"Of course, if the doctors did use any drugs they never did so in front of me..."

George Martin has had some minor surgery and is recovering well, says his manager.

Rumours that Martin was having his voicebox remastered and his eyeballs rescanned in hi-res could not be confirmed at this time.

Yes, yes, the cruel jibe occured to us, too

Gary Jarman has been left unable to talk for two weeks following an operation to save his voice and, by implication, The Cribs:

"You may have noticed that my once youthful sounding cherub-like voice from the first album has, over the course of three records, degenerated into the grizzled, bitter old man voice of today. Well, no more! I am currently mute, unable to speak for the next couple of weeks, and on a heady mixture of Vicodin and Throat Coat tea."

To be honest, I'd thought it was just late onset puberty doing that, but it turns out it was the old nodules on the vocal chords. Which have now been removed.

Rock sick list: Dave Gahan

Well, that explains all those canceled Depeche Mode tour dates: Dave Gahan's gastroenteritis has turned out to be a cancerous tumour.

He's had an operation, and is expected to make a recovery fast enough to allow the tour to resume on June 6th.

Debbie Harry's embryo face

We love Debbie Harry - even when she tried to insist on being called Deborah Harry, we still loved her. The only thing is...

"I had these cells injected in to me in my early thirties," Debbie reveals. "I read that the famous heart surgeon Christian Barnard was involved in a Swiss clinic researching fresh cell replacement.

"I went along to Switzerland to have a course of 11 injections, from the embryos of black sheep.

"They would take from the liver, glands, bone and whatever and make up these injections.

"It turned out that I was the youngest person to ever have the treatment. Whether that treatment lasted this long, I don't know. But I feel great."

... we don't think we'll kiss her on the cheek, thank you.

Wood snaps

It's only to be expected at their age, I suppose - each date on the Rolling Stones tour seemed to be followed by a bout of hospitalisation.

Latest to get to spend some time with the alcohol rub and thermometers is Ron Wood, who's done himself a mischief:

"He felt a twinge during one particularly energetic number.

"The pain was getting worse but he was determined not to let it ruin his Christmas."

The pain turned out to be a hernia - last week he was in for an op to push everything back where it's meant to be.

Paul McCartney's heart fixed

Mercifully, The Sun resisted the chance to suggest that Paul McCartney's heart trouble was due to Heather Mills turning it to stone, or ripping it out.

McCartney had a coronary angioplasty after complaining of feeling unwell. This all took place back in the autumn.