anonymous said...

Eva Longoria looks chest swell

I think I can help here. The last time the 'chest swell' pun was seen in public, it was as part of the notorious 'Charlotte Looks Chest Swell' headline, caught touting a seedy long-lens photo of a 15 year-old Charlotte Church in a swimsuit. Some people considered this to be ever so slightly wrong, particularly for the soaraway nonce-bashing Sun. The pun was escorted from the premises via the back door, and was immediately retired on full pay to spend more time with its family.

Years later, 'Chest swell' is being slowly reintroduced back into the community, following its very public downfall. As we see here, it appears as one of three headlines on the same non-story which nobody will read. The plan is for it to be back in full service by Christmas, coincidentally around the same time as the next big free DVD giveaway, 'The Best of the Minipops'.

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