Pete Waterman: If you have tears, pretend to shed them now

As the PRS campaign against Google swings into what I suspect they're considering is "action", more of the songwriter's cash has been burned through on holding a press conference to launch FairPlayForCreators.com. And, just to help stress the idea that this isn't about making rich men even richer, they invited Pete Waterman to be the star turn.

Yes, there'd be nothing crocodile-like in tears shed listening to forty-times-over-millionaire Pete Waterman complaining that he only got a few quid from YouTube. You would have thought that if PRS really felt the need to spend cash on an event to promote its pretend-debate site, they might have been better off finding someone to whom a quadrupling, or even dodecarupling, of the YouTube money would make a blind bit of difference to. But they won't find anyone, because they know that there's so little money in individual plays on YouTube it won't help anyone over the poverty line. It's a bit of extra; it's money for jam; it's pin money.

So, instead, PRS invite us to think sad thoughts of a multi-multi-millionaire not making much extra:

"There was I sitting at Christmas thinking, 'I must have made a few bob this year with the old Rickrolling'," he said.

"I rang my publisher and they said 'You'll be all right', until I saw the royalty statement. £11.

"If 154 million plays means £11, I get more from Radio Stoke playing Never Gonna Give You Up than I do from YouTube."

Yes, you're right, Pete - smaller radio stations probably are being strangled by having to play large royalty fees for records. Someone should look into that.

Oh, that wasn't your point, was it?

Firstly, Pete, again you don't mention all the extra royalties that you earned as a result of media coverage of Rickrolling, Astley being invited to turn up and play at places like the Macy's parade, and so on. Earnings that, without YouTube, you would never have seen. Which is at best intellectually dishonest of you.

Secondly: 154 million plays. Where did you get this figure from? The most watched versions of the video seem to be hovering around 15 million plays each - is 154 million a guess?

Third: Even if we take 154 million plays as a fact, doesn't PRS only collect for artists having their work consumed in the UK? Which is why the (limited) removal of music videos as a result of the PRS battle are in the UK, not of UK artists worldwide. So a large proportion of those 154 million views would have been elsewhere in the world, and not subject to PRS royalty collection. It's like having the most-played record on US radio and complaining you've not got any PRS money as a result, isn't it?

Fourth: You're sharing the money with Stock and Waterman, too. You didn't mention that.

Fifth: Yes, it's not very much. But that's because it's not worth very much. And, let's not forgot, that payment was under a deal agreed by the PRS. Shouldn't your wrath be directed at the organisation who - it appears - failed to represent your best interests last time round, rather than suggesting that everyone puts their faith in them again?

Still, no harm done, eh? It's not like you essayed an absurd and offensive position in your defence of demanding more, is it?

"Panorama did a documentary on the exploitation of foreign workers in Dubai," he said.

"I feel like one of those workers, because I earned less for a year's work off Google or YouTube than they did off the Bahrain government."

Waterman failed to explain how everyone else linking to, uploading, playing and enjoying a song he wrote twenty years ago is "work" in the sense that labouring for a pittance in the hot desert sun is, but I'm sure the PRS will be posting an explanation online sometime soon.

MTV Europe Music Awards: An apology

I might have given the impression during a post on No Rock And Roll Fun last Thursday that I somehow doubted the word of the spokesperson for the MTV Europe awards when he applauded the success of Rick Astley in the best act ever category.

"Rick's fans have obviously decided that he deserves recognition as a pop icon and no doubt they are determined to make sure he wins on the night," said the award show's producer Richard Godfrey.

I should like to apologise for the suggestion that, perhaps, MTV was having its leg pulled and trying to put a brave face on matters.

Indeed, the discovery of the automated voting program online and the amusing confession by the Los Angeles Times that they voted 961 times for Rick makes it clear that, in fact, Godfrey was right and it's nothing more than genuine Rick Astley fans building machines to ensure that he wins his deserved recognition. In no way has a badly-thought-out voting system left MTV with a choice of either clambering down with egg on its face and barring Rick's votes, or waiting until the evening of the vote and presenting the prize to Astley.

MTV Rickrolled

The MTV Europe Awards are having their leg pulled, as Rick Astley finds himself doing quite nicely in the Best Act Ever category online vote.

How do MTV react? Do they chuckle, admit they've been had and their faith in the wisdom of crowds has been tickled, and move on?

Oh, no. MTV are, with a straight face, attempting to paint this as a genuine result in a scientifically-rigorous poll:

"Rick's fans have obviously decided that he deserves recognition as a pop icon and no doubt they are determined to make sure he wins on the night," said the award show's producer Richard Godfrey.

Yes. That'd be it. Rick's fans, who have - for some reason - kept quiet for all these years are suddenly deciding that he deserves the recognition of an MTV Award. It's in no way connected to Rickrolling, where the unsuspecting are duped into a surprise appearance of Rick Astley online. That that should have been happening this year is just a coincidence.

Nobody believes you, Richard Godfrey. And even you don't believe you, really, do you? If you really thought that the MTV Europe awards audience had a hitherto unprofessed love of Rick Astley, you wouldn't be flying Beyonce in to do the opening number; you'd be asking around on Edge Lane if anyone had phone numbers for the Reynolds Girls. Even Rick Astley knows it's a joke, dammit:

I don't think I'll be buying a train ticket to Liverpool. I think it's a wind-up to be honest.

I never took it too seriously while I was doing it and it's a long time ago now so I don't take this seriously either.

Hey, Astley: you better - those legions of fans are counting on you.

How dim do the Daily Mail believe their readers are?

Getting excited by "the latest internet craze" for expressing lyrics as graphics, the Mail sets its readers a challenge:

So can you name the song and singer for each of these? Click on the image for a clue.

This is the general standard of difficulty - basically, it's reading the name of the song from a picture. And, yes, they really do provide a clue for people finding it difficult.

Although the clue is an uncaptioned picture of Rod Stewart - so, a great help to people who are unable to read "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" off a screen but are able to recognise Rod Stewart.

But then perhaps the Mail has good reason to think that its readers couldn't spot the obvious in front of their noses. On the same page, there's a link to Jon Snow's amusing 'Jonrolling' take on RickRolling from Channel 4 news:

Never gonna live this down: Jon Snow and his cringeworthy Internet homage to Rick Astley
The newsreader gives an hilarious rendition of 80s hit Never Gonna Give You Up

So, is it cringeworthy or hilarious? It can't be both, can it?

This is why they want to keep children from computers

We suppose, at least, the current fascination with the 'Rickroll' (whereby one links something random to Never Gonna Give You Up on YouTube) isn't being driven by a marketing company trying to flog deodorant or training shoes.

What is rickrolling?

As far as we can tell. It's a bit like a slightly less infernal version of that 2inches.com stunt you used to see all the time on Popbitch, back when you used to read Popbitch all the time. A link promising one thing, but delivering something else.

Rick himself is being good natured about this blast of kind of fame:

“I think it’s just one of those odd things where something gets picked up and people run with it,” Astley said. “But that’s what brilliant about the Internet.”

Rickrolling is being co-opted into direct action, too, reports the New York Times:

Former Scientologists protesting against the church, for example, have been playing and singing the song this year outside Scientology offices in London, Washington, Seattle and other cities.

Although singing 'Never gonna give you up' outside a cult office is surely the wrong message, isn't it?

It will all help ticket sales for this summer's Here And Now tour, where he shares billing with Bananarama, ABC, Paul Young, Curiosity Killed The Cat, Johnny Hates Jazz and the Cutting Crew. (Since H&N promises 'only the hits', surely those last two won't be on stage very long?) It'll help with sales, that is, providing that someone links to the actual ticketshop and doesn't just rickroll the curious.