Gordon in the morning: Quick quiz

Here's a teaser item from the front page of Bizarre this morning. Read the words, and then answer the question: what part has Nicole Scherzinger landed?

Yes, that's right: Nicole Scherzinger is going to play Mary Magdalene out of the bible. In the remake of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Admittedly, the musical does swallow the Gregory The Great line on Mary having been a prostitute, but that was a claim made nearly 600 years after her death and 'getting the part of Mary Magdalene' is hardly the same thing as 'playing a hooker', surely?

Gordon in the morning: Becks defender

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross are getting back together to generate some cheap publicity for Absolute Radio:

RUSSELL BRAND and JONATHAN ROSS will be together on the radio next month for the first time since Sachsgate.

Except, it turns out, they won't be on radio at all:

The pair will record a podcast live from Hackney, east London, for Absolute Radio.

What's the "live" doing there? Is it recorded, or is it live?

Elsewhere, Gordon's former number two and a journalist come together to rubbish the claims of the Beckham 'hooker':

Tosh N Becks By RICHARD WHITE and PETE SAMSON, US Editor

There is an obvious weakness in the InTouch story: if the woman who claims to have had an on-the-meter threesome with Beckham really is a high-earning sex worker with royalty, celebrities and sportspeople amongst her regulars, why would she ruin her business for a single cheque from a US magazine?

But News International isn't going to point out that the sort of top-level prostitute who often appears in their stories is the least likely person to be spilling beans. Indeed, it suggests that maybe this is a cash cow for her:

Last night Irma was trying to cash in on her allegations. She hired an agent and set up the website irmanici.com to charge 60p for each picture downloaded by users.

There's nothing more shabby than salacious content behind a paywall, eh, Mr Murdoch?

Of course, what's really here is a chance to throw rocks at another publisher:

Irma's story was splashed across America's In Touch Weekly lifestyle magazine, published by German media group Bauer, which operates in 15 countries including Britain.

Two journalists and - presumably - a sub looked at that sentence and decided it needed no further work.

To a casual observer, there might be a question 'if the story is so horrific and wrong, why bother repeating it?' But, hey, there's a news angle as... erm... it might all be some sort of conspiracy:

One theory about the allegations is that they may be an attempt to undermine England's bid to stage the 2018 World Cup. Becks is one of our leading ambassadors.

Even if that was likely - and, frankly, is isn't - given that the World Cup is one of the biggest drivers of new business to prostitutes, that shouldn't be a problem, should it?

Everyone remembers D'Angelo exists. Unfortunately for D'Angelo.

It's been ten years since D'Angelo bothered the world with anything as useful as a new record, but he's been keeping himself busy.

Unfortunately, by - allegedly - propositioning undercover cops. He offered one of them $40 for a blow job; to make matters worse, he had something over ten thousand dollars in his SUV. So he's not only seedy, but he's also mean.

The New York Post reports that he's been charged with solicitation.

Peaches Geldof wins libel case

The BBC is reporting victory for Peaches Geldof in a libel case against the Daily Star:

Peaches Geldof, daughter of Bob Geldof, has accepted substantial, undisclosed libel damages over a newspaper claim that she had worked as a prostitute.

The claims by the paper were a terrible slur on Peaches' image. Imagine implying she's ever worked.

Seriously, though, there is more to this story than just the headline - whatever you think of Peaches (or sex workers, come to that), to make that sort of claim about a person without any proof is an awful way for any newspaper, even The Star, to behave. A retraction and apology - at the very least - were required; and with more prominence than the paper managed.

They'd splashed the made-up story on page one; they tucked the correction away inside on page two.

What's really interesting, though, is that a complaint from Geldof's people to the Press Complaints Commission about the handling of the correction decided there was no problem with this behaviour. Understandably, Geldof's team didn't accept this - hence the legal action today.

This isn't, then, so much a story about a nasty paper making an ugly allegation, as a further indication that the Press Complaints Commission is broken beyond repair. When the PCC is being dismantled and its remit handed to Ofcom, Peaches Geldof will have played her part in helping to make that happen. And the papers will only have themselves to blame.

Heather Mills learns to love again

The first cut is the deepest, although rubbing twenty-four million quid into the wound can help, we understand. But now, Heather Mills is supposedly back on the dating scene - at least according to the News of the World:

HEATHER Mills has a hunky new toyboy, the News of the World can reveal.

Given that previously her relationship was with Paul McCartney - a man of parts, certainly, but never a "hunky toyboy" - we're not sure the "new" in that sentence is required.

The "hunky toyboy" is some holiday rep from a hotel she stayed in - the paper doesn't seem think there's anything unusual about Mills, a woman it's portrayed as having a chronically expensive lifestyle, staying in a hotel where they have holiday reps working. He's called Jamie Walker - and at 36, is only five years younger than Mills which hardly qualifies him as toyboy.

Walker has been briefed, clearly, for when the story breaks:

"I'm under strict instructions not to talk to you about this.

Badly briefed, as it turns out - isn't going "I've been told to say nothing about this" confirming that there's a this not to talk about?

And, as if to ram the point home, Jamie then coughs:

"But I guess you already know it all then. Just be nice about me."

Yes. Asking the News of the World to be nice about you. That'll work.

The paper rustles up a friend to spill some beans about their courtship:

"He name-dropped that he had bumped into her showbiz neighbours like Fatboy Slim and Nick Berry."

Who wouldn't be impressed by someone saying they'd seen Nick Berry in the street? That would certainly prove to someone who fucked and fucked over a Beatle that you're from the same stellar background.

Being a Murdoch paper, it has to mention the dark past of Miss Mills, and the words are put into the same friend's mouth:

"Jamie said Heather told him all about her past life working in the glamour industry and as a prostitute," added the friend. "He says it doesn't bother him."

How modest of the NOTW to pretend that Jamie would need to be told about Heather's history rather than just assuming that he'd have read about it in the papers. Having said which, the "prostitute" claim is surprising, given that Mills has denied she was any such thing. The paper will have to hope that she is so busy with her toyboy of the same age to spot they've renewed that particular claim.

Sting's brothel visit prompts untold hilarity

You'd have thought that a photo of Sting outside "Hamburg's top brothel" would have been one of those stories which was complete in itself - a nice balance of innuendo and eyebrows raised.

Instead Victoria Newton uses it as a launching point for what reads like a verbatim transcript of an improv night in a third-string University's student bar after closing time:

Of course we haven’t a clue what the star was De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da-ing in the area.

But if any of the brothel’s 40 naked models HAD caught sight of him, we’re sure he’d tell them Don’t Stand So Close To Me.

After all, Bed’s Too Big without wife TRUDIE STYLER. And Every Little Thing She Does IS Magic.

So this snap’s just bad luck on old Sting. Poor fella must wish he was Invisible, Sun.

A newspaper printed this.