Gordon in the morning: Echo or Narcissus?

Gordon finds room to bring Leigh Holmwood's piece on the Catherine Tate-Jason Orange romance:

JASON Orange fell for Catherine Tate the moment she made him laugh dressed up as him in a spoof Take That video

It's a lovely story, and I hope they're very happy. But... "you know what? When you dressed up like me, I realised you were everything I was looking for" is a bit disturbing, isn't it? It's only one step away from dry-humping a mirror.

Give me back my Give Me Back My Heart

As our thoughts turn to Valentine's Day, what, you might find yourself wondering, is the 69th best love song ever?

Happily, the New York Daily News can help you out, there. It's Vision of Love, by Mariah Carey.

At least, that's according to their 100 Greatest Love Songs of all time. Not sexiest, they're quick to stress - this isn't about wrapping yourself in naked, getting chained to the wall while your naked arse is spanked to within an inch of steak tartare. Oh, no. This is romantic, slushy, "I've booked a table for two at Red Lobster, and we don't even have to stick to house wine" stuff, compiled using science:

Eligible songs had to have endured at least a decade in the public consciousness, if not two or three. And they had to have been popular enough to have ranked among the top 20 pop songs in whatever year they were released.

So, here's the top ten:

1. "My Girl" The Temptations
2. "I'll Be There" The Jackson 5
3. "Wonderful Tonight" Eric Clapton
4. "I Just Called to Say I Love You" Stevie Wonder
5. "You Are So Beautiful" Joe Cocker
6. "In My Life" The Beatles
7. "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" Roberta Flack
8. "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" Elvis Presley
9. "Michelle" The Beatles
10. "I Can't Stop Loving You" Ray Charles

In My Life the most romantic Beatles song? Cocker's old croaky tune? Wonderful cowing Tonight? Good lord, this isn't even table-for-two-at-Red-Lobster; it's more "I might see you at Taco Bell if I get out the strip joint early."

I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU? Romantic?

Further down the list, there's Take On Me by A-Ha. Which, while a great pop song, hardly constitutes one of the most romantic, does it?