There's a shock in store for Gordonwatchers this morning: Cheryl Cole, who should be looking too thin, is actually looking "much happier".
Aware that his column has been inconsistent to the point of insanity on Cole, Smart tries to explain the flip-flopping perspective by suggesting it's been a long time:
And, apparently, last Thursday and Saturday.
As Cheryl prepares to talk to Ashley, and reveal words and feelings known only to her and her heart, Gordon does some wonderful fudging to suggest he knows what's going to happen:
So, he's getting one last chance. Or is he?
No, he isn't.
There's something really nasty about Smart's keeness for the marriage to end terribly - however you feel about the Coles, watching someone stand on the sidelines chanting "divorce, divorce, divorce" like it's a spectator sport is a little unedifying:
Perhaps Gordon is too busy to read the rest of his paper, but he seems unaware that the editorial line amongst the grown-ups is that family breakdown is one of the signs of endtimes:
The paper, surely, can't expect families to stick together when one of its writers treats an impending divorce as a lark, can it?
Smart then offers to help Tweedy out:
I’ve a drawer full of phone numbers from lads around the country offering you a shoulder to cry on ...
Gordon keeps a drawer full of young men's phone numbers? I wonder if he scores them on the back.
Elsewhere, Agent Provocateurs have decided not to use Lily Allen in their advertising:
You can see why.