Robbie Williams launches Christmas market surprise

Oh, what larks. The rump of tax-swerving middle-managers Take That are releasing an album today, called III (after the maximum rate of corporation tax they're prepared to countenance.)

But what is this coming from out of nowhere? It's a new Robbie Williams album:

Robbie Williams has announced a surprise new album. Under The Radar Volume 1, a collection of discards and demos that “cried out for a home”, is being released today, the same day as Take That’s III.

“[These are] loads and loads of songs that I’ve written that I’m incredibly passionate about,” Williams said in a handheld video to his fans. “I want you to hear them, otherwise they’re just going to remain in my computer!”

Robbie, it's the 21st Century. If your private files are remaining sat on your computer, that's probably a sign that nobody is interested in them.

It's like a battle for the number one slot. Except...

Although the digital edition won’t be available until 8 December, the CD version is on sale now. Williams is selling them exclusively through his website for £7.50 a pop, or £25 with an autograph.

... given the market for these records is clearly people whose search for a gift for older parents has dragged them into the back where Tesco racks the CDs, it's not really much of a battle. (It's also unclear if Williams' virtual selling of his CDs out the back of a van will be counted for chart returns, too.)

Gordon in the morning: Mark Owen gets the electricians in

Apparently, Mark Owen is taking a new direction for his solo career. Gordon insists it will "surprise" fans.

Really? It's not just that he's looked around, found out what sells and is going to try and pour himself into an uncomfortable modish mould, is it?

A source said: “Mark’s excited about his new sound, it has a modern edge. People might not even think it’s him."

Ah, yes, "a source" - but don't worry, we know Gordon will have diligently worked behind the scenes to make sure this secret source was correct and not just made up a quote to fit the story.

You might wonder what value there is in a man whose main selling point is who he is making a record that people won't know it's him (he's working with Starsmith, by the way).

But then it turns out his main selling point isn't who he is, says "the source":

“His label are keen to get the stuff out – especially as Gary being on X Factor will shift the focus back on Take That.”

Good god, that's grim: "Mark, one of the people you work with is going to be on television; we really need to rush out a song in which you sound like Ellie Goulding to take advantage of that."

Still, Gordon's excited, as he sniffs a hint of one of his beloved chart battles:

With Robbie Williams working on solo material, too, there could be a TT chart battle.

So, that's a chart battle being predicted although at the moment, there's no release dates, not even a hint of anything near ready for release.

Both singers are expecting nippers so might not strike up a cash wager.

Maybe the winner could take ownership of a game of Hungry Hippos.

What? Is that a barbed comment about the pair of them putting on weight? Or is it just as random as it sounds?

Gordon in the morning: Harry Styles is the John Lennon of our age

Yesterday, Gordon Smart tried to get us excited in the idea of some sort of battle for America between One Direction and The Wanted.

It looks like he's realised that they're barely on the same level, and so has cast around for a different trumped-up challenge.

So who does Gordo have lined up for the 'battle' today?

One Direction to beat Beatles

ONE DIRECTION could be on course to achieve something even The Beatles failed to do — land a US Billboard No1 with their debut album.

Apart from being a fatuous comparison because of the very different music markets the bands launch into, Smart's claim suggests a surprising lack of knowledge about The Beatles' early American history. Does Gordon really not know that The Beatles' debut album, Please Please Me, didn't get released in America until February 1987?

I'm not entirely sure if even forcing One Direction to delay the release of Up All Night until 2036 would give us an accurate comparison.

But maybe Gordon meant specifically debut American album release. But if he did, it would still suggest he doesn't really know anything about his supposedly specialised field. Sure, Introducing... The Beatles didn't make Billboard's number one, but it was released on a label, Vee-Jay, struggling under massive levels of debt and a battle royal with Capitol; a restraining order was thrown at the title less than a week after it went on sale and, ten days after the launch of Introducing, Capitol brought out the substantially identical Meet The Beatles, which did go to number one. And was unseated by, erm, The Beatles Second Album.

I guess, strictly speaking, this could mean that One Direction's debut will go to number one in the US while The Beatles didn't, but I think only someone with no understanding of history would think that somehow OD are "beating" The Beatles.

Gordon in the morning: Worst chart battle ever

In his tireless bid to create some sort of chart throwdown, today Gordon is trying to suggest Example's Playing In The Shadows is wrestling with 1.

1. Yes, because one of the most rotten Beatles compilations has been re-released, Smart is convinced there's a fight on. He's been helped in this by Example sending a jokey text claiming it was only The Beatles who could stop him getting to number one.

Did Gordon bother to do any research for this? Even on iTunes, where the collection hasn't been available before, 1 is at 3; over on Amazon, 1 currently sits at, erm, number 49 in the sales chart.

I bet Example can feel the breath of the two that are still breathing on the nape of his neck with sales that close.

Ex isn't keen on the idea of old records gumming up the charts:

"It would be pretty ridiculous if songs released 30 to 40 years ago were beating me."

Gordon's response?

He should take it as a compliment to be in a chart beside them.

Really, Gordon? The acts who are in the chart alongside you reflect on you in some way? How does that work? "I want to send Example a message that I like his records. Therefore I shall buy two Beatles records at the same time. It's the ultimate compliment."