Radio France has, as you might expect, a massive collection of records. One and a half million items on vinyl alone.
Now it's digitising its collection, though, it's thinking it might not need to take up so much space with records and so there's going to be an auction:
As deputy director of documentation and head of the Radio France discography Marc Maret told Trax: “This is not a dead collection. It is alive and well, is used every day, and is affiliated to a music platform that allows its distribution.”
First sale is in June. Anyone asking about Plastique Bertrand will be barred from bidding.
There's going to be a plutocrat trying to get their money back when they discover that The Hunger Games has such a sad ending.
With lots like the chance to eat an entire chicken with Michael Gove and Sarah Vine, the line-up of items suggests a confusion between 'silent auction' and 'unspeakable horror', but there were a surprising number of music-related chances to bid.
Perhaps most surprisingly, there was a photo of Suggs. The catalogue describes the photo:
Portrait photograph of Suggs from Madness.
This framed photographic print of Suggs from Madness is a true collector's item. The photographer Stephen Perry has been described as a true visionary and has taken portrait photographs of the stars since an early age. Stephen claimed that he chose to keep Suggs' sunglasses on as he was still a recognisable figure with them on, although it later emerged that he had been in the pub before the shoot and was slightly the worse for wear!
What larks.
I wonder if there's another story about Suggs being in a pub that might be relevant here? How about this one:
Suggs is keen to point out that Madness were always very political. “We were socialists, and still are, to a greater or lesser extent. Our first gig at the Hope and Anchor was the night Margaret Thatcher got voted in, God help us. All that ‘there’s no such thing as society’ and what they did to the unions… We were a little society of our own and tried to create a feeling of belonging. Our House becomes authentic, even though it’s an abstract. It’s the idea of family.
“We did Red Wedge [aimed at raising political awareness among young people] with Billy Bragg, The Specials, Jerry Dammers, Paul Weller, and we did loads of stuff for the miners, benefits for the strikers and families.”
Perhaps the Tories knew all this. Perhaps using Suggs to raise funds for the Campaign to Re-elect The Shiny Porkfaced Cameron is a joke.
Or perhaps they're just inept.
Another lot is to get Mike Batt to write a song, just for you. "It could be a comic song" suggests the catalogue.
But there's a warning:
Not to be used for commercial purposes
Really? You're putting a ban on a person using something they've bought for their own personal enrichment. You've changed, Conservatives. You used to support the free market. Who knew the invisible hand gets slapped back the minute it tries to caress Mike Batt's bottom line.
Oddly, the various other assaults on his memory - the Elvis-branded banana-flavoured peanut butter cups; the official golden sunglasses; the locks of hair with certificates of authenticity - this seems to be fine with the fans who lap them up.
Tony McCarroll is flogging the drumkit he used when he was in Oasis, and Gordon is happy to help:
He told me: "I've never taken advantage of the Oasis connections over the years. There have been a lot of offers and opportunities but I just never felt the need to.
"I've been living a really normal life, nothing much has been going on.
"I've been looking into DJing with Clint Boon.
"I heard a rumour Wayne Rooney was interested in buying the drum kit and thought that might be better than leaving it in storage."
Tony has never taken advantage of the Oasis connections. Obviously, you have to pretend he never sued the band nor wrote a book called Oasis: The Truth, but it's a pretty impressive claim.
What's odd, though, is the apparent chronology of this story: if you take it as gospel, Wayne Rooney was apparently going round saying 'you know what, for some reason I was thinking I'd quite like to buy Tony McCarroll's old drums, if they ever came on the market'. It's not impossible.
But if Wayne Rooney's interest was the spark which made Tony think 'I could flog them', why would you put them on auction site rather than ring up Wayne Rooney and invite him to make an offer?
McCarroll is lucky, though - according to Oasis myth, he fell out with Noel when Gallagher refused to spend Creation equipment money on bits for the drumkit, making Tony spend his own cash. Had Noel shared that cash, he'd probably be after Tony now for a percentage.
Wool FM is an interesting volunteer-run station in New England, and they're having a fund-raising drive. Much of it you'll have to go to America to take part in, but there's three lots which you can bit for online:
Original contact sheet from photo shoot for Throwing Muses album "House Tornado." Autographed by Kristin Hersh.
Original recording notes for song "Mania" by Throwing Muses. Track Sheet with notes in pencil. Hand-typed lyrics (on an actual typewriter) typed by Kristin Hersh, with production notes and doodles from Throwing Muses. c1988. Autographed by Kristin Hersh.
"Untitled," by Juliana Hatfield. Original painting, acrylic on canvas board, 9" X 12" 2009.
All three things would make an excellent gift for a discerning person, don't you think?
Kurt Cobain wrote an angry letter to MTV, complaining about how it strangled creativity. He never sent it.
"Dear Empty TV/ the entity of all Corporate / GODS / We will survive without you/ easily - - the / oldschool is going / DOWN FAST/ my lifes Dedication/ is Now to Do Nothing/ But SLAG something / Kurdt Kobaineee professional Rock musician."
The xx are now making the final preparations for their final (read: last chance to see them play for a very long time!!!) tour after which they head home for some well-deserved r&r before starting work on the follow up to xx. The band have decided rather than let the lightboxes sit in storage they will put them to good use by auctioning them off with all proceeds going to one of the band’s favorite charities Amnesty International.
They come as a set and sellers won't split, which has apparently put Exene Cervenka off bidding.
There have already been thirty bids so far, pushing the price up to $750. And for what? For this:
Cher will follow you on Twitter for a minimum of 90 days, will retweet one of your tweets and will send out a tweet including your @twitterhandle.
It will be at the celebrity’s discretion to continue following the winner beyond 90 days.
Misuse of talent connection on Twitter may result in revocation of the Follow at the Talent’s discretion. Respect for the Talent is expected at all times. The Talent has the right to refuse fulfillment of the package based on already established relationships, sponsorships or personal preference. If the package is not fulfilled, the winning bid amount will be refunded.
Respect the Talent. With a capital T. Although, clearly, nobody is respecting the potential purchaser enough to bother doing anything beyond cutting-and-pasting some boilerplate text at the bottom of the offer.
The charity is a good one, but... oh lord. This is only one step away from paying a grand on the understanding that Cher will think about you for two minutes at one point in the near future.
That's a song ruined, then. Steve Blacknell reckons he was Kate Bush's Man With The Child In His Eyes.
Yes, that Steve Blacknell. The Daily Mail suggests this:
Steve himself had a successful career in music and TV, and he's best known today for having interviewed Phil Collins on Concorde as the Genesis drummer 'commuted' between the London and Philadelphia stages of Bob Geldof's pioneering Live Aid concert in 1985.
But he's actually best remembered - if at all - as the bloke who did Knock Your Block Off.
Blacknell's own website, by the way, describes his filling-air-time interview with Collins thus:
a year later took a pivotal role in "Live Aid", interviewing Phil Collins on his historic transatlantic concorde flight between London and Philadelphia.
Yes, that was the pivotal part of Live Aid; right up there with Frank Partridge doing news headlines at 3pm.
So, what is the evidence that Blacknell is the Man?
He was Kate Bush's boyfriend at the time she wrote the song - she was 13 at the time; Blacknell was born six years before her. Don't do the maths.
He also has the handwritten lyrics for the song:
Steve Blacknell, 58, of Hythe, Kent, said: 'By the spring of 1975 she had become my first true love.'
'All I really knew about her was that she wrote songs, played the piano and lived in a lovely house with an equally lovely family.
'But I've been told by those around her that I was indeed The Man With The Child In His Eyes and I know that those words were given to me by someone very special.
'They say you never forget your first love and in my case it's as true as it is for anyone. It's true too that she went on to charm, enlighten and entrance people all over the world.'
'I'm proud to have known and loved her, and proud to have shared such amazing times with the genius that is Kate Bush.'
Yes, yes, I'm sure you have a small tear in your eye that you're wiping away, although given that we know about this because Blacknell has put the lyrics up for sale, you might want to feel less moved and more slightly nauseated.
Against his suggestion that he is The Man is that the song doesn't really seem to be about an actual man, and most - if not all - of Bush's work is based on fiction. Perhaps Blacknell also believes he's that there Heathcliff out of the other one.
And, perhaps more importantly, there's Kate on Swap Shop:
About five minutes in, a caller asks Kate what the song is about. "It's about men generally" she explains. To be fair, Steve Blacknell is a man, generally, but there's not any indication that the song is about a specific person at all.
Being an article on Kate, the Mail, of course, is obliged by law to suggest that Bush is some sort of weird recluse:
Kate Bush, now married to guitarist Danny McIntosh, completely withdrew from public life in 1998 following the birth of her son Albert.
Really, Daily Mail? Never mind the 2005 album and promotional stuff, who's this, then, on stage with Dave Gilmour in 2007?
The auction organiser, Stephen Bailey, said: "The toilet might be worth something, and it might not, but it is certainly one of the more unusual items we've sold."
Mmm. Or, perhaps, the point at which you should go 'let's stop fetishising everything Lennon might have touched'.
Sure, he might have been a terrible old hypocrite, but even he might suggest treating his old can as if it was a part of the true cross was taking the piss.
Experts are expecting Lady GaGa to buy the toilet to use in a video.
I know, I know, the idea that John Lennon represents some sort of ideal of the simple life finally vanished around about the time the van turned up with the big white piano, but it never hurts to have it rubbed in.
Handy, I guess, if you're pretty good at magic and want to use the breath, along with certain roots and the heart of a koala to create a Pink of your very own.
Even the seller admits that, you know, this might look a little odd:
PINK'S BREATH IN A BOTTLE
YES WEIRD BUT TRUE
To be fair, at no point does the seller imply it's Pink's entire breath. Just some of it.
This was captured by my 10 year old at her Melbourne concert .on the 14th of August 2009
My Daughter is such a huge Fan That she Thought of this on her own and got close enough for her to breath in the bottle ,
She has kept This bottle since the concert BUT She now wants to save any from this bottle money to try and meet Pink One Day So thats why she has decided to sell it.
If I was Pink, I'd be worried what this kid was planning to capture on the next meeting - kidneys? arms? Is she attempting to create Pink in kit form?
My Daughter Has asked that it go to someone that will Tresure it and Respect it for What it REALLY IS
Yeah, she doesn't want it to go to any old Joe who'd simply flog it on eBay for a... oh, hang on a minute.
So, how can we be sure that this bottle really contains Pink's breath, and isn't merely a bottle with ordinary air - air expired by non-famous people - collected within?
She has also Taken Pics with the Ticket So you Know she was really at the concert
Strictly speaking, having a ticket doesn't actually prove you were anywhere - I know a bloke who has a ticket for the maiden voyage of the Titanic, but I don't think that suggests he's over ninety and escaped a watery grave. And simply being at a concert doesn't mean the bottle was close enough to Pink's lungs on an expiration heave.
The bottle has never been opened since as there is no way in the world she would EVER allow it .
... because one whiff would tell you it's full of Corey Hart's butt and not Pink's lips.
The bids currently stand at $31. Think of it as an investment.
Outrage over at the Mirror this morning, as Clemmie Moodie reports on an auction:
The syringe that administered the fatal drugs to Michael Jackson is set to be auctioned.
To be honest, you'd have thought the guy who tried to buy John Merrick's bones would have put a bid in himself for something like that. But it is, naturally, sick and wrong:
The needle is being touted around auction houses in Vegas with a price of up to $5million (£3.3million).
Psst, Clemmie: although eBay auctions have 'buy it now' prices, actual auctions don't have 'prices' - that's what the auction decides.
It was obtained secretly and could go under the hammer on June 25 - the first anniversary of the 50-year old singer's death in Los Angeles.
Well, it's either that, or a Janet and Mariah duet to mark the day. The syringe sounds a lot more attractive in that light.
Naturally, this isn't just idle speculation. There's an unnamed insider, too:
A source said: "This is one of the sickest lots ever put up. The syringe is no longer needed in the inquest or in murray's forthcoming trial but the moral implications don't bear thinking about.
What exactly does that mean - "the moral implications don't bear thinking about"? What, exactly, are the moral implications? I can see how it might be a bit grisly, and even immoral. But implications? Will you have to murder 200 heroin users in order to auction one Jackson syringe? Is there a suggestion that the selling of the item might lead to an act of good? Because without that, I don't think we're going to need to disinter Bertrand Russell to sort out the moral questions here.
Still, it's a good, solid story you've got there, Clemmie.
"The guy who has possession of the needle has been in meetings with his legal team, making sure it is legitimate and his to sell. The plan is to flog it for up to $5million in a big Vegas casino but he's been told he may have to sell it somewhere that doesn't have 'reciprocal legal agreements with the United States', such as Brazil or even Libya."
Oh. So 'sold for five million on the day of his death in LA' might be 'desperatly hawked around Libya's auction houses, even assuming it turns out that someone has got the right to sell it. Oh. And who wouldn't happily fork out five million bucks through an auction house chosen because precisely it's beyond the reach of American law, eh?
Let's just absorb the announcement this morning that Simon Cowell's Downing Street-mandated Haiti single will feature JLS and Leona Lewis struggling against REM's Everybody Hurts (because if you've got a building fallen on your head, being told that everyone gets a bit upset at times will make you feel so much better).
Absorbed that? We're building a machine in our back garden that will measure just how toxic an idea has to get before the "it's for charity" goodwill protective cover rips to shreds.
A more interesting way to raise funds - albeit one that won't raise quite so much - comes from Damon Albarn, auctioning off a song. Yes, if you win the auction, he'll write a song all about.
Current bids stand at £770, which is a lot less than it cost Justine Frischmann - but she did get a whole album's worth.
Next week is pancreatic cancer awareness week. While some cancers get thousand upon thousands of people out jogging against it, and pink-coloured kitchen items, pancreatic cancer struggles to get its voice heard. If cancer had a voice. You know what I mean.
To help with the awareness-raising, there's a rock-meets-art affair at the Proud Gallery in Camden between the 19th and 30th November. The artwork is all by pop stars - Placebo, Maximo Park - and people like The Stereophonics; on the 18th and the 30th, there's a pair of special events which will include auctioning of said artworks.
Without wishing to appear as his official stalker or anything, there's a sad story in today's Mirror about Mike Read. Apparently following bankrupcy earlier this year, he's being forced to sell his record collection.
It's considered 'too valuable' to break up into single lots, and so is being sold as one item, currently valued at £750,000. It would've been £750,003.99, but the copy of 'Relax' appears to be snapped in half.
The other really strange thing about the Mirror story is that Mike Read - Pop Quiz and Radio 1 - now seems to be morphing into the other Mike Reid - Runaround and EastEnders: According to the Mirror, the bunch of records has been valued at a million but, as James says, is being auctioned as one lot. Which seems a bit confusing - he's in serious financial trouble, and yet he's decided to sell the records in a way that will cost him a quarter of a million quid? You wonder how he ended up going bankrupt twice don't you?
SongVest, the company that reinvented the music memorabilia business by offering the ultimate fan collectible -- the songs themselves -- has announced their next major online auction will take place August 15-22 at songvest.com and will include Billboard Top 40 hits "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" performed by Jermaine Stewart, "Miss You Like Crazy" performed by Natalie Cole, and the international hit "Clothes Off!!" performed by Gym Class Heroes.
You're getting to bid for 25% of writer Preston Glass's royalties on the songs, so it's probably more akin to buying one of those handsome Russian railway share certificates than, say, investing in a company that makes green energy.
It's going to be stuck in your head now anyway, so you might as well:
Please, people, do not find it in any way difficult to keep your breakfast down at the haste with which AEG has launched the auction for those last rehearsal Michael Jackson tapes. Yes, yes, technically they're flogging them off before his body is in the grave, but they did wait until the corpse was cold, didn't they? So very, very cold.
It can be a little confusing, after a month of solidly being told how Michael Jackson belonged to all of us, and was kind-of-like the pyramids and/or the moon, to discover that it turns out he was merely part of a merchandising operation and, actually, didn't belong to all of us at all.
This should, in no way, make you feel that the big memorial service was part of a marketing campaign.
Naturally, AEG will be taking some of the cash - bids opened at $50million, Sony look likely to win - to recompense the people of LA for the costs of staging the memorial, won't they? Hello? AEG? Hello?
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