Poor Soulja Boy insists he's misunderstood

Soulja Boy is worried we'll get the wrong idea about him:

"They've got it all wrong. People like to say my songs are sexual and that really gets to me," he told Hot TV magazine. "That could hurt my reputation and affect the future of my career. People are just misinterpreting the lyrics."

Really?

Here's the first verse of Soulja's Blow My Booty Hoe. We shan't pass any judgement, lest we skew your opinion one way or another:

im lookin fo misses supa sweet
im mr booty meat i wanna sket sket sket (oh)
between yo teeth hoes call me soulja boy cause my dick so large
i can fuck you from da back
in da middle of da yard hoe
im fo real naw dis shit aint fake
happy birthday bitch
come get yo bithday cake
i know what i mean
i aint make no mistakes
let me hit it from da back
den we head to da place

It's absurd that people might think "I've got a massive cock and can fuck you from the back of the garden" could be interpreted in a sexual way. How twisted people can be, eh?

Soulja also worries that the whole calling women "hoes" might reflect badly on him, making him look like a prick or something:

"That's how I was raised, but it's not something I'm proud of," he explained. "Since I've been in the music industry I've learnt from older people that it's not good to talk like that. I'm more careful now."

Oddly, though, having learned that calling women hoes is deeply unpleasant - and you can see why it might take a while for that to occur - Soulja has yet to have any regrets about the second verse of that tune, and in particular this bit:

i will rape dat hoe man
we ready to go satrt da car
and we gon go bitch wanna
go den she can go
when she get to my house
imma fuck dat hoe

Presumably he's yet to meet someone old enough to explain that promising to rape women isn't anything to be proud of, either.

Catatonia Bank Holiday: Lost Cat

An early promo video now:




[Part of the Catatonia Bank Holiday]

Manson tries to hide how much he's taken fans for

He might like to shock people with, ooh, his eyeliner and stuff, but there's one shock that Marilyn Manson doesn't want to spring on people: just how much cash he's made from dressing up like a Target Halloween demon every day.

He's trying to stop the legal team representing disgruntled former goth-in-arms Stephen Bier from forcing financial details into the public realm as part of their bid to claw back some earnings:

"A protective order is necessary to protect the confidentiality of that information against competitors and from the media and to preclude the plaintiff from using Manson's confidential information for improper purposes," the motion states.

Bier's response misses the point a little:

"Manson lives his life in the public eye," a filing opposing the defense's motion states. "He communicates frequently with the press regarding his personal affairs, openly discusses his frequent drug use, his failed marriage with burlesque model Dita Von Teese, his current relationship with actress Evan Rachel Wood, and his wild, rock 'n' roll lifestyle."

He also drinks absinthe and openly discusses his friends' and band members' sexual proclivities, as well, Bier claims.

We've not quite been able to puzzle out why drinking absinthe means that everyone has, automatically, a right to see your bank statements.

Not-Jello quits Kennedys

The never-quite-satisfying post-Biafra Dead Kennedys have got a problem this morning, with Jeff Penalty quitting the band.

Although we've never really thought much of his attempts to be mimic Jello, we have to be honest: his departure is every bit as bitter and noisy as Biafra's original split with the group:

It's likely that, if asked, the band will attribute my departure to scheduling conflicts brought about by my documentary work, but in reality it's a tediously long story involving personality conflicts, creative differences, arguments about splitting money equally, arguments about how the band should be run, arguments about the wisdom of hiring a band manager whose other star client was a Christian folk artist, arguments about whether we should or shouldn't go on MTV, and arguments about many other wretched things.

"I thought about quitting numerous times over the past year, but I officially did so on Thanksgiving when I found out that the band had been recruiting a new singer behind my back and had even played a secret show with one at a bar in my neighborhood.”

It's that last little detail - not just playing a show with a replacement, but doing it round the corner from his house - that we think really shows the Kennedys in their warmest, truest light.

Houseparty mum no longer blames Tong, Mail grudgingly admits

Considering all the trumpeting the press made when Pete Tong was being blamed for the Bovey Tracey gatecrashed party, it's surprising how little attention has been given to Rebecca Brooks realisation that the problem lay elsewhere. You have to scroll quite a way down the the Daily Mail's latest story to discover this:

Rebecca says: "I did blame Pete Tong at first, though now I realise that it was internet social networking that is the real culprit. It's incredible. I am struggling to comprehend the power of it."

Of course, there's a suspicion that the Mail is running the story again for one reason, and one reason only. Can you spot what it is?

Her mansion was trashed and her daughter paraded as a dominatrix
[...]
Standing there in her PVC dominatrix dress, thigh-length boots and whip, Sarah was completely helpless.
[...]
Rebecca dismisses criticism of Sarah dressed as a dominatrix, saying it was only a 'costume'
[...]
Sarah has been stung by comments that she is attention-seeking (that dominatrix outfit)
[...]
"I wore a nun's habit at my 16th party, so it seemed a nice contrast to dress up like a dominatrix," she explains.
[...]
"As for dressing like a dominatrix, it was a costume for goodness sake. I thought she looked great."
[...]
It was all too much for Sarah, who was feeling the full weight of responsibility on her scantily-clad shoulders.

Not, of course, that the Mail is obsessed with an 18 year-old girl dressed up as a dominatrix or anything. It runs a picture of her in the outfit, too, just so that readers who might have missed the mention that she was wearing a PVC outfit in the article itself.

Darkness at 3AM: Mika at risk

Worrying news from the Mirror:

[Mika] has been forced to step up security after receiving some dodgy death threats from over-zealous fans.

Yes, it's worrying. Mika still has fans? Surely his career has gone off for a bit of a sit-down with the Scissor Sisters and The Darkness, hasn't it?

We know about this because Mika is assuring us that earth weapons cannot harm him:

"I'm absolutely fine - don't worry about me - I'm not scared."

That's good. We can all sleep a little more safely now, then. Although increasing security would suggest you're a little scared, wouldn't it?

Meanwhile, 3AM's obsession with treating former members of Blue like they're actually part of the pop world continues. Simon Webbe is preparing a third album by, erm, not eating individual fruit pies:

"It's all about the Mr Kiplings for me. They rock my world. But I've got to give them up."

Man stops eating fruit pies prior to promoing unwanted third album. Hold that front page.

Catatonia Bank Holiday: Nothing Hurts

It's still the Bank Holiday weekend, so a spot more Catatonia. This is Nothing Hurts, from the 1998 Hootenanny. (Note to Daily Mail: this isn't streaming live.)



[Part of Catatonia Bank Holiday]

Gordon in the morning: The new sudoku

It's interesting to note that the Sun's Heather Mills coverage over the last couple of days, which has historically been co-posted under the Bizarre heading online, hasn't been shared with Gordon's column. Which is odd, you'd have thought he'd have liked having something about a person with a porn past on his part of the website.

In the paper, the lead is claims that Lily Allen got asked to not sing Fulham songs in the West Ham director's box, after having had a bit too much pre-match hospitality. Gordon's source tuts:

She was singing Fulham chants really loudly and her language was not suitable for a football match these days.

These days. As in 'since football became too expensive for the riff-raff', presumably.

Gordon also has a probably-baseless story about Blake begging Amy for money for drucks via some sort of third-party bank account - although, unusually for the Bizarre column, there's actually a sourced comment to back this one up:

Pentonville’s security chief Andy Watts has written to Blake’s solicitors warning: “There is strong and supported intelligence he is involved in attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison.”

Goodness. We bet they had to send someone off to the reporter's desk to ask how you phrase it when you're not making up keeping the source of quote anonymous.

No word of how Gordon has become privy to a letter from Pentonville to a solicitor, you'll note. Perhaps the security of the prison isn't all it should be.

For the Bank Holiday weekend, though, there's a special online feature:

Match star to the push-up bra

No, really.

We're pretty certain number five is Gordon himself, but we didn't want to look too closely.

Velvet Revolver: You're all fired

There's a possibility that Velvet Revolver might be calling it a day: Scott Weiland told the Glasgow audience last night that this was the last tour - shortly before having a hissy fit. A blog posting by drummer Matt Sorum today didn't add very much beyond alluding to Weiland's bad mood and some hopeful Bad Newsisms:

"Everybody could see who was unhappy last night, but all I can say is let's keep the rock alive, people!!!! In this life, you just pick up and keep moving. And don't ever let anybody stand in your way."

Four exclamation points, you'll note. That's convinc