Some things are best kept behind a paywall

Or, perhaps, behind a wall with no way of making it through at all. Ozzy Osbourne is offering medical advice to paying readers of The Sunday Times.

EMI flings away the only thing it has to sell

I'm fully expecting to see a forthcoming episode of The Apprentice where Alan Sugar puts his hapless contestants in charge of running EMI for two days. Surely, surely, that would be the only explanation for the insane decision coming from the crumbling edifice?

EMI is in talks to mortgage its back catalogue of music recordings in a last-ditch attempt to solve its mounting cash crisis.

The group is offering rival labels the chance to manage its North American catalogue business, which includes tracks by The Beatles and Blondie, for a five-year period.

Managing and monetising back catalogue is what your business is, Hands. And that would be your biggest market. What would you have left to 'save' by doing this? It's a bit like McDonalds saying 'tell you what, we'll hand that selling burgers and chips business over to someone else to ensure that we're able to continue the vital work of distributing drinking straws and tiny packets of ketchup around the country'.

Admittedly, the idea that no other company in the world could treat the EMI catalogue business as badly as Terra Firma does must make the idea seem appealing, but since all you're doing is replacing an 'in distress' flag with a 'surrender' flag, what's the point?

Still, at least the Terra Firma guys would take care who they passed the business off to. I mean, at least by flogging off the catalogue, you're keeping it out the hands of your rivals, right?

Talks on a deal began in recent weeks with Universal Music, but have since moved on to include Sony and Warner Music.

Righto. So - in order to save your company - you're planning on handing over one of the few profitable parts to your competitors?

Guy, I know you've proved adept at running the toilets on the German motorway network, but if you'd take the advice of someone who did Economics A-Level, shoveling money from your bank into the accounts of the people you're in competition with might be a bit of a rotten idea? Because when you're all trying to sign the next New Beatles, or new N-Dubz, or whatever, they're going to be able to offer more cash. Because they'll have the money you should have earned.

Bookmarks - Internet stuff: Massive Attack

The Sunday Times has a big interview with Massive Attack today. Oh... yes, did we mention it's by Will Self?

Somewhere back in the early 1990s, when Britain was dull in a different way, I first heard Massive Attack’s Blue Lines. Then in my early thirties, I already thought I was way too old for popular music. I’d sat out 1987’s so-called Summer of Love in a deckchair, and all the dancey-ravey music of that era struck me like someone stupidly wired beating up on a drum machine. The Wigmore Hall beckoned — and I was looking forward to it — when a girlfriend 10 years my junior plopped a vinyl disc onto my turntable and this sinuous, sensual, subversive soundscape sprang into being somewhere between my ears. Or was it in the room? Or even encompassing the whole block of flats?

The music industry and their part in their own downfall

Robert Sandall turns in a wonderful review for the Sunday Times of Appetite for Self-Destruction. This is Steve Knopper's careful tracking of how the music industry has been consistently getting it wrong for nearly three decades:

When the recession of 1979-82 reversed a 20-year boom that had seen record sales steadily quadruple in value, opposition to the introduction of the compact disc was rife. The tech guru at CBS demanded to know “what the hell we can expect to happen here with CDs”. His boss, ­Walter Yetnikoff, a rambunctious mogul of the old school, rejected it as an invitation to make pirated copies of albums on cassette tape, and refused to invest in new manufacturing plants. “I have no idea what they’re talking about,” Yetnikoff told his underlings.

Of course, they did finally catch on to these CD things, belatedly and in a way that screwed both artists and customers. Just in time to get it wrong all over again:

One record company bigwig who met several dotcom pioneers described the encounters as “tiresome”. The head of Liquid Audio, a company that specialised in the transmission of encrypted MP3s, was told in 1999 by a Sony honcho: “My job is to keep you down, we don’t ever want you to succeed.” As CD sales climbed to an all-time peak of 932m in 2000, nothing seriously disturbed the received wisdom in the record business that selling shiny and expensive pieces of plastic was the way forward.

There's some stuff on just how big a botch the closedown of Napster was, too:

Knopper does some impressive maths to show that, had a more equitable deal been struck offering legal downloads via Napster for $1 a track, the record industry could have benefited to the tune of $16 billion a year.

So, when the RIAA is sobbing about the millions it "loses" to unlicensed downloads, it turns out that is nothing to the money it threw away. Oh, and a legal Napster might have also headed off the take-up of bittorrent and perhaps even have stayed the inexorable rise of iTunes. As music industry mistakes go, that makes 'that guy from Decca who turned down the Beatles' look like forgetting to take an umbrella on a day when you're wearing a hat.

Oasis discover true value of their music

Surprising news from NME.com:

A series of free downloads of semi-acoustic songs performed by Oasis' Noel Gallagher and a CD are set to be made available later this month.

Unusual to see someone being called a cross-dresser rather than a TV, but still, it's impressive to see Noel doing something which runs against his boorish image.

Unless, of course, NME actually means that free downloads and a CD are being released, featuring Noel Gallagher.

Which, disappointingly, turns out to be the truth - free downloads via iTunes, and free CD through The Sunday Times. To be fair, there's a large pile of cash going to the Teenage Cancer Trust as part of the deal.

Helping out again

Shaking the sand off our boots as we return home, we discover that Mitch Winehouse has once again decided that the best way to help his daughter is by keeping her name in the papers and dissecting her troubles once again in public. Today, it's The Sunday Times to whom Mitch grants an audience, offering a perspective on how far Blake's influence runs on his daughter:

“He didn’t coerce her to take drugs in any way. I wish he had. Because if he had she would most likely have said, ‘I don’t wanna do it.’” That said, Mitch does concede that his daughter’s recent compulsion to self-harm “is more to do with Blake. He explained to me that when they’re going into withdrawal, if they cut themselves, it takes away the pain”.

And constantly reading your father's latest weighing-up of your medical condition in the newspapers - what does that do, exactly? Mitch clearly thinks it's helping - or perhaps has run out of ways to help, and so is now just trying anything - but it's not. Does this sort of thing:

“Whatever happens, we won’t be where we are now in two years’ time,” Mitch observes, grimly.

... really help anyone with their recovery? Withdrawing cooperation from the papers wouldn't stop them running the pieces totally, but without more "Father gives it two years" style headlines, they might start to dry up a little.

Hard times in the Mull of Kintyre: Rich List 2008

This Sunday, The Sunday Times is publishing the latest edition of its rich list - it's even going multimedia this year, what with Duncan "I have one of those in my living room" Banatyne having chugged an hours' worth of ITV airtime over it yesterday evening. As usual, they've crunched the numbers through some magic spreadsheets and boiled down some specialist lists about which musicians have got the most cash.

The good news for Paul McCartney is that - having shared some of his fortune with that woman whose name escapes us for the moment - he's managed to hold on to the number three slot (behind Lloyd-Webber and Clive Calder of Zomba - so, top, if by "musician" you mean "person who makes living by playing music"). The paper seems to have taken his claim that he didn't have as much money as Heather might have thought at face value, and marked him down from £725 to £500 million. That's a drop in value equivalent to David and Victoria Beckham's entire fortune. Or the annual income for about six and half thousand people at the top end of the now-defunct 10p tax band.

At long last, the purchase of EMI has brought some glory to Guy Hands, as he's the highest new entry on the music list: he's worth £250m, when you factor in Julia Hands' money as well.

As you head down the list, some strange anomalies manifest - not least musicians who are loaded this year and who didn't register last year. Like Engelbert Humperdink, at 36 this year with £79million he apparently didn't have in 2007.

Cliff Richard, who you'll remember was pleading that we think about poor musicians with nothing but a piece of sheet music between them and the workhouse, turns out to have £50million quid to call on. Admittedly, that's about what the PRS levies in six weeks, but we still figure he could do a lot of good for the musicians he cares so much about without even having to reduce the thread count in his own bedding.

Over on the "young musician" list, Dhani Harrison is at the top of the tree - which means, we suppose, if the drummer from Does It Offend You, Yeah, wins a Euromillions treble rollover he could find himself there next year. Vanessa Mae is the 'richest young musician who's done something to earn her money', with £32m. Surprisingly, Craig David is still worth ten million - which must help when people point and laugh at him. Karen Elson is at number six, on the basis that if you fold her money in with Jack White, and his career in with hers, she's a really rich musician. In the same way that if you take me and add my money to Rupert Murdoch's, I suddenly become a multi-billionaire sinophile.

Oddly, James Blunt - who last year appeared on the "young list" with £18m - has vanished; presumably because he's too old for the list this time round. Although as he's 34, wouldn't he have been too old for it last year?

The other thing we can't work out is why members of Coldplay are listed seperately while Liam and Noel are hoiked together like a single entity.

[Last year: 2007 Rich List]

Kinks for Sunday afternoon

The Sunday after next, Ray Davies is going to follow in the steps of Prince by giving out free copies of his new album with a Sunday paper. This time, it's The Sunday Times, and Ray is excited:

"Personally, it's about reaching as many people as possible. I'm incredibly proud of this LP and am truly excited that 1.5 million copies will be distributed to people who'll hear it organically - the way it was intended."

Well, up to a point: 1.5 million copies will be distributed, to people, some of whom might actually even remove it from the sleeve.

We're not entirely sure how one listens to a record "organically" - with a potato strapped to each ear, perhaps?

Fergie "didn't sell out totally"

Women's Wear Daily is reporting that Fergie is threatening legal action against the Sunday Times over the story that she was taking cash from fashion chain Candies in return for singing about them:

"It's completely false," she told WWD on Monday, adding that she is taking legal action against the paper. "I don't know where they got it from. I sing about a lot of things in my songs — from cars to Taco Bell — but not because I'm paid to!"

She is, however, taking money to endorse the brand in other ways, as the chain's parent company makes clear in its denial:

A spokeswoman for Iconix Brand Group also denied that Fergie was being paid to plug the brand in her music. "Contrary to recent reports, Candie's does not have an arrangement with Fergie whereby she will incorporate the Candie's brand into her lyrics. Currently, Fergie acts as the junior brand's spokesperson and appears in its multimedia marketing campaigns including print, national television, Internet and promotions."

It's understandable that Fergie would want to defend herself against the suggestion that her creative process is being influenced by a corporate buy-in.

Mind you, the original press release announcing her tie-up with the company shows that the line between her musical career, and her business as a corporate shill, is more than a little blurred nevertheless:

Iconix Brand Group, Inc. (NASDAQ: ICON) recently announced its exclusive partnership with 3x Grammy award-winning artist, Fergie for its Candie's(R) brand fall '07 television, print and online advertising campaign. The junior brand, available exclusively at Kohl's Department Stores, styled her current music video "Big Girl Don't Cry," which features Candie's apparel, footwear, jewelry, sleepwear, hats and bedding. The Candie's television commercial is a direct cut from the "Big Girls Don't Cry" music video and the print campaign will feature candid shots taken on set during the shoot. This is the first time a junior fashion brand has extracted their campaign from a music video. "Big Girls Don't Cry" is in the top five on Billboard's Hot 100 chart and among the top 10 most played videos on MTV and VH-1.

Commenting on the partnership, Fergie stated, "Candie's is giving me creative input and they are allowing me to bring my touch to the campaign and I love that! The clothes are so wonderful and we are tying it all together, the commercial, the print ads and my video and I am really excited about it."

This is interesting - the idea that, simultaneously, the adverts are a "direct cut" from the video and that Candies allowed Fergie an input into the campaign. In other words, she was allowed a say in an advert that was part of her video.

Dari Marder, Chief Marketing Officer, Iconix Brand Group, Inc. said, "This is a wonderful opportunity for Candie's to be able to lift our brand creative straight out of Fergie's hit video, "Big Girls Don't Cry." It further validates the Candie's brand as part of pop culture."

Julie Gardner, Kohl's Executive Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer, said, "The new Candie's advertising campaign marks a first for a junior fashion brand. The campaign is innovative and authentic and leverages the music video, which makes the brand more relevant to our junior shoppers."

Candie's recently announced its exclusive fashion sponsorship with Fergie on her first solo tour. Fergie's Verizon VIP Tour has a 20-city schedule and tickets are exclusive to Candie's and Verizon Wireless through give-a-ways and Kohl's in-store events in select markets, as no tickets will be sold for this tour. The tour has received amazing reviews from critics and fans. At each concert there is a live Candie's fashion show.

So, part of her gigs is an advertorial for the chain's fashion as well - presumably, that support act would be there even if it hadn't been paid for.

We can understand that Fergie might not want people to think her artistic decisions are being directed by a sponsor. At least, not unsubtly.

Macca "might need second job soon"

The Sunday Times has done one of its regular rich lists where - through a mixture of inspired guesswork and watching what various people buy a Waitrose - they calculate what the great, the good, and the famous are worth. This time round, the focus of the pre-publicity is on the music millionaires.

The richest person in the UK music industry turns out, slightly disappointingly, to be Clive Calder (£1.3bn), although since he flogged Zomba five years ago and lives, for tax purposes, in the Cayman Islands, we're not sure he quite counts on either UK or music industry scores.

Which makes the richest person in music Andrew Lloyd Webber (£750m) - who has benefited both from the bounce of The Sound of Music and from a marking down of Paul McCartney (£725m). Macca has dropped to third place, but they seem to have already subtracted the cost of divorcing the Second Mrs McCartney.

The Rolling Stones, if you add all their wealth together, are worth £570m - getting dangerously close to being overhauled by U2, worth £480m in total.

What's really sweet is the paper adds together Madonna and Guy Ritchie's wealth - although presumably they rounded Guy's up to a full pound.

The top ten in full, then:

1 Clive Calder £1.3bn
2 Andrew Lloyd Webber £750m
3 Sir Paul McCartney £725m
4= Simon Fuller £450m
4= Sir Cameron Mackintosh £450m
6 Madonna & Guy Ritchie £275m
7 Sir Elton John £225m
8 Sir Mick Jagger £215m
9 Robert Stigwood £212m
10=Sir Tom Jones £190m
10=Keith Richards £190m
12 Sting £185m
13 Jamie Palumbo £165m
14= Roger Ames £160m
14= Olivia and Dhani Harrison £160m
16 Sir Tim Rice £155m
17= Eric Clapton £140m
17= Ringo Starr £140m
19 Phil Collins £135m
20= David Bowie £120m
20= Barry and Robin Gibb £120m

There's a separate list of "young" rich musicians, although the definition of young seems to be a little stretchy:

1 Vanessa-Mae Nicholson £32m
2= Guy Berryman £30m
2= Jonny Buckland £30m
2=Will Champion £30m
2= Chris Martin £30m
6 James Blunt £18m
7= Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson £10m
7= Joss Stone £10m
9= Craig David £9m
9= Will Young £9m

Vanessa Mae is thirty next year, which hardly makes her young in our book - if we were organising this list, we'd use the criteria of "would they look avoid looking silly if they wore trainers with wheels in?" - but the real surprise is Craig David being worth so much - we can only conclude he's had a couple of lucky scratchcards.