Saturday, September 13, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Whatever, you want?

Gordon is predicting big things for Status Quo:

THERE is a good chance STATUS QUO will be No1 this Christmas.

What? Whatever can you mean?
No, I haven’t been in Dr Who’s Tardis and found myself back in 1986 wearing stonewash denim, a white T-shirt and waistcoat.

Well, thank goodness for that. Although if you had gone back to 1986, you wouldn't be writing in a newspaper in 2008 anyway, would you?

No, Gordon is basing his prediction on a Scooter-Status Quo mash-up which is going to be released to try and spoil December.

What's funny is that the record is dreadful, but Smart clearly doesn't want to commit to condemning it out of hand just in case he can pad out his December 27th column with an "I predicted it" piece. So it's almost impossible to tell what he really thinks:
The song is already being played in clubs and the re-hash, based on Quo’s famous guitar riff, has gone down as well as a cheap alcopop.

As in everyone is filling themselves up with it? Or that people think it's cheap and leaves them feeling queasy before throwing up and swearing never again?

Then there's this frankly baffling statement:
They are Germany’s most successful ever singles act.

The band consists of MICHAEL SIMON, HP BAXXTER and RICK J JORDAN.

They sound like a collection of men responsible for this rubbish.

Is it just me or is listing the members of a band and then saying "well, that sounds like the sort of people who would make the record they've made" actually a less worthwhile way of filling a line of space than, say, just repeatedly hitting the ! key?

Elsewhere, Gordon spins Russell Brand and Britney Spears being in the same restaurant at roughly the same time into a possible romance:
Stranger things have happened...

Well, yes. But a cat giving birth to a litter of snakes is slightly different from two people going to eat at one of the most over-exposed restauarants in Los Angeles.


4 comments:

Chris Brown said...

Why 1986 anyway? Quo weren't Christmas Number One in 1986, or any other year come to that. And the original 'Whatever You Want' was in 1979.

Anonymous said...

Smart's sentence re. Scooter is indeed staggeringly pointless - and yet it *isn't*, as far as Murdoch is concerned, because it basically says "they're German. They're big in Germany. *Of course* they're rubbish. They're bloody Krauts - what do you expect?".

The sentence is, like almost everything else in the Murdoch press, very clever psy-ops. It is as political, and as much an expression of the Murdoch extreme neoliberal and anti-social-democratic agenda, as anything on Fox News.

This isn't just bad tabloid journalism. It's far more dangerous than that.

Chris Brown said...

In that context, though, doesn't he drop a bit of a clanger by revealing that at least two of them have very un-German sounding names?

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