Gordon in the morning: Pants

Behind Gordon's impregnable paywall this morning comes the news that One Direction are going to appear at some sort of Victoria's Secret event. Or, in other words, all lingerie models ever can expect to start receiving evil tweets from One Direction fans warning them not to push their busts up in Harry's general direction.

Nelly gets into P Diddy's pants

As a model. Why doesn't Diddy model his own bloody pants?

Natasha nixes 'no knickers' nonsense

Natashas Bedingfield has denied the story about her going on stage knickerless for the Diana concert without underwear. Not even practical, she claims:

"Anyone who believed that rumour needs to look up the meaning of the word gullible and apply it to themselves. Think about it, I wore a mini dress, the cameras and audience were directly below and it was windy... I'm not about to expose myself to millions of viewers and Princes."

Millions of Princes, of course, would be very disappointed. This, of course, is not simply an attempt to try and keep the story alive by referring to it again to keep it stoked up, of course.

We also love the slightly outraged tone of her post. "It was windy and I was wearing a short skirt and above everybody...." - which seems to suggest she was happy enough to flash her knickers in front of the millions of Princes, allowing us to carefully calibrate that she's not that sort of girl, but she is the other sort of girl.

Kill Rock Stars crush private bits

The good people at Kill Rock Stars are trying to offload too-small pants:

So, I know you've been waiting for it. Here's the Tiny Underwear Part of the Sale. We actually didn't mean to make the underwear be this tiny, but since they are, we thought we'd draw attention to it since there are no returns on underwear, for obvious reasons.

Kill Rock Stars - Star Logo Girl Hot Pants $13
t White Kill Rock Stars Star Logo on Black Hot Pants/Underwear. Sizes are tiny and there are no returns on underwear, so don't say I didn't warn you. For a size chart, go to (size chart) And click on N73, women's hotpants. I'm generally a women's medium or large (size 8 or 9 in women's pants) and I would probably wear a 2XL in these sizes. They are similar to the American Apparel sizing, which is to say, they are for small/slender adults or children. We are sorry about this and hope to get some bigger underwear soon. Please send us suggestions for sweatshop free ethical companies to order them from! In the meantime we hope you can find ways to enjoy these tiny underwear. If they fit you, great, we just want to make it clear that we know not all adults are this tiny! Body image freak out=it's not you, these are too small for most adult women.

Now we know where all Janice Battersby's dodgy work ends up...

Nadine makes knicker pledge

If you're anything like us, you'll have been fretting about exactly what Nadine Coyle thinks about these celebrity upskirts which reveal they're not wearing any pants.

Oh... you haven't? Never mind, she's told us anyway:

“I’d never do it. I wear underwear at all times. I don’t think being spotted out without it is very nice to look at.”

That's a nicely mangled sentence there - it's not nice to look at being spotted?
Jesse Metcalfe, who Coyle is apparently "seeing" and cannot be mentioned without the supporting phrase "Desperate Housewives hunk" is even more censorious:

“If Nadine went out without knickers I’d be mortified. It’s low class.”

There seems to be a bit of a confusion here - going out without knickers can, sometimes, be quite sexy; it's different from going out without pants and waving your bits in the direction of people with cameras. And we suspect that Metcalfe is less worried about the class implications, more about the world getting a peek at a place he feels only he should be visiting.