Gordon in the morning: Betrayed by Cheryl Cole

Gordon Cole has invested a lot in break-down of the Cole-Tweedy marriage, having revealed Ashley Cole's philandering, pushing Cheryl to dump him and predicting it was only a short while before the divorce. On Monday, Gordon claimed Cheryl was so angry she was singing songs about him, and insisting on the 19th last month that Cheryl was about to give Ashley the old heave-ho.

Oddly, though, none of this seems to be present in his story this morning, which confirms that The Coles are going to give it another go. With each other.

While not mentioning that he's spent a couple of months campaigning and cajoling for the opposite outcome, Smart tries to suggest that - in some way - Cheryl has humilated herself:

Last night Cheryl was STILL refusing to wear her wedding ring “until she feels ready to put it back on”, according to a pal.

One reason is that she is so red-faced at having to swallow her pride by forgiving her love rat husband.

The friend said: “She is worried how people will react to her taking him back.

“It has been embarrassing for her because she was so vocal before the marriage about what she would do if he cheated on her.”

Not half as vocal as Gordo has been, mind.

Lily Allen has had a rough time recently; wisely, she's chosen to take some time to talk to people about how she's feeling and what she's going through. If you thought, though, that consulting a health professional instead of self-medicating with booze and drugs would be treated as a sensible option by The Sun, you'd be wrong, of course. Gordon's column gives the story a headline:

Lily seeing a shrink

It's not even clear why this is considered to be any of our business in the first place, but to report someone talking to a psychiatrist in terms that recall Gripper writing 'Roland is a headcase - he goes to see a shrink' on the Grange Hill blackboard is astonishing. I know, we shouldn't be surprised that Smart edits his page like a comprhensive school bully, but just when you think you've got the measure of the man it turns out he's actually even smaller than you thought.

Smart is expected to make Allen roll along the ground after stealing her pocket money this lunchtime.

Elsewhere, watching Pete Doherty's video of crack smoking through a chicken's bottom, Gordon observes:

[his] drug habits have been reported in detail in the past

before, erm, going on to repeat the stories so far anyway.

Oh, apparently the video is an old one of Doherty using a pot chicken - made of clay type pot. The Sun has taken it off YouTube and slapped it into its pisspoor RooMedia video player - we're sure they've sorted the copyright out on that.