Gordon in the morning: Modern Olympians

Presumably as a tribute to the first time London hosted the Olympics, it looks like the organisers are block booking acts who were around in 1908. Seriously, it's all about Ronnie Wood, Gordon reveals:

RONNIE Wood could be at the Olympic site more often than Sir Chris Hoy this summer.

The Rolling Stones guitarist has been asked to perform at both the opening and closing ceremonies – in different bands.

Ronnie said: "We've got more meetings, everyone wants to do it.

"I've been asked to do the opening ceremony with the Stones and close the games with The Faces.

Really? The Stones and The Faces? Are they also planning to measure the running events in yards?

By the way: the front page of The Sun today has a full-sheet picture of the "bath that Whitney Houston died in". For a paper that is trying to argue that it shouldn't just be closed down and forgotten, it's doing an excellent job of offering ammunition to the other side.

Sony Awards 2011: The winners

Congratulations to Jeremy Vine, who adds 'interview of the year' from the Sony Awards to the distinction of being the only thing on Radio 2 ever to have been the inspiration for a joke on The Daily Show. That Gordon Brown interview was quite a thing.

(There's room to debate if the award was really for the interview of the work of the webcam, of course.)

Prizes tonight also to Danny Baker - let's hope people don't fall into the trap of thinking this is a sympathy vote for having had cancer, but truly a recognition that there's no finer broadcaster in the realm. He managed to make the slim conceit of a month of programmes from the roof of Broadcasting House work, dammit.

Ronnie Wood took the Music Radio Personality prize. Typical, huh, pop stars coming onto the radio and forcing out people like, erm, silver prize winner Jarvis Cocker.

These are the winners in full:

Breakfast Show of the Year (10 million plus)
Gold: 5 live Breakfast - BBC Radio 5 live
Silver: The Chris Evans Breakfast Show - BBC Radio 2
Bronze: The Christian O'Connell Breakfast Show - Absolute Radio

Breakfast Show of the Year (under 10 million)
Gold: The Graham Mack Breakfast Show - BBC Wiltshire
Silver: Juice FM Breakfast Show with Adam and Leanne -107.6 Juice FM
Bronze: Simon James and Hill - Kerrang! Radio

Best Music Programme
Gold: Simon Mayo Drivetime - BBC Radio 2
Silver: Geoff Lloyd's Hometime Show - Absolute Radio
Bronze: The Radcliffe and Maconie Show - Smooth Operations (Productions) Ltd for BBC Radio 2

Best Specialist Music Programme
Gold: Jazz on 3 - Somethin' Else for BBC Radio 3
Silver: MistaJam - BBC Radio 1Xtra
Bronze: Another Country - BBC Radio Scotland

Best Entertainment Programme
Gold: The Frank Skinner Show - Avalon for Absolute Radio
Silver: Westwood - BBC Radio 1Xtra
Bronze: Real Radio Breakfast with Ditchy & Salty - Real Radio Northwest

Best Speech Programme
Gold: The Infinite Monkey Cage - BBC Radio Science for BBC Radio 4
Silver: Victoria Derbyshire - BBC Radio 5 live
Bronze: A History Of The World In 100 Objects - BBC Radio Documentaries for BBC Radio 4

Best Sports Programme
Gold: Fighting Talk - Worlds End Television for BBC Radio 5 live
Silver: Sportsworld - BBC World Service Sport for BBC World Service
Bronze: BBC Radio Humberside Sport: Grimsby Town Relegation - BBC Radio Humberside

Best News & Current Affairs Programme
Gold: Victoria Derbyshire - BBC Radio 5 live
Silver: LBC Nightly News - LBC 97.3
Bronze: Newshour - BBC World Service News & Current Affairs for BBC World Service

Best Breaking News Coverage
Gold: 5 live Drive: Birth Of The Coalition - BBC Radio 5 live
Silver: West Cumbria Shootings - BBC Radio Cumbria
Bronze: The Last Days of Raoul Moat - Real Radio North East for Real Radio

Best Live Event Coverage
Gold: The Ryder Cup on 5 live - BBC Radio 5 live
Silver: Great North Run Coverage - Metro Radio
Bronze: 102.5 Clyde 1 at T In The Park 2010 - Radio Clyde for Clyde 1

Best Community Programming
Gold: Warning: May Contain Nuts - BBC Radio Berkshire
Silver: The Brixton Hour - Prison Radio Association for National Prison Radio
Bronze: Divided We Fall - Mannmade Productions for Preston FM

Best Internet Programme
Gold: Answer Me This! – Answer Me This Podcast.com
Silver: Night in Hackney - Hackney Podcast
Bronze: Flaps Podcast - Flaps Podcast.com

Music Radio Personality of the Year
Gold: Ronnie Wood - A Somethin' Else production for Absolute Radio and Absolute Classic Rock
Silver: Jarvis Cocker - BBC 6 Music
Bronze: Chris Moyles - BBC Radio 1

Music Broadcaster of the Year
Gold: Zane Lowe - BBC Radio 1
Silver: Mark Radcliffe - Smooth Operations (Productions) Ltd for BBC Radio 2
Bronze: MistaJam - BBC Radio 1Xtra

Speech Radio Personality of the Year
Gold: Danny Baker - Campbell Davison Media (for BBC Radio 5 live)/ BBC London 94.9
Silver: Nicky Campbell & Shelagh Fogarty - BBC Radio 5 live
Bronze: Stephen Nolan - BBC Radio 5 live and BBC Radio Ulster

Speech Broadcaster of the Year
Gold: Jeremy Vine - BBC Radio 2
Silver: Victoria Derbyshire - BBC Radio 5 live
Bronze: Anne Diamond - BBC Radio Berkshire

News Journalist of the Year
Gold: Matthew Price - BBC Newsgathering for BBC Radio 4
Silver: Real Radio Yorkshire News Team - Real Radio Yorkshire News for Real Radio Yorkshire
Bronze: Norman Smith - BBC Political Programmes for BBC Radio 4

Best On-Air Contributor
Gold: Annabel Port - Absolute Radio
Silver: Ed Palmer & Simon Buschenfeld, Heart Network Comedy - Heart Network
Bronze: Steve Levine - Magnum Opus Broadcasting Ltd for BBC Radio 2 and BBC 6 Music

Best Interview
Gold: Jeremy Vine interviews Gordon Brown - BBC Radio 2
Silver: John Humphrys interviews Julian Assange - Today for BBC Radio 4
Bronze: Neil Fox interviews Robbie Williams - Magic 105.4

Best Use of Branded Content
Gold: Alex Masterley on Classic FM with Towry - Classic FM
Silver: 95.8 Capital FM: Cadbury Spots v Stripes - Global Radio for 95.8 Capital FM
Bronze: XFM: Lost Takeover - Global Radio for XFM London and XFM Manchester

Best Single Promo/Commercial
Gold: Capital's Summertime Ball Mash-Up - 95.8 Capital FM
Silver: Eastenders - BBC Radio Cross Trails / Redbee Media for BBC Radio 1, BBC Radio 2, BBC Local Radio and BBC Regional Radio
Bronze: MFR Christmas Toy Appeal 2010 - Moray Firth Radio (MFR)

Best Promotional/Advertising Campaign
Gold: The FIFA World Cup 2010, South Africa on talkSPORT - talkSPORT Creative for talkSPORT
Silver: Capital's Summertime Ball - I Can't Wait To See.... - 95.8 Capital FM
Bronze: The Winter Olympics on the BBC - Fresh Air Production for BBC Radio XTrails
on BBC Radio 1, BBC Radio 2, BBC Radio 4, BBC Radio 5 live and BBC Local Radio

Best Competition
Gold: Beat The Star - Heart West Midlands
Silver: Pink Custard Days - Wyvern
Bronze: Magic's Mystery Voices - Magic 105.4

Best Station Imaging
Gold: Kiss 100 - Kiss 100 & Pure Tonic Media for Kiss 100
Silver: The Absolute Radio Network
Bronze: talkSPORT - talkSPORT Creative for talkSPORT

Best Music Special
Gold: The John Bonham Story - TBI Media for BBC 6 Music
Silver: The Man Machine - USP Content for BBC Radio 2
Bronze: Lenny Henry's Musical Journey To South Africa - Just Radio Ltd for BBC Radio 4

Best News Special
Gold: Raoul Moat - The Final Hours - Real Radio North East for Real Radio
Silver: The Reunion: Hurricane Katrina - Whistledown Productions for BBC Radio 4
Bronze: World Stories: Afghanistan's Dancing Boys - BBC Audio & Music Factual/Uzbek Service for BBC World Service

Best Feature
Gold: Heel, Toe, Step Together - Falling Tree Productions for BBC Radio 4
Silver: Between The Ears: The Haunted Moustache - BBC Radio Documentaries for BBC Radio 3
Bronze: Wireless Kenny Everett - Howlett Media Productions for BBC Radio 2

Best Comedy
Gold: The Jason Byrne Show - BBC Radio Comedy for BBC Radio 2
Silver: Just A Minute - BBC Radio Comedy for BBC Radio 4
Bronze: Tom Wrigglesworth's Open Return Letter To Richard Branson - BBC Radio Comedy for BBC Radio 4

Best Drama
Gold: Every Child Matters - BBC Radio Drama Manchester for BBC Radio 4
Silver: Murder In Samarkand - Greenpoint Films for BBC Radio 4
Bronze: RIP Boy - Red Production Company for BBC Radio 4

Best Use of Multiplatform
Gold: BBC Introducing - BBC Audio & Music for BBC Radio 1, BBC 6 Music, BBC Asian Network, BBC Radio 1Xtra, BBC Radio 3, BBC Local Radio and BBC Radio 2
Silver: Absolute Radio's Mobile Apps - Absolute Radio
Bronze: A History of the World In 100 Objects - BBC Radio 4 interactive for BBC Radio 4

Station Programmer Of The Year
Gold Moz Dee, talkSPORT

Station of the Year (Under 300,000)
Gold: Central FM (103.1 FM)

Station of the Year (300,000 - 1 million)
Gold: BBC Radio Derby

Station of the Year (1 Million plus)
Gold: 105.4 Real Radio North West

Digital Station of the Year
Gold: Fun Kids
UK Station of the Year
Gold: talkSPORT

The Special Award - Annie Nightingale

The Gold Award - Jenni Murray

The Faces choose a new Face

The Faces have decided to get back together for the Vintage Festival at Goodwood. Trouble is, Rod Stewart is too busy/too lazy/too afraid of the tax implications to get involved.

Never mind, because they've got a plan b.

Send for Mick Hucknall.

And you thought nothing would ever top Edward Scissorhand's secateurs-for-fingers as the most ill-conceived replacement operation in history, didn't you?

Speaking to the Guardian, Ronnie Wood, who went on to join the Rolling Stones, insisted that Hucknall was rock'n'roll enough to step into Rod Stewart's tartan stack heels. "His band aren't but he is. Mick's a big Faces fan and it comes out when he sings, it's a kind of relief for him because he can let loose. Mick's range is like Rod's vocal range was in the seventies."

It's interesting that Hucknall feels so trapped in his Simply Red day job. Since money isn't really a problem for him, why doesn't he just break free and do it?

Gordon in the morning: My dinner with Paolo

Gordon Smart enjoyed a supper with Paolo Nutini and - aside from something about Nutini missing a doctor's appointment, what do you suppose the main interest was?

We were sat at a table next to RONNIE WOOD and his Brazilian girl Ana Araujo.

Ronnie must have smoked 20 cigarettes, getting up from his table every five minutes, but he wasn't drinking much. They woolfed down oysters then fish and chips before heading into the night.

Clearly, Nutini is such glittering company Gordon spent the whole night staring at Ronnie's table instead.

Nutini's appointment was at Harley Street to have his voice checked out; he'd managed to miss the first one. It sounds like he's about as bothered about his singing career as most of the world are.

Wood down, Brown off

Apparently keen to tidy up rock star domestic violence before the end of the year, Ronnie Wood has been cautioned after an assault on his then-partner Ekaterina Ivanova, while Ian Brown has been released without charge after being interviewed by police. Brown had been arrested after an alleged incident between him and his wife Fabiola Quiroz.

Gordon in the morning: She's back, back, back. Oh god.

Amy Winehouse has come back home - good news for News International, who can gather infomration about her so much more cheaply now she's just a taxi drive away.

And how is she, as she gets off an international flight, Gordon?

The boozy songbird looked freckled but fragile after jetting into Gatwick airport from St Lucia.

Freckled but fragile? What does that even mean?

A source said: "At one point Amy had toyed with the idea of permanently relocating to St Lucia but that's no longer the case."

I'm presuming "toyed with idea" means "Gordon said she was going to" in this instance. But you've got to admire the quality of the information that Smart has access to - a source who can reveal that she's not staying in St Lucia just a few hours after she's got her luggage off the Gatwick carousel.

Gordon points out that it's been three years now since she last released a proper record:

Much more delay and all the focus will be on her hell-raising rather than her music. And we wouldn't want that, would we... ?

Ha ha! Imagine, eh, Gordon, if she was releasing music rather than slowly and publicly killing herself with drink and drugs. Just imagine.

Elsewhere, Ronnie Wood's former brother-in-law has done a picture which shows Wood drinking blood from a young virgin's neck. Thereby, at a stroke, making Twilight no longer the world's most juvenile vampire story.

[Paul Karslake] The painter said: "I don't hate the bloke, but I am very annoyed with him.

"Ron's a vampire, all those Rolling Stones guys are. They stay up all night and sleep all day."

Actually, that doesn't necessarily make them vampires. Sleeping all day and being active at night makes them like lorises as much as vampires.

Old Faces

Rod Stewart. Ron Wood. Um, the rest of The Faces. Are they about to reform? (Yes, yes they are.)

In fact, they're going to rehearse together on Monday, and if they can persuade Ticketmaster to set a price that will justify tearing themselves away from the hearths ("if they can remember the songs") then we could see a futile reunion. Full. A full reunion.

More bemusing questions from the News Of The World

The NOTW gets incredible excited this morning over some really grotty pictures of Ron Wood and Ekaterina Ivanova having supper:

IT COULD be the most EXPENSIVE dessert in HISTORY as Ronnie Wood lets his Russian lover tenderly spoon ice cream into his mouth in our pictures of their intimate dinner together.

For the final chilling bill for the old Stone’s cosy £100 meal with 20-year-old Ekaterina Ivanova could run to as much as £50 MILLION.

On the front of the site, they go further, describing the grimy shots as

Photos that could cost Ronnie £50million

But, clearly, they're not. If it's true that his wife has had enough, and is planning to divorce him, and the settlement does match the paper's back-of-a-condom-packet calculations, it's hard to see why the photo would make much difference one way or another to the already very public and apparent situation. Unless, perhaps, sharing a tiramisu with a woman not your wife is a bigger betrayal than any other.

Gordon in the morning: He doesn't know, either

A pointless piece - to which Gordon adds his own byline as well as the Gordon In The Borrowed Suit branding - this morning: An unnamed friend of Ron Wood's wife Jo says that she's given up on him after an unnamed friend of her son said that he'd been seen drinking neat vodka. An unnamed friend (sorry, a "close chum") of Ron denies he's drinking - albeit offering the shakiest of evidence:

“Ronnie O’Sullivan scored a 145 break and everyone left with a smile on their face. It was all good, clean fun.”

The closest thing to an on-the-record fact?

A spokesman for the star last night refused to comment on whether he was boozing.

Gordon's awful headline kind of underlines the point:

Rolling drunk or still Ron the wagon?

He doesn't know.

Still, elsewhere, there's e-commerce in action, as a piece about, erm, The Cheeky Girls sunbathing has a sales message stuck at the foot of the text:

Find your own cheeky girls with a 72-hour FREE trial at our top dating website sunsingles.co.uk

Perhaps this is going to be commonplace on future Bizarre articles - making Gordon make some money. Amy Winehouse pieces rounded off with "would you like love that's so strong even being thrown in the big house for GBH can't dim the passion? Try Sun Singles", that sort of thing?

Gordon in the morning: Where the wild things aren't

You've fallen off the wagon. You've made yourself look a bit of knob by chasing a model younger than most of the whiskeys you drink. You've let down your wife. Your humiliation is public.

But the worst thing of all? Gordon Smart reveals that it's unlikely that Ronnie Wood will now appear in The Mighty Boosh's Christmas cash-in ("tie-in") book.

But it's clear that Gordon genuinely believes that this is a loss - the Boosh and the Stone were working on a retelling of Where The Wild Things Are, which gives him the chance to run through the plot of the story. You might think that summarising a children's book is money for old rope, but the story is probably the most complex thing that's appeared on Bizarre for months.

Say goodnight, Jimi

Meanwhile, the FT must be slightly miffed that it secured an interview with Ronnie Wood and between transcription and publication, it turned out he'd fallen off the wagon, on to the top of a Russian model. Or, more accurately, "model".

Still, it did at least get him to talk about flatsharing with Jimi Hendrix:

“He didn’t think he was any good as a singer. I used to say, ‘Don’t worry about that voice’,” Wood revealed.

“He used to obliterate real life by being stoned all the time – and he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t realise how good he was.”

Hendrix obliterated life with drugs. Not, perhaps, the biggest revelation.

Wood seems to be carrying a grudge from their final meeting, though:

“He was leaving Ronnie Scott’s. He had his arm around a girl and he looked really sad. I went out after him and said, ‘Jimi, you didn’t say goodnight.”

Wood is strangely quiet about what happened next. Probably trying to avoid self-incrimination.

Gordon in the morning: Young girls

Gordon is thrilled this morning, as you can, if you have the inclination and a high quality zoom, spot the outline of Pixie Geldof's nipples:

PIXIE GELDOF’s quirky clothes and customised rollerskates were not the only things standing out from the crowd at a roller disco.

The cheeky but cheerful madam must have got dressed in a hurry and forgot to put on a bra.

There's nothing at all creepy about a man running pictures of a girl who isn't yet 18 so that people can look at her nipples. Nothing creepy at all.

But it might explain why Ron Wood is getting such a gentle ride on the Bizarre pages.

Gordon in the morning: Middle-aged man puts on weight; old man chase youth

We're at a loss to understand why Gordon is so excited about a photo of Boy George with a bit of a belly, so much so he put it in the newspaper.

A 47 year-old man is not as slim as he was when he was 22? I'm surprised Newsnight isn't organising some sort of debate.

Perhaps it was just Gordon felt his jokes were so great, it was worth the effort of running them:

BOY GEORGE looks like he’s turned into a Karma Cha-MEAL-eon as he lumbers along a city street.

No, not that then.

Elsewhere, with journalists covering the supposed Ron Wood making a fool of himself story - he's fallen for a teenager and off the wagon - Gordon is left to deliver a think piece about it:

WHEN RONNIE WOOD falls off the wagon, it’s time to get a hard-hat on.

He is famous for his boozing and when he hits the bottle, it isn’t in half measures.

The last time Ron was back on his favourite tipple, vodka — and lots of it — he ended up under a table in a posh restaurant biting KATE MOSS' ankles.

Ha ha! Alcoholism is funny, isn't it?

Gordon remembers that he's meant to be being responsible:

It’s sad, though, to see a man who had a happy family risk it all with his desire to go on month-long benders.

Gordon's attitude to heavy drinking is bemusing. Is heavy drinking sad? Then why do you give a prize for heavy drinking, Gordon? Can you simultaneously celebrate and berate people for drinking too much?

When he finally sobers up, as he has done before, he will realise the blunder he has made by upsetting his stunning, loyal wife Jo.

If he doesn’t, he can forget the planned Faces comeback and winning his family back.

It's not clear here if Gordon is suggesting he might not sober up, or realise his mistake. Because not patching things up with his wife would threaten the family, but not the reunion, surely?

Same old Faces

It's all Led Zeppelin's fault, isn't it? We're now staring a Faces reunion in the, erm, face.

And, yes, it's a full one - which means a new album, with new songs.

Wood withdraws paintings

We know that Ronnie Wood's reputation as an artist is that he's not that bad, in a helps-he's-famous way, but it doesn't help enough when you ask people to shell out cash for his work.

Wood was trying to flog a picture of himself and Rod Stewart on eBay, but has withdrawn the lot after it only managed about half the reserve. Mind you that was five hundred quid, so it's not like people were totally turning their noses up.

Perhaps if he'd only done Rod...

With deepest sympathy

How terrible is the woman who's married into Ron Wood's family? Judging by the linking blurb for the 3AM Girls' story, she must be terrible:

Wood weeps at wedding: Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood was comforted by Kate Moss when he wept at his son's wedding.

It turns out, though, that they don't mean "comforted" at all, as Wood was crying tears of joy.

Wood snaps

It's only to be expected at their age, I suppose - each date on the Rolling Stones tour seemed to be followed by a bout of hospitalisation.

Latest to get to spend some time with the alcohol rub and thermometers is Ron Wood, who's done himself a mischief:

"He felt a twinge during one particularly energetic number.

"The pain was getting worse but he was determined not to let it ruin his Christmas."

The pain turned out to be a hernia - last week he was in for an op to push everything back where it's meant to be.

Victoria goes to see the Stones

Besides giggling about Keef and Ronnie smoking onstage - in defiance of the smoking b... sorry, it's so boring I can't be arsed to finished the words - Victoria Newton's 'review' of The Stones at the Millennium Dome reads more like someone who, at best, filed before she set off:

The band arrived at the riverside venue in true James Bond style — on a speedboat. They went on to deliver a medley of hits, and inevitably Keef got to sing a couple (time to go to the bar).

Ah, yes. "A medley of hits". That's, um, quite a setlist.

But once again they proved they’re still a class act and worth the extortionate ticket prices.

Sorry... how can anything be "worth" an "extortionate" price? Victoria, you've just said 'they proved the unfair price was fair'. But perhaps we should let it go as, clearly, you must have been writing this piece so close to midnight, musn't you?

Moss on wood

The news that Kate Moss has gone to find shelter from Pete Doherty by moving in with Ronnie Wood is considered so important, while it appears under Newton's photo byline, it's accompanied by a separate writer's credit. It's Gordon Smart we have to thank for this glittering paragraph:

Recovering alcoholic Ron — who once drank eight pints of Guinness and two bottles of vodka a DAY — is raising her spirits as she gets over her bitter break-up with Pete.

Spirits! Bitter! Alcoholism can be fun!

So, what are they getting up to?

A source said: “Ronnie and Kate have a history of hellraising together so it’s unusual that they are having a quiet time together.

“Kate is washing her hair of Pete, and Ronnie and his wife Jo have been taking her mind off things.

“She has been friends with Ronnie for years. He is on the wagon and is great for her.”

So, Gordon doesn't really know, then. If ever we heard a desperate guess - "they'll be taking her mind off things"? At least he didn't add "they're probably watching television, or maybe DVDs."

Always Wanted More: Ron Wood was down on his luck

Despite having made more cash than a private equity boss, Ronnie Wood nearly found himself in the poor house after making a terrible investment in the South Kensington Harrington Club. Indeed, only a quarter of a million quid loan from the rest of the Stones in 2004 kept him afloat long enough to start making cash back from the continuing touring and his art.

No, we don't know what rate of interest Keith Richards insists on, nor if Mick used to turn up on a weekly basis for his repayment, threatening to take the TV if Wood didn't cough up.