Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Celebrity Big Brother: What, exactly, is a Lucy Pinder?

So, in yesterday's batch of highlights from Channel 4's rest home for the famous but confused, the producers injected a note of cruelty into proceedings by making people demonstrate the skills which made them famous-enough-for-celebrity-Big-Brother.

Poor LaToya found herself singing along to one of her brother's songs and Mutya was invited to do a Sugababes song, rather than one of her solo efforts.

At least Michelle Heaton was allowed to do a Liberty X song - although that turned out to be even crueller, given that she could no more hit a note than a double-decker bus could hide in a single-storey garage. She was given a costume, in a bid to ape the latex-clad video for Just A Little Bit; sadly, it was a cheap PVC catsuit which appeared to have been wrestled off the back of a burly transvestite minutes before Heaton clambered in to it.

Terry Christian looked like he enjoyed it, though. Christian - by virtue of having been backward in coming forward on the first night - had earned the power of judge and jury over this looking-glass Butlins' talent night, and would later have to name those who he felt had insufficient talent to remain in the house. "Ooh, you've made me the bad guy again" he moaned in the diary room, trying to look like he didn't like the attention - something which he had about as much success with as he did disguising his loinal stirrings while Heaton strumped about in the baggy plastic.

One of those who he put up for the chop was Lucy Pinder, on the grounds that he'd never heard of her before. "I've never seen her in a bikini, I've never seen her with her... for want of a better word, waps out." Really, Terry? You couldn't think of a better word? Really?

To be fair, Pinder had pretty much flunked the 'why I'm famous' round, starting off by once again calling herself "a little bit Tory" (oh, how fantastically contrary for a rich-but-dim woman to vote Conservative). "I don't really like Gordon and his team" she underlined (ah, that sort of Tory - one who doesn't like the Labour party.) She then explained that she felt Brown had betrayed what they originally believed in while in power - but since Brown once strongly believed in good, old Clause 4 values, surely someone who supported Tory values would be delighted that Brown had turned his back on all that socialism stuff? Isn't it a little like saying you hate rain and then complaining that there's a drought on?

Unless Pinder really meant that she thought Brown was betraying Blairism - she is quite young, she might think that Labour has always been a centre-right social democratic party and that, by privatisingnationalising banks, he's turning his back on all that. Unfortunately, she didn't explain further because she then started to churn on about how great her job is - "I met the Bo Selecta bear..."

You wonder if Channel 4 have told Pinder to mention her mushy-right-wing politics frequently in a bid to provide some sort of Ofcom-calming balance to Tommy Sheridan's leftist blasts. Sheridan did, to his credit, take full opportunity to condemn the Iraq war at the top of his lungs - "I speak truth to power" he roared. If Pinder is meant to be the balance to this, it's like planting carrots in the hope they'll provide a windbreak for the rest of the garden.

I'm not quite sure how Ben Adams demonstrated the reason why he's well-known: how do you illustrate 'making teenagers feel strange tinglings they've never had before'?
[UPDATED: Thanks, Gatz, for pointing out the slip]


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