Alex Kapranos: Wish I was Sid

Ah, the follies of youth - apparently Alex Kapranos was so desperate to emulate Sid Vicious, he was hoping he was going to die an early death:

"I wanted to be like Buddy Holly or Sid Vicious or Rupert Brooke and have achieved everything I was going to do and done it all by the time I was 21 and then die glamorously. Unfortunately, it didn't happen like that."

... so, instead, I did the next best thing and stabbed someone to death and spent time lying about in a pool of my own shit and misery.

John Lydon burns the last of his bridges, fills river with petrol, sets it aflame

There are many who find it hard to believe that John Lydon could have been involved in a racist scuffle the other week, and who will be looking to their hero to prove that he's not the sort of tiresome old twit who attempts to defend unpleasant reactionary attitudes by pretending he's just so refreshingly anti-PC.

He's had his chance, in an interview with the Daily Record.

He starts off having a go at Pete Doherty for being a "coward":

"Doherty's got trapped in a publicity campaign that has run out of order.

"Another fool who is given a golden opportunity to do something wonderful in his life and he'd rather be selfish and cowardly. Drugs are the modus operandi of the coward.

"Pete is a fine lad that needs to sort himself out. This is Mister Rotten telling you I waltz on stage sober because no drug in the world is as good as being absolutely 100 percent honest with your audience. Nothing compares to that emotion. People like him and Amy Winehouse are getting it wrong as usual."

Given that the Sex Pistols' fame is built, to a large degree, on Sid Vicious and his heroin habit, while Lydon might have a point, you could perhaps fill a couple of sides of an ethics class exam asking if it's more cowardly to be addicted to drugs, or to allow your band to carry on exploiting someone addicted to drugs until they die.

Still, a bit of low-grade hypocrisy is only to be expected. Lydon seems to blame Sid's death all on the record company and the stress they put the band through - although didn't Johnny brag to the Star the other week about how he'd never danced to a record label's promotional schedule? - and says that he still misses Sid, so that's alright then.

However, having had his thoughts turn to Winehouse, he decides he's got more to say:

"Poor old Amy. Aimless Winehouse would be a better term."

Aimless Winehouse! Oh, how amusing.

"I love all kinds of music but the one thing I have never done is imitate black music in her idiotic way."

Excuse me?

"I don't like pale imitations and shades of things and I am always wary when people go jazzy because jazz is the best cover up for a lack of talent the world has ever known. It don't wash real with me.

"And the cover up for her which is probably the guilt trip is that she requires vast amounts of drugs to hide the fact that she is fake."

There's just so many reasons why he's wrong, but let's just take the implicit suggestion that white people shouldn't play jazz, and the explicit statement that jazz (which Lydon identifies as a solely black form of music) is "a cover for a lack of talent." Ghettoising and damning an entire genre just to stack up a weak pun based on Amy Winehouse's name.

As if there was any point, he then goes to have a pop at gays as well:

I felt the same way playing at the Isle Of Wight. It is orchestrated deck chair seating and gay rainbow flag waving. It's very, very absurd.

Lydon doesn't explain - and the Record doesn't seem bothered to ask - why waving a gay flag is in some way absurd, or, indeed, if the freedom to wave a flag that reflects your sexuality wasn't meant to be one of things that punk was supposed to have been about in the first place. Lydon doesn't explain if he's uncomfortable with having gays in his audience (although we bet he'd respond that he's got several good-ish gay friends), or merely he thinks that gay pride in itself is absurd. To be honest, I don't much care. I can't wait until the US economy stabilises and he can go back to selling flats to the retirement market or whatever his day job is meant to be.

Amy & Blake deny being Sid & Nancy

Not, of course, that anyone believed they were, but just to make it clear, Amy Winehouse and Blake Thingy have denied they're Sid and Nancy:

Amy told The Sun: “We are not going to end up like them. We’re in love and have everything to live for.”

Although, erm, that's not really any different from Sid and Nancy, is it?

Blake said: “We vehemently deny the stuff about drugs. It’s speculation — it’s rubbish.

We admit things have been a little crazy and have to change. We’re going to sort ourselves out.”

Interesting. We wonder if Blake will be launching a legal action against these claims, then - he could start by suing his own parents who have been telling anyone who'd listen that the couple were drugged off their faces.

Meanwhile, Courtney Love has been on the internet to deny that she ever said anyfink about Winehouse:

“NEVER hav i siad Shit about amy! why would i? imet her god for less time than i wa sxin the roonm woth you nd her- im suspicious about wher this quote cam from its too illtimed- whose her pr? Frued? My sex drugs and rock n rill philosphoy is this unlssyour hurting me or people i love then live and let live - just use a rubber. thaTS IT!

“just cos i cant do drugs and havnty for what 3 yers now right? almost exactly- doesnt mean i judge anyone who does, i dont , especially someone i respec t and have only positive thoughts for. My apologies to Winehouse for this nonsense.”

Although, we're at a loss as to how this "I don't judge people who does drugs" claim fits with, you know, all that stuff about Steve Coogan from last week.

Could someone show Courtney how to install the spellcheck on Firefox, by the way?

Estate agent condemns drug dealers

Whoever would have thought, eh? It turns out drugs are bad. Yes, we were surprised, too, but we have John Lydon to thank for this astonishing discovery:

"If only Sid had been able to grow out of the drug thing. He went into it like such a child. He did it in such a goofy, innocent way."

"For him it was a fantastically decadent world that he assumed carried applause with. And he was horribly rewarded because people would think he was special as he was so off his tree."

"But deep down, poor old Sid knew he was not special. That's what we are as human beings, full of self-doubt and fear - and that's no bad thing. Heroin was a symbol of deeper pain for him."

Sid Vicious did stupid things because he thought it made him look cool, did he? Not something you'd ever accuse Rotten of, of course...

Vicious is innocent - again

Every so often, there's a small flurry of "proof" that Sid Vicious didn't murder Nancy Spungen. Steve Dior, who was in the Idols with Vicious, is trying to clear Sid's name. It was the drug dealer wot done it:

"Sid didn't kill Nancy, I know that for a fact. I know who did it. He was a drug dealer from New Jersey who robbed the flat where Nancy was stabbed. Why would Sid rob himself?

"This guy's fingerprints were on the knife but New York Police didn't want to get into it. It was a case closed if they pinned it on Sid, they didn't care if Sid Vicious went to prison. I'm trying to tell more people about it."

It's, admittedly, plausible, although "it was the drug dealer" seems to be as simple and pat an explanation as "it was the drug-addled punk". Why would Sid rob himself? Perhaps to pay for drugs? It's not like he was exactly a clear-headed young man. The truth isn't ever going to be known, but a small cottage industry is thriving on the strip of doubt.

Shoegrazing: Martens drop Saatchi

Saatchi and Saatchi have taken the rap for Dr Martens dead pop stars adverts. The Daily Swarm is reporting that the shoe company has blamed the whole thing on the advertising agency and said it was very sorry:

Dr Martens is very sorry for any offense that has been caused by the publication of images showing dead rock icons wearing Dr Martens boots.

Dr Martens did not commission the work as it runs counter to our current marketing activities based on FREEDM, which is dedicated to nurturing grass roots creativity and supporting emerging talent.

As a consequence, Dr Martens has terminated its relationship with the responsible agency.

David Suddens
Chief Executive

So, Dr Martens "did not commission" the work - which, interestingly, isn't quite the same as saying they didn't approve the work. And, indeed, they did sign off on the campaign for publication, according to the statement from Saatchi:

Saatchi & Saatchi today (Thursday) said it was standing by the creative work for a series of ads created for Dr. Martens which has seen the agency fired by the client. The client approved the ads to run as a one-off in Fact Magazine in the UK.

Kate Stanners, executive creative director, Saatchi & Saatchi said the four print ads which featured the late rock singers Kurt Corbain, Joe Strummer, Sid Vicious and Joey Ramone all in heaven wearing Dr Martens boots, were presented as a homage to the rock legends. All four punk-rock icons were known for wearing Dr. Martens boots.

Stanners said: “We believe the ads are edgy but not offensive. There has been blog commentary both for and against the ads, but it is our belief that they are respectful of both the musicians and the Dr. Martens brand.

“We regret that the controversy has led Dr. Martens to terminate the contract with Saatchi & Saatchi. We are investigating the circumstances and considering the ongoing employment of the individual who was in breach of instructions not to distribute the ads further than the original approved placement in Fact Magazine in the UK.

“While we believe the creative is a beautiful tribute to four legendary musicians, the individual broke both agency and client protocol in this situation by placing the ads on a US advertising website and acting as an unauthorised spokesperson for the company.”

So, it seems, Doc Martens were only unhappy with the idea of illustrious corpses being used to flog their shoes when people started seeing the ads - we're a little at a loss to how the idea was fine providing it only went into a little-read magazine; we're also not entirely sure how, if the ads only appeared in Fact magazine and, without authorisation, on a US advertising website, members of that Joe Strummer forum were talking about a poster that had been up on the streets.

The statement from the advertising people, though, does sound credible - "edgy but not offensive" is exactly the sort of thing you'd expect an advertising person to say when honking on about something the clearly don't really have a grip on. How could using someone's face to flog shoes without permission be anything other than offensive?

Love throws shoes at Dr Martens

Courtney Love is having an angry at Doc Martens, the shoe company, who have slapped Kurt Cobain in a shoe advert, featuring him sat in heaven wearing boots.

Courtney is outraged that anyone (other than herself) should be milking Kurt's corpse but she does have a point this time. The tacky little campaign also features Joey Ramone and, even more cheerfully, Sid Vicious. Doc Martens - the boot of choice for all your heroin-addled woman-murdering needs.

There's also a poster featuring Joe Strummer, apparently. Funny that they couldn't find an celebrity endorsement with a pulse.

There's been a bit of a stench coming from Martens for the last decade or so - when it's not using corpses in its advert, it's using them to excuse making penny-pinching decisions. In 2002, it blamed the US terrorist attacks on September 11th 2001 for throwing 140 people on the dole in Northamptonshire when, really, the motivation was to exploit cheaper Chinese labour.

Yeah, fine - til it knifes your Barbie

What on earth could anyone want with a Sid Vicious doll? I'll bet Malcolm's moping that he missed that trick.