Usher has high hopes

Usher is going to play Sugar Ray Robinson in a forthcoming film. He's already trying to attract the attention of the the Academy:

''I've seen Oscar winners come out of left field. I'm just saying Jennifer Hudson..." said the 33-year-old.

Yes, Usher hopes to win an Oscar. And why shouldn't he? I dream of this post winning a Pulitzer. I think the difference is one of us knows that it isn't going to happen.

It's not even a film about Robinson - Hands Of Stone is actually about Roberto Duran.

Or, if you listen to Usher, it's a film about Usher:

"I'm going into it offering my interpretation and my hard work and my dedication to be the best Sugar Ray ever."

I know what you're thinking: surely Sugar Ray Robinson is the best Sugar Ray Robinson ever, right?

Usher, though, would seem to be be saying "we'll see about that":

"I've spoken to him, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to live up to him but I'll try to be better than him."

Yes, you might have spotted some humility creep in halfway through that quote, but thank God Usher was able to stop that worrying trend and get back to deciding that he's actually going to be better at being someone than the actual person ever was.

But, you know, in a manly way

Yes, it really did look like Liam was nibbling Ricky Hatton's ear as the Gallagher brothers continued their mission to turn into the Mitchell brothers.

But, obviously, in a manly way. It doesn't mean anything, Gordon.

There are some bad people on the right

David Cameron has loomed into view at the Salford Lad's Club, to remind people how much he likes Morrissey. It's unclear if we should read this as an endorsement of Mozzer's views on the need to protect a fictional English way of life.

Hazel Blears issued a bizarre statement:

Ms Blears, who is also communities secretary, said: "People in Salford remember when the Tories were in power... I'm surprised he wants to visit a shrine so reminiscent of the 1980s - the dog days of Thatcherism."

We're not quite sure what Blears means by this - is Salford a shrine to Thatcherism? Is the Salford Lads Club "reminiscent of the 1980s"?

Cameron then went on to Amir Khan's gym in Bolton:

Some people might argue that teaching boxing doesn't make young people less violent, and that boxing is dangerous. They're wrong on both counts."

Apart, you know, from the dangerous bit. People who support the idea of boxing as a sport point out the death rate amongst participants in boxing is far lower than that of hang-gliders, footballers and jockeys pursuing their sports, but it's possible to ne seriously injured without being killed. And, as most medical investigations into boxing reports back, being punched in the head a lot isn't entirely good for the brain.

Still, Cameron is keen for people to be more like Khan:

"Better in a boxing ring, than hanging around on the streets. Better looking up to Amir than some drug dealer on the street."

Given that Amir Khan was sentenced earlier in the week for driving at speeds police claimed were nudging 140 miles an hour, you might wonder if he's such a great role model.

In related news, Morrissey has announced his latest best-of tracklisting; the live album version includes National Front Disco - which looks a little defiant. We wounder if Callmedave is plotting a photo op down there, too?

[Thanks to Oliver K for the tip]

Robbie Williams is not going to have the shellfish there again

Does anyone here remember Robbie Williams? That's right, the straight guy. He's having a rough time of it at the moment, according to 3AM:

Robbie woes began when the 33-year-old cracked his rib during a rough boxing match - leaving him "beyond depressed".
[...]
Then, to add insult to injury, a prawn dish had him hobbling to the lavatory all day and night.

Oddly, 3AM don't seem at all surprised that Williams might have been stripped down to his shorts with another bloke, hammering around each other's bones. Robbie Williams boxing? We'd pay money to see that. Especially as he doesn't sound that good at it. Presumably too busy protecting the face.

We're sure you'll want to know more about his prawn mishap:

"I had a prawn incident. I had stuff coming out of my mouth and everywhere else in my body."

Unpleasant. We know how horrible the stuff Williams wants to come out his mouth is, so we're not even going to picture the scene.

3AM tell us that Robbie's especially upset about the injury, as he's been really getting off on that football team he runs:

Since then he has thrown himself into organising games for his football team, complete with bonding sessions in the jacuzzi.

Ah, well, he can still have the bonding in the bath with the other guys, eh? There's always consolations to be had.

Spandau Bullets

Does anyone want to hear about Spandau Ballet? About how the British Boxing Board of Control has stopped the forthcoming bout between Tony Hadley and John Piennar, on the grounds that someone could get hurt (this, of course, is the same BBBC which is quite happy, indeed encourages, schools to hold boxing matches between little boys whose heads are all still soft.

But Tony will get a high profile scrap anyway, as the Kemp Brothers are taking him and Keeble and Norman back to court for another row over the name - they're objecting to Keeble, Norman and Hadley having used "ex-Spandau Ballet" in their billing for the Here & Now tour last year - jesus, let it go, you bitter old men. What is it - did Martin Kemp nearly lose the ability to humiliate himself in that bank advert because Tony Hadley mentioned "I was in that Spandau Ballet" to a bunch of Belle Star fans?

And Gary, of course, is related to the current Second-drawer Star Gossip of the Day, having fathered one of Sadie Frost's kids before she stopped shaving for Jude Law.

Why are Spandau Ballet suddenly everywhere - could someone check the Book of Revelation to see if they're mentioned?

I want to see you boxing, naked, to the death

Having taken a hell of a kicking from the other members of Spandau Ballet in the courtroom, Tony Hadley is now so desperate to wank for coins ("now facing up to a physical challenge") that he's going to box, um, John Piennar, BBC Political correspondent and keeper of the oddest moustache this side of Midge Ure for one of those BBC "celebrity" boxing matches.

Also from our "wanking for coins" file this morning, "Fuck" Cilla Black clearly wasn't whistling in the dark when she said "Don't worry about me, chuck, I've got loads of irons in the fire" when she announced her decision to leave ("made her face-saving, painstakingly debated statement") on Blind Date.

She's already, um, lined up to totter round GAY to promote her new album. From prime time TV to the spiritual home of "your fifteen minutes is up" in one easy leap. Who's that whispering "step inside, love?" - could it be dame dumper?