Gordon in the morning: No, don't tell me more

It's not just the big splash story on the Bizarre site this morning, but it gets the full "by Gordon Smart, showbiz editor" byline.

What revelation could be worthy of such attention?

Erm, that Wayne Rooney quite likes Grease.

Still, it allows Gordon to attempt to force some gender warfare down our throats:

That's a schoolboy error, Mr Rooney. It's a film for teenage girls.
[...]
All of those years sharing a TV remote with Coleen must've affected his mind.

Bizarre HQ will raid the Christmas party piggybank and send him the Die Hard and Rocky box-sets immediately.

Because, naturally, that's what boys watch.

Noel Gallagher threatened by Kenickie

3AM actually has a decent story this morning, as Noel Gallagher reveals Kenickie waved a knife at him.

Not the band, sadly. Jeff Conaway. Noel recalls:

"Kenickie shouted, 'I've had four back operations, you know.' "So I said, 'So get yourself out of that wheelchair then!' "He said, 'I've had four operations but I can still pull a knife on you.' And he pulled out a big blade.

We thought: 'You're going down, Kenickie.'"

Ah, yes. That would be Noel telling a chronic alcoholic to get out of his wheelchair. Perhaps he thinks he's got healing powers... like god... glowing god... going... going

The word that you heard

As if the fear of a modern day Grease 3 isn't enough to scare you, Ja Rule and Ashanti are plotting a remake of the original, in a truncated music video form. Ja's got it all worked out in his head:

"We'll start out the video with the whole transition thing — where she got on her slut outfit, she's smoking a cigarette and coughing and her girls are there. She's like, 'Well, if he wants me to be more street, that's what I gotta do.' And they cut to me and I'm in my sweater and my niggas are there, rolling the dice or whatever and they're looking at me like, 'Yo, what the fuck?' "I'm like 'I love her. If she wants me to be a little more [preppy], this is what I gotta do.' I see her in the slut outfit and I rip off my joint then I'm in all black and it's on and popping. It's gonna be hot"

Somehow, we can't believe it's going to outclass Hilda Baker and Arthur Mullard's classic remake of the You're The One That I Want video, but it's probably going to come close.