Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Liam Gallagher's swift comeback

There is l'esprit d'escalier, and then there is l'esprit d'a month or so later. James P writes with news of Liam Gallagher:

Liam Gallgher's said something again. This time it's another attack on Peter Kay, which he gurgled to ShortList magazine. As is traditional, Gallagher issues this brave threat of violence some time after the actual event, rather than just bloody getting on and doing it while the target's standing right there in front of him, calling him a knob.

His razor-sharp attack in full: "Talking of k**b, have you seen yours lately, you f***ing fat c***? Know what I mean? Bet he ain't seen his for years. That is one c*** who'd get decked if I saw him on the street, believe you me."

Believe me him, Kay is now quaking in his boots, living in fear that he may one day run into Gallagher in the street and suffer a surprise decking which, as history has shown us, would consist of Gallagher spotting him, leaping out of the way to hide behind a nearby drummer, waiting for his security staff to safely restrain him then delivering a series of devastating angry pointings.

(Have pop music feuds always been this dire, by the way? I'm sure bands used to write whole songs attacking their foes. These days all we seem to get is the printed equivalent of a drunk man shaking his fist with impotent rage at a kebab van, before skulking home muttering "It's a good job you held me back, because... Ooh... He was lucky")

Let's hope this forms part of the protocol for the Prime Minister Debates. It'd be nice to see Gordon Brown turn up in the Telegraph in mid-July saying "you know what, I should have said 'It's not you coming from Eton, it's the Eton mess you'll make of things.' I might have won, then. I bloody would have done."