Gene Simmons doesn't hold with all this modern stuff

Gene Simmons took time out from shouting at clouds to have a little rage at file sharing for killing rock. Let's hear him out, shall we?:

"The next KISS of the next BEATLES or whoever it is is not gonna come along, because there is no infrastructure. Here… Let's play a game. From 1958 until 1988 is thirty years. What have we got? Well, let's see… We have Elvis Presley, THE BEATLES, THE [ROLLING] STONES, Jimi Hendrix… the biggest bands of all time. And then in disco, you had Madonna, Donna Summer… all that. The biggest of all. And then in pop, you had Michael Jackson, THE JACKSON 5… all that stuff… and U2. And in heavy metal, you had METALLICA and IRON MAIDEN and all that stuff. Okay. And Prince and all that… From 1988 until today… give me the new BEATLES and the new STONES. Give me just one. You can't. Rock is dead. And the reason for that? Downloading and filesharing. When you stop charging for things, it becomes worthless. And there's gonna have to be a business model that's gonna have to change.

I suppose it's hard to argue that if you don't charge for something, it becomes worthless in a strict financial sense, but I'd have really liked to have heard from Simmons how filesharing stopped bands generating during the 1990s, before it became a thing. Maybe it's just such an evil force that it travels out in time in all directions.

Or, perhaps, rock started to look tired because people who had made some records ten, twenty, thirty years previously stuck around flogging branded merchandise off their reputation and strangled a lot of the creativity in the scene. What do you think, Gene?

Or, maybe, if you're looking for a 21st Century Madonna, and don't immediately think Beyonce, you're just too far from what's going on. Maybe discounting the whole R&B scene, maybe not thinking Kanye or Jay-Z are as culturally relevant as deep-reaching... maybe the problem is that you don't really recognise what the heirs of Presley look like, Gene.

'Cause there are great bands out there, but there's no support system." He continued: "You know, there's a ten-thousand-hour principle [the principle which holds that 10,000 hours of 'deliberate practice' are needed to become world-class in any field]. There's a book about that. Before THE BEATLES went into the studio to become THE BEATLES, they played clubs for ten thousand hours. That's years. You have to do something for thousands and thousands of hours before you get any good on it.

You're right, Gene, there is a book about the 10,000 hours theory. There's also - far more significantly - a study into it. It's bollocks.

Nowadays, instant gratification means you can hum in your shower, then wind up on 'The X Factor' and you're on television and you get a recording contract. But almost none of these singers who get recording contracts become huge. And that's because the taller the tree, the deeper the root that needs to be in the ground to hold up all that weight. So if you have a tree with no roots [makes falling hand motion]." Simmons added: "I love the new pop singers. I love Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I've met them both. They're all great and talented… What's gonna happen when you're 40 and 50? Will it still work? That's the test of time."

What's beautiful here is Simmons suddenly realising that he's completely undermined his own argument by remembering Taylor Swift, so decides that she doesn't count as we don't known what she'll be doing in twenty years. Swift has been a jobbing musician for eleven years already, which means she's already been going for a year longer than The Beatles managed. Despite her career having happened entirely post-Napster.

But, still, always interesting to hear from you Gene. Good to know the opinions of the leader in the Branded Rock Merchandise Market.

Gene Simmons is not a suspect

There's a raid on a house by police looking for child pornography. The house is owned by someone famous, but police go out of their way to stress that the suspect is not the famous person, nor a member of their family; and that the famous person is not a suspect.

The press still use the famous person's name at the front end of the headlines, and a massive photo of him.

It might not even be that someone from the house downloaded anything; it could just be the IP address. And Simmons wasn't even in the country when the alleged offence occurred.

But the AP report still ends with two lines about Simmons:

Phone and email messages to Simmons' publicist were not immediately returned.

The 65-year-old Simmons has been a central member of KISS since the early 1970s. His family was the subject of a reality TV series that aired for several years.

Yes, they were. But not the subject of the story you've just filed.

Realityobit: Lil Chris

Sad to hear that Chris Hardman, who became known for a while as Lil' Chris, has died.

Chris was the breakout star of Channel 4's Rock School reality series. The format saw Gene Simmons attempting to turn a group of Lowestoft schoolkids into pop stars; he nearly pulled it off with Chris.

He managed to make the most of his time in the spotlight - hosting a strand of celebrity features as part of the now-defunct T4 programming on Channel 4; releasing a couple of albums, and a few singles.

But a first album, pointed at the 2006 Christmas market, only scraped through to 54; a follow-up took two years, and stalled at 94.

As Chris got older, the work started to dry up; he had a spell in musicals and then had a crack at Christmas Number One in 2013 with Christmas Number One (#FeedEmYellowSnow). As you might expect from a single with a hashtag in the title, it didn't worry the charts.

Lil' Chris was 24; Police in Suffolk say his death was not suspicious.

Jackson concert organisers admit maybe hiring people who think he fiddled with kiddies "an oversight"

I don't know if they're actually planning to use the title "The Ill-Fated Michael Jackson Tribute Concert" formally, but, boy, it fits.

Latest nightmare for the organisers of the Cardiff concert is having to uninvite Kiss from the bill after being reminded of this:

Some of [Gene] Simmons' harshest comments came last year in an interview with Classic Rock magazine. "Well, you know, where there's smoke there's fire," Simmons said regarding accusations that Jackson abused young boys. "There's no question in my mind he molested those kids. Not a doubt."

You know, says Global Events CEO Chris Hunt, perhaps putting Kiss on the bill was a bad idea:

"Under the circumstances, we fully agree that even though Kiss is a band Michael admired, we have no choice but to rescind our invitation to them to appear in our tribute concert," Hunt wrote in a statement.

A slightly more interesting question is why Gene Simmons signed up to pay tribute to a man he believes molested kids.

Not happening for Gene

Gene Simmons - one of the subbrands of merchandising corporation Kiss - wishes, oh he wishes that all British music could be as interesting as Oasis:

"God bless the U.K. for giving the world the music that makes all our lives better. I like Keane, I like Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand write great songs. What's missing is stars. I don't care what they do, who they're shagging, where they live... they're not interesting people."

"The most interesting people to me are the Gallagher brothers. The interesting thing about them is they're drug addicts and alcoholics and they fight with each other. That's really it."

The claim that Noel Gallagher and Liam Gallagher are both drug addicts and alcoholics is, I stress, Gene Simmons' opinion.

I guess Gene has a point - nobody is very interested in who Keane might be shagging. But, come to that, is anyone really interested where Gene Simmons lives? He might assume so, since people keep asking him to make programmes about his life. But Gene: nobody really cares.

Perhaps if you spent less time being "interesting", you might be able to write a song that - and let's set the bar quite low - is as good as Somewhere Only We Know.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Gene Simmons gets lawsuit for Christmas

What do you give the man who has everything (or, rather, has everything covered with his band's logo and sold at a massive mark-up?).

If it's Gene Simmons, it's got to be a writ. A couple claim that he attacked them in a mall:

According to the complaint and restraining order application, Marlowe asked Simmons for his view on monogamy, and Simmons responded by telling Marlowe to get his shot and leave. The filings state Simmons then lunged and attacked Marlowe, taking the video camera, then turned on Manzo when she tried to get the camera back.

Apparently this was twenty-five grands' worth of distress. It's all up to courts now.

Nine Inch Nails: The fear that drives the band

What is it that keeps Trent Reznor going? A face in his head, that's what:

Now when I’m offstage, I’m not same guy onstage but it’s driven by the same place. I’d never want to be Gene Simmons, an old man who puts on makeup to entertain kids, like a clown going to work ... In my paranoia, I fear that if I don’t stop this, it could become that. Because it’s nice to get a paycheck, and now the only way to get a paycheck is to play live, so it’s all those things swirling around in my head.

Reznor is pretty sharp on the challenges facing people who rely on music for their paycheques:

It’s a kind of Mafia-type run business .. They have systematically taken advantage of artists over the years from The Beatles onwards. You [the artists] do all the work, they loan you money to make records, then you pay them back and they own everything. To see that system collapse is an exciting thing. There isn’t a clear answer on what the right thing to do is right now, and as a musician you’re up against a pretty difficult scenario: most kids feel it’s OK to steal music, and do freely ... The good news is that people are excited and interested in music ...

It's perhaps disappointing to hear him use the RIAA phrase "steal music"...

As an artist it’s your job to capitalize on that. It means generally swallowing a bitter pill and saying, ‘Hey, people don’t want to buy music, so let me give it to you. I’ll find another way to make money but I want you on my side and hearing my music. So let’s get rid of this walled garden of having to pay to hear it, here it is, give it to your friends. Hey, try to come to our show if you can, or you can buy this T-shirt of ours if you like, and that will help us out. Or, here’s a nice version of our album that we put in a cool package for a premium price and we’re only selling a couple thousands of them.’

... because it's clear that what he means is not that people are stealing at all; they're just not placing any cash value on the digital product. It's not theft, it's the market exerting its logic, Trent - which is what you show by your responses.

Kiss upset about not being put in some sort of museum

Kiss want to know where the respect for them is. Respect? Love, perhaps. They feel unloved by their exclusion from the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. Yes, like it matters:

"There are disco bands, rap bands, Yiddish folk song bands in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but not Kiss," the band's outspoken frontman said during a speech at the Billboard Touring Conference on Thursday. "I believe we have more gold records in America than any other group, but it's OK."

Perhaps the Hall Of Fame team don't realise that - alongside the bobble-head dolls, action figures, Kiss-branded lighters and Kiss footballs, the make-up bags and army buckles - there's actually a band using the same logo and trademarks.

Not that Simmons is bitter about it, or anything:

"A lot of those guys on the board [of the museum] can go and get my sandwich when I want, and I mean that in the nicest way," he said.

It would have to be a Kiss-branded sandwich, of course.

Still, Simmons might be able to draw comfort from knowing that while Leonard Cohen might be getting a small section in a corner of the Cleveland museum, nobody has yet bothered to make a Leonard Cohen Mr Potato Head.

Kiss blame the consumers

Whose fault is the demise of the record industry? Gene Simmons points the finger at the audience:

"The record industry is dead, it's six feet underground, and unfortunately the fans have done this.

"They've decided to download and file share. There is no record industry around so we're going to wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilised."

So, it's not the fault of the industry itself for failing to respond to changing technology and shifting consumer demand.

And does it not occur to Simmons that - if an industry finds itself without people willing to pay for the products it produces at a price they are happy with - there actually is no industry? Does he believe that the major labels are in some way a social good, like education and socialised healthcare and that - although they are profit-maximising beasts who have happily embraced capitalism in the good years - customers owe them something to support them when times get tough?

Why is 'unfortunate' that businesses which fail to respond to the markets in which they operate will, themselves, fail? Isn't that what the market economy is supposed to do?

Sharon Osbourne threatens to push head up woman

The ever-charming Sharon Osbourne hasn't let the passing of what feels like several aeons dissuade her from responding to the last mutterings by Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed. They had attempted to try and raise some interest in their me-too faked-reality TV show by saying something or other about the Osbournes. Now, seemingly tired of waiting to come up with the perfect witty riposte, the woman ITV thought would make a charming teatime TV host has just shot out:

"His wife's s**** has been rubbed on every pole in LA. I'll fucking tear his head off and stick it up her!"

We're sure Gala Bingo will be delighted at seeing the person they're paying to promote their product is suggesting the correct way to solve a dispute is by murdering a woman's partner and then violating her body with part of the dismembered corpse.

Maybe we should ask them.

Gene Simmons kisses-off on-demand TV

It seems to be an evening for former rockstars finding their over-hyped projects coming to grief. After the fire bobbies have hosed down the remains of the Van Halen reunion, they'll have to rush over to deal with the bitter end of Gene Simmons' previously announced $40 million floatation of NPTV, a cable video-on-demand service.

It's now not going to happen.