Cher: Never changes, we'd recognise her anywhere

Cher, eh? With that clear, unchanging image, you'd never confuse her with anyone else...

(I know, I know, algorithms...)

Cher seems to be only person in the world convinced GaGa "leak" wasn't a stunt

It's not just the disappointing GaGa comeback single that has been "leaked" online. The duet between GaGa and Cher has also fallen onto the internet, and Cher is mad as a wasp nest duct-taped to a leopard. ContactMusic has attempted a translation:

"Just heard (The Greatest Thing)! F**k ! It's not even the right f**king version!!! Why do ppl (people) think this kinda leaking s**t is ok ! I'm so f**king disappointed... I've sat on (that) song 4 (for) over a yr (year). Now some a**hole leaks (the) wrong version! Gaga's single is great, & that's all that matters."

It's unclear why, if all that matters is that GaGa's single is great, what Cher is all up in a lather about.

Cher will follow you - for a price. Oh, and respect.

Yes, it might be for charity, but the Cher twitter "experience" auction still reeks of a hollow offer aimed at empty lives.

There have already been thirty bids so far, pushing the price up to $750. And for what? For this:

Cher will follow you on Twitter for a minimum of 90 days, will retweet one of your tweets and will send out a tweet including your @twitterhandle.

It will be at the celebrity’s discretion to continue following the winner beyond 90 days.

Misuse of talent connection on Twitter may result in revocation of the Follow at the Talent’s discretion. Respect for the Talent is expected at all times. The Talent has the right to refuse fulfillment of the package based on already established relationships, sponsorships or personal preference. If the package is not fulfilled, the winning bid amount will be refunded.

Respect the Talent. With a capital T. Although, clearly, nobody is respecting the potential purchaser enough to bother doing anything beyond cutting-and-pasting some boilerplate text at the bottom of the offer.

The charity is a good one, but... oh lord. This is only one step away from paying a grand on the understanding that Cher will think about you for two minutes at one point in the near future.

[via @princess_knicks]

MTV VMAs ZZZ

It's not entirely clear why MTV - a network which now broadcasts wall-to-wall programming featuring people who can't act trying to act like they're not acting - persists with the Video Music Awards, but they battle boldly on.

The handing of eight awards to Lady GaGa - seven for the same song, Bad Romance - gives the impression of a network which doesn't really keep up with music any more, and relies on the odd piece of music reporting in the papers to keep fresh. Lady GaGa is what the kids like now, right?

That Cher turned up wearing her If I Could Turn Back Time costume did little to dispel the sense that this is an awards ceremony that used to be a somebody. Even GaGa was wearing a dress that was a drawing of one she'd worn before. Jesus, they even had Taylor Swift do a song about last year's awards, and Eminem opened proceedings.

Usher and Linkin Park were among other performers on the night.

Sure, it still gets the MTV brand mentioned on TV, but given that MTV isn't really MTV any more, why are they still pouring cash into an expensive event which seems to have lost any interest in what its supposed to celebrate?

Cher: What's new, Pussycat?

As the rebooted Batman franchise looks forward to making a second mountain of money ("second movie"), the big question is who is going to play Catwoman.

Okay, the real question is when will they announce Angelina Jolie will play Catwoman, but - wait! Some tension has entered the cat casting question: Cher's face (her current one) is apparently in the frame:

“I would LOVE nothing more than for Cher to play Catwoman,” said her manager Risa Shapiro in this morning’s phone interview. “She’d be great. She’s one of the most extraordinary women anyone could ever meet. But I haven’t received any phone call about this, and hadn’t even heard about it .”

They can do astonishing things with CGI these days, so it might be not beyond the realms of possibility that Cher could be made to look like Jolie in post-production. And she would be wearing a mask most of the time.

Do you beeee-leeeeeeeeeave in work after retirement?

We can't pretend that anyone on the planet really believed that Cher's big retirement tour from three years ago was really going to see her put her feet up and spend the rest of her days watching Countdown; even if that was her plan, it seems the appearance of Richard Digance in dictionary corner has been enough to persuade her to comeback, with a residency in Las Vegas.

She looks exactly the same as she did on the day she retired - or at least will do once the last couple of bolts have been tightened.

Daily Mail points and laughs

We're not entirely sure if we've read it correctly, but it does seem that todya's Cher and Chastity Bono story in today's Mail consists of nothing other than the observation that "Cher is thin, but her daughter isn't."

They try to dress it up with a quote from an "onlooker":

Cher and Chastity shared a really relaxed meal and both seemed on excellent form. Mother and daughter are clearly very close as they spent most of the hour laughing and chatting away like there was no tomorrow.

Doesn't "like there's no tomorrow" usually mean something along the lines of "relentlessly, as if time to complete against an immovable deadline"? Can you actually have a relaxed lunch like there's no tomorrow?