Cameron gets briefing on Rita Ora to make him look in touch

What's worse than a politician who shoehorns in references to pop culture to try and "connect" with the "electorate"?

A politician whose advisors give him those references to drop in. David Laws says David Cameron was prepped to know who the cool pop stars with "the kids" (or, at least, ITV executives) were:

DAVID Cameron got a top-secret briefing on Rita Ora to make sure he could show off his common touch.

The PM was filled in on the pop star’s chart success so he could show off his knowledge in interviews.

Aides namechecked Rita just as she hit No.1 with I Will Never Let You Down.

I think The Sun is probably overselling this as a "top secret briefing" - it's unlikely he was taken to a COBRA committee to be shown ten seconds of the Never Let You Down video.

I hope they're still doing this. I really like the idea of someone tasked with having to sit down Dave at Friday teatime for the latest charts.

Tom Jones now telling Elvis anecdotes down the Job Centre

Tom "Bloody" Jones isn't a happy man. He was fully expecting to continue his judging role on The Voice - which effectively means sitting in a chair for fifteen weeks, occasionally jerking awake to say "Bob Dylan used to deliver my Ocado order in the 60s", before slumping back into a slumber. He'd even been practising trying to watch Will I Am's "antics" without allowing his face to betray the complete depth of his contempt.

But it's not to be. The BBC have decided that Sir Tom needn't bother himself this year. His place on the panel has gone to Boy George. (The now-absent Rita Ora has been replaced by Paloma Faith, which will have the same result you'd have got if Ora had spent the summer break doing a correspondence course.)

Tom isn't happy, though. The Telegraph hears his pain:

Writing on his official Facebook and Twitter pages, Sir Tom revealed he had not chosen to leave of his own accord, accusing executives of lacking basic respect.

He said: "In good faith, as part of the team, I’d put the time in my schedule to be involved in Series 5, as I’ve done for the last 4 years. I’ve supported the show and the BBC since the beginning.

"I was told yesterday, with no consultation or conversation of any kind, that I would not be returning.

Having been through plenty of transformations throughout the years, I support and admire creative change. But being informed, as a matter of duty and respect, is an important part of creative relationships.

"This sub-standard behaviour from the executives is very disappointing.

"I will always admire the courage of the performers who participate in the show, as well as all the production staff who worked tirelessly to make a great family viewing experience for the audience at home. I wish the show well."

Someone who has been part of The Voice for four years being surprised at something sub-standard happening in the production team really does suggest Tom spent most of the time sleeping, doesn't it?

Woman changes hairstyle; MTV confused

What's that, MTV? You need some help with an identification problem?

You... you need us to tell you who the pop star in that photo of Rita Ora is? It's, erm, Rita Ora, isn't it?

after getting a 1970s-style makeover with bleached eyebrows and long, straight hair for the Mark Kean photoshoot - The Voice coach Rita was left looking like a completely different person!

MTV, then: still very much convinced that their father did really disappear when he put his hands in front of his face.

Rita Ora talks about herself in the third person

So, Rita Ora was at the Oscars last night (she didn't win), and obviously, E! wanted to know what she was wearing. This is how Rita answered:

"In the dress world for Rita Ora, there are two things you have to do: what hasn't anybody done [and] what could I do to make myself feel as sexy as possible," she said. "I'm really lucky to be in a position where I have an amazing team who can design custom from real incredible designers like Vera Wang and Marchesa and so forth."

In dress terms, that answer is something that got chewed up in the washing machine.

"In the dress world for Rita Ora"?

I know it must mush your brains to mush-mush to be performing at the Oscars - look what it did the Neil Patrick Harris last night, whose hosting was so off-note that he'd be lucky to get a casting call if they decided to bring back Doogie Howser. But who gets so confused they start to talk about how they chose a frock with the phrase "in the dress world for Rita Ora"? Especially if they're Rita Ora.

Still, how did what hasn't anybody done work out for you, Rita?

Yes, a white/silver/reflective floor length gown - that's a fresh look for this awards season, Rit... oh, sorry, that's Taylor Swift at the Grammys, isn't it? In 2014.

Here's Rita, then:

Still, you can tell how her designers have designed custom out of what real incredible designers have done there, can't you?

Listen with No Rock: XCX/Ora together at, erm, last

I'm not totally convinced that Rita Ora brings anything to a Charli XCX single that wasn't already there, but for what it's worth... here's what happens when they collaborate:

Rita Ora goes to Cannes; opens bottles

Rita Ora has gone to Cannes, and wants to enjoy it:

Rita Ora has been to Cannes before, but she can't tell you much about it because it felt like a blur.

"I've never been to Cannes properly. I've been one time to perform, and then I left, so I never really experienced it," she said.

So how will she stop it feeling like a blur this time?

The 23-year-old British singer was back to perform Friday night for an intimate party thrown by Belvedere Vodka.

Oh, yes. Nothing like a gig where there's free vodka on offer to ensure that things won't pass in a blur.

And how did the IBN choose to headline this vodka-floated trip to Cannes?

British singer Rita Ora plans to 'soak up' Cannes this time

I guess it depends how much voddy there is to be soaked up first, though.

Rita Ora makes a choice

"I was asked to judge that X Factor but said no" very much the mid 2010s "yeah, they offered me a seat in the House Of Lords but I didn't want to compromise my ability to speak out on the issues", isn't it?

She told Capital FM: "I would have loved to have done it. I'm such a fan of the show but if I did that, then i can't do this.

"I didn't want to do an album and do promo and go on tour and have that responsibility at the same time."

"This" is an endless tour of local radio stations talking about, mostly, how she could have been on the X Factor by now if she hadn't said no to it in order to tour radio studios talking about how she said no to the X Factor to free up her time to visit commercial broadcasters giving interviews about the decision to turn down the X Factor so she could spend time calling in at ILR networks communicating about her refusal of the X Factor due to demands on her diary made by visits to breakfast shows and drivetime programmes where she will talk about choosing not to do the X Factor.

But Rita Ora isn't an idiot. She's aware that Aire FM might not always want to be amongst the first to hear about how she's not doing the X Factor, so she's leaving the door open:

She added: "I said I would love to do it when the time is right, so basically a few albums on."

I suspect that very few people outside of the X Factor expect it to still be on air in a few albums time; there might not be many people outside of Rita Ora who believe she's got a few albums left in her.

Gordon in the morning: Going off at half-cock

Bloody hell, this pre-pubic punnage is harder work than going up the Shard by stairs:

In other news, how is The Saturdays' attempts to break America through the medium of reality TV series going?

THE Saturdays’ TV show following the girls trying to crack America has been canned — leaving their hopes of US stardom in tatters.

The singers failed to secure a second series of Chasing The Saturdays during talks with execs at channel E! in LA.

Insiders said bosses pulled the plug after viewing figures slumped to 100,000.

That rather understates how far the series shed viewers - it opened with nearly a million and dropped a third by week two; by the time the series limped to an end it was being watched by fewer people in the US than were sticking with it in the UK. Not that there were many of them, either.

Not only did the fail to break America; they couldn't even beat Disney's kid's puppet show Crash And Bernstein in the ratings.

Gordon in the morning: If something doesn't malfunction, isn't it working?

Do you remember just before Christmas Gordon Smart getting very excited over Rita Ora wearing a "nip-slip outfit", which turned out to be a garment that, theoretically, one of Ora's nipples could peek out of?

It's happened again today - Smart's run a piece by Ayeesha Walsh under the headline:

Cop a load of Rita! Ora narrowly avoids nip-slip in leather PC outfit

Once was awkward. To run two "you could almost see her nipples" pieces in two months is creepy. It's starting to make the Bizarre column like a print version of the bit in Gregory's Girl where the horny teenage virgins discuss what they nearly saw at the nurses' home.

Gordon in the morning: Nipslip bullshit

Something especially awful this morning, as Gordon runs a picture of Rita Ora. Nothing strange in that, except... look how he describes it:

It's a "nip slip outfit". Important to note that there's no suggestion that Ora's areola made an appearance. No, Gordon's just excited that there's a vague possibility that it could pop out.

On this basis, then, surely all skirts would actually be "upskirt outfits"?

Gordon in the morning: Hanging round the school gates

Today, for some reason Gordon runs a school photo of Rita Ora:

RITA ORA hasn’t changed much from her school days.

She left school all of three years ago, of course.

So, she's not changed much, then, Gordon?

She has discovered bleach and hair straighteners since then.

Oh. So she's changed quite a bit, then?

What's really disturbing about this is the way the Bizarre homepage is linking to the photo item - first off, it's shoved it in that large pic box which is usually home to a photo of a woman in a bikini. An odd position to put a photo of a kid. And the caption is quite creepy, too:

It’s back to school for Rita! Star looks Fresh-faced in snaps
HOT Right Now star, who landed her first No1 with DJ Fresh, goes make-up free and shows off her natural brunette locks in class pictures

There's nothing disturbing about describing a photo of a schoolgirl like that, is there?

Gordon in the morning: Song for whoever

Presumably assuming we don't understand that most chart pop hits are now made like Per Una trousersuits, sitched together to a basic design and then offered up to someone in the hope they'll fit, Rita Ora turns up to insist that she was given the chance to do the new Cheryl Cole song first:

She decided the house track — which is written and produced by Calvin Harris — was too dance orientated. She said: “I heard Call My Name quite a while ago because I was offered it.

“I turned it down. I do like the song but I didn’t want to sing it ’cos it’s not really me.

“I don’t want to go down the dance route that a lot of other pop stars are doing.

“I prefer to have my own sound and do my own thing.”

That would be the "doing your own thing" which, er, involves auditioning songs written for whoever fancies doing them.