Fallen Idol

It's perhaps more surprising that Fox was still making American Idol than that they're cancelling the series.

It's going to limp to the end of its 15th season, and then vanish for good.

Dana Walden, co-chairman and CEO of the Fox Television Group, described it as a "pretty emotional decision" to end "American Idol."

"A pretty emotional decision" here means that, with audiences starting to drop below nine million, people were starting to feel the well-known emotion of 'look at that old warhorse cluttering up the schedules bringing down ratings lets stop paying the people on it the millions we're shelling out and make something cheaper that viewers might like more'.

The series hasn't really had a massive star-making role since, arguably, Jordin Sparks back in 2007.

Gordon in the morning: No flipping

A dispatch from Kasabian's US tour bus? With Gordon Smart's very own byline on it?

Surely this must be a deeply serious story. Brace yourselves, Britain:

WHAT is the most vital thing on Kasabian’s tour bus? The band’s instruments? Their supply of Pot Noodle snacks?

Neither. Frontman Tom Meighan explains: “The televison remote control is the most important thing. If that gets lost, everyone s**** it.

“I just watched Fargo this morning – bit of an intense film for that time of day.

“We’ve got satellite TV on the bus so we can watch footie on Fox Soccer.”

On Fox Soccer? I'm sure Meighan actually named the channel, as - since we know - Rupert Murdoch's newspapers do not push his other business interests. He said that on oath yesterday, and Rupert Murdoch would never tell a lie.

Obviously, Gordon wouldn't have snuck a little reference to one of News Corp's other businesses onto the page the very day after Murdoch had said that, because how would that help?

But: seriously - lost remote controls and 'what I watched on television'? I think Meighan would probably have judged that a little dull for his own Twitter stream, never mind a national sort-of-newspaper.

Copyright takedown threat removes records of copyright takedown threats

Fox has forced ChillingEffects to takedown a copy of a takedown notice they sent to Google, which in turn ordered a takedown of feature-length Smurf movie Avatar. We know this, because ChillingEffects has put up the takedown notice.

Perhaps Fox is afraid its planned book collecting its takedown notices will have sales harmed if they're online. Maybe Murdoch is taking them behind a paywall.

Gordon in the morning: Dreams burn down

Gordon breaks horrifying news this morning:

CHERYL COLE might have to unpack the suntan lotion - her American dream is in crisis.

It turns out the people looking after the US version of The X Factor are worried that Cheryl might not be right for the judge's role and are looking for... checks paperwork ah, yes... looking for someone Americans might have heard of.

On the other hand, this story is sourced to, erm...

A pal of her boyfriend DEREK HOUGH

Now, that might sound like a weak patio on which to place your news barbecue, but that would be to misunderstand American television. No US executive would make a move without running it past one or other of the friends of someone who's been on Dancing With The Stars. "Is Matthew Perry right for this role? Can you get me Bristol Palin's High School BFF on the phone so I can check?"

Gordon explains the problem:

But the bottom line is simple - the producers still need convincing. Simon wields a lot of power but he has to play a diplomatic game on US soil to keep Fox, who are making the show, sweet.

God, can you imagine that, Gordon - fancy having to shape your every move just to keep a bunch of suits appointed by the Murdoch family happy, eh?

First Night: The Osbournes Reloaded

Before the programme aired, the misgivings about Sharon's latest vehicle for making cash from her brood had sat mostly within the Fox Broadcasting family - affiliates dropping the programme, the network slicing airtime and junking the idea of a series in favour of an unspecified number of one-off "specials".

But now the programme has aired, the question is: What did America think?

For Variety, it was "a disjointed mess":

Ostensibly a variety show shot in front of a boisterous studio audience, the program featured a mix of live and taped elements -- the first problem being that among the show's central family, only Jack Osbourne appears to have any natural aptitude for the hosting part of the gig.

The premiere's centerpiece, oddly, hinged on a staged (and most likely not legal) wedding, in which an audience member was bushwhacked by a "Get married now or else" ultimatum from his girlfriend. Although it was rather uncomfortable to watch, at least that drawn-out interlude offered a respite from watching Ozzy, Sharon and Kelly curse, with little faces appearing over their mouths to prevent even lip readers from being offended.

The Hartford Courant's Roger Catlin didn't enjoy himself:

That they'd be the cutting edge for Fox made them seem a little dated as well. The network must have realized what a dud it had on its hand. Not only did Tuesday's show not start a season - it was a one-shot teaser for an unannounced future season - it was cut from 60 minutes, to 40 to 35.

And from the cutting, we may have been spared the sight of Kelly singing - or even Ozzy doing a number. As it was, we were left with some unpalatable filmed bits - of a cussing kid version of "The Osbournes" annoying people in a theater, to Ozzy and Kelly spending a day at a fast food drive through - a ploy David Letterman did much more wittily years ago - that ended up with them throwing food at the cars in line.

Yeah, but what does the Courant know about entertainment anyway, right? Let's try Entertainment Weekly. Surely Ken Tucker was entertained, right?

It seems a lifetime since, in 2002, the Osbournes came across as refreshingly nutty on their MTV reality show. On The Osbournes: Reloaded, Ozzy, Sharon, Kelly, and Jack were just pathetic. No wonder Fox kept chopping this proposed hour-long "variety show" into an ever-smaller size before airing it. The network is supposed to air five more Reloadeds. Don't hold your breath. Or maybe, do hold your breath: The stink of this show will last a long time.

So, then: Not entirely a warm welcome, but still more popular than Sharon's ITV teatime show.

Osbournes unloaded

Everyone's a critic. Unfortunately for The Osbournes, amongst 'everyone' is numbered the head of the Fox affiliate in Panama City, Florida, who has decided that The Osbournes Reloaded isn't fit for showing as family entertainment and has kicked it from the schedules.

Still, at least in Panama City Sharon can take comfort in being shifted for a rerun of The Simpsons. In Milwaukee, the local Fox station is dumping them for a documentary about drugs.

Mind you, if you want to warn kids about the dangers of taking too many drugs, surely putting Ozzy on screen is the best thing you can do?

Can someone give Kelly Osbourne Hans Moretti's phone number?

For reasons we can't quite fathom - and we've tried, believe me - Fox is preparing a variety show hosted by The Osbournes.

Yes, the whole gang is on board:

Mr. Osbourne, wife Sharon and offspring Jack and Kelly all will participate in the show, which will resemble modern-day European variety shows that mix elements of competition, stunts and performances. One person familiar with the pitch compared it to a combination of the popular Spanish-language series "Sabado Gigante," "Saturday Night Takeaway" and the German game-show format "Wetten, dass?" (Wanna Bet?).

[Fox's Mike] Darnell said he had been trying to find a way to revive the variety format for several years. He even developed a U.S. version of "Saturday Night Takeaway."

"But I always veered away from it because it was missing something, which turned out to be the right front people," he said. "I realized that with the right hosts, you can make it work."

We're guessing that Darnell somehow missed Sharon's chat shows on both sides of the Atlantic and what happened when Team Osbourne attempted to present the Brits; either that, or his faith in Ozzy being the sort of "right host" that can "make it work" is so touching as to veer into the downright religious.

It all smacks a little of that segment on the Simpsons' pilot show where the family turn up in dungarees doing a song-and-dance show, with a replacement Lisa. Or a cruel parody of Hear'Say It's Saturday.