Cliff fans target Oasis

Cliff Richard's fans are humping at Oasis, claiming they've stolen Sir Cliff's ideas.

"Its true" said a spokesperson. "Cliff was a grumpy old man complaining that there was not the proper respect for him ages ago - now Noel's come and done that. Swaggering about as if the charts owed you a position? Our man was doing that in the 1990s. And let's not forget that the tired reworking of Beatles songs - with ever diminishing returns - is little more than what Cliff did to Elvis four decades ago."

"That's right" agreed another spokesperson. "Cliff was letting Tony Blair take holidays on his private island ages before Noel was turning up at the Brits to endorse Blair."

"No... actually, Gallagher did that one first, I think" countered the first spokesperson. "But not as well. Gallagher only fawned; Cliff gave away a holiday."

"Oh. Yes. But making an embarrassing bid to try and prove your artistic virility by releasing a single and expecting it to go to number one, only for it to not make it... that was Cliff's idea."

"And relying on an aging fanbase who think that by buying the same act whose music they bought when they were young, they'll somehow fight against getting older... that wasn't an Oasis idea. That was pure Mr. Sir Cliff, that was."

There's some muttering that one of the new Oasis songs sounds like Devil Woman, also.