Ed Sheeran cuts prices

It goes against the very grain of every fibre of my existence to say something nice about Ed Sheeran, but... doing a tour of Australia where the ticket prices are designed to be affordable rather than gouging the fans is a Nice Thing To Do:

ED Sheeran has announced an Australian arena tour on his lonesome and on a budget.

Sheeran will charge only $99 for tickets for all concerts on his April/May tour next year, with none of the usual VIP packages or premium seating charges.

Although that is still the equivalent of fifty-three British pounds for a ticket, so it's a rather stretchy definition of "affordable" (roughly a full day's work at Australian minimum wage levels, for example).

And given that it's just him and a guitar and no band, the costs are pretty low to start with.

But - even with those points in mind, and somewhat grudgingly - the excising of 'even more expensive tickets' is a welcome move. Everyone's being a bit overcharged, but everyone's being a bit overcharged by the same amount.

Taylor Swift experiences invasion

Last night was the first night of Taylor Swift's Red tour in the UK.

It was all spoiled though, when a shambling idiot appeared on stage.

And as if Ed Sheeran coming on to do an duet wasn't bad enough there was a stage invasion by someone from the audience.

(Thank you. You may now choose from 'Seinfeldian slap bass riff' or the traditional 'boom-tish drum effect'.)

The stage invader handed Swift a note - believed to read "we love you, but in god's name don't inflict any more Ed Sheeran on us, please" - before being removed by security.

Someone in the crowd took a photo of it, and luckily Kevin Cummins didn't turn up to make them delete the picture:

Taylor Swift Fan On Stage To Give Note - http://t.co/WHtYN837Qd pic.twitter.com/GLlhHqZD3h

— OCEANUP (@OCEANUP) February 2, 2014

The Bluetones announce a split

Try not to say "were you still going, then?" as we discover The Bluetones are planning a farewell tour this September. They have statemented:

"After 17 years and 6 albums, The Bluetones have decided that the time has arrived to call it a day and move on to other challenges,”says frontman Mark Morriss."Before disappearing forever though, we will be heading out for one last tour, as a chance to say farewell and thank you to all the fans that have sustained us over these years, with a career spanning Greatest Hits/Best Of... style set of songs. It's gonna be emotional."

It does make you wonder who else might still be grinding away without anyone noticing - are The High still touring?

The Rolling Stones call it day... in the future... perhaps

MTV trumpets the end of the uberdinosaurs:

Rolling Stones To Retire
Band set to announce last ever world tour...

And not a moment too soon, you might agree. Although it turns out this last ever tour is going to roll through the various tax regimes until 2012, so it's not like there's going to be anyone in to accept deliveries of frozen meals at home any time soon.

Still, 2012 is the 50th anniversary of the band forming - remember when fifty year-old rock stars were unusual, much less fifty year-old bands? - so there's something pleasing about choosing that date to retire.

Only it turns out that they're not actually saying they're going to retire at all:

"They're likely to perform in stadiums,” the insider said of the group. “It's almost certainly the last full-scale world tour. The band realise that age is creeping up on them. They want to bow out on top of their game, and not short-change their fans."

That "almost certainly" suggests its less about this being the planned farewell tour, more a 'chances are this'll be it as those hips won't last forever' tour.

Still, charming to think the band still believe they're at the top of their game. I'm not entirely sure they've actually recorded anything since Undercover that was worth the bother of magnetising the tape.

Limp Bizkit: 'Highway' loses out, 'my way' seems to be staying at home

Limp Bizkit have pulled their summer tour. I know, I know, you'll all be heartbroken. Fred Durst explained the reasons on Twitlonger:

Basically, Limp is not an ampitheatre band. We like to see less seats in front of the stage and more floor filled w fans going bananas. It's just more fun for all of us that way. Some bands are meant to be seen mainly sitting down, but definitely NOT Limp Bizkit. We want to give you the best experience possible so we will reroute to the venues we feel will work the best. High energy , good times. We want you to have the best.

Now, we could be generous and assume that Limp Bizkit thought "let's give back all the money people have been spending on tickets for gigs this summer in massive venues, and book into smaller venues in the Autumn for a better experience."

But it really does look more like pisspoor ticket sales forcing a humiliating paring back of venue size. I'm expecting Tweets in August going "you know what? Limp are a bar band. And out fans appreciate some other act coming on after we've played to do a set..."

Bob Dylan discovers forbidden city in Beijing

The Chinese authorities have decided that they don't want Bob Dylan playing Beijing. Or, for that matter, Shanghai. His China tour is thus off.

Apparently the Chinese government heard he'd let his music be used in ads for the Co-Op, and concluded that sounded a little too much like socialism for them to be comfortable with him turning up.

Whatever the actual reason, Dylan has scythed off a whole slew of other dates:

The verdict scuppers Dylan's plans to play his first dates in mainland China. The singer, who plays around 100 concerts a year on his Never Ending Tour, had hoped to extend a multi-city Japanese leg with concerts in Beijing, Shanghai, Taiwan, South Korea and Hong Kong. All these would now be called off, Wu told the newspaper.

"With Beijing and China ruled out, it was not possible for him just to play concerts in Hong Kong, South Korea and Taiwan," he said. "The chance to play in China was the main attraction for him. When that fell through everything else was called off."

I'm not sure that quite makes sense - "yeah, I really fancied playing Beijing so somehow organised a date in Seoul to make it happen"? It's not like Dylan's putting on a U2 style epic, and surely once the stuff has made it to Japan you might as well take it to Korea? Wouldn't the dates in China have been the more expensive part of the jaunt, given that there's less rock and roll infrastructure there - wouldn't axing those two dates make the others more lucrative?

And besides: allowing the Chinese government to effectively deny the people of Hong Kong and South Korea a gig they'd like to see? Is Dylan really sure he wants to play along with that?

Gordon in the morning: Robbie Williams stays at home

Robbie Williams is - according to Gordon - being pushed to go out on tour:

ROBBIE WILLIAMS is locking horns with management about touring at the end of the year.

The pop superstar is still not sure if he wants to go on the road, but bosses have already begun finalising plans.

Smart spends time wandering through the question of should Robbie tour, even going down to writing a list of pros and cons:

The pros: the buzz of being on the road, millions of fans screaming your name, plus mountains of cash.

The cons: stage fright, the stress of being on the road, missing the dogs and LA lifestyle and putting on hold DVD nights with the cracking missus.

Smart is so quick to get to this bit that he manages to miss the twin stories.

The first being that Williams' stage fright might be amplified by the fear that he'd be playing to half-empty rooms: sales of the last album have been a little up on Rudebox, but still well adrift of what he'd once have expected; even with the heft of Sport Relief behind it, Morning Sun stalled outside the Top 40. Why would you rush to tour when there's a chance even a half-empty room would empty out long before the tubes stop running?

The bigger story, of course, is who these 'bosses' are who are - if Smart is to be believed - pushing Williams into touring against his worries for his mental health. As you'll recall, Williams signed a 360 deal with EMI back in 2002. Reality Killed The Radio Star is the last album under that deal, and - presumably - the last time EMI can expect to get a portion of Robbie's ticket sales. No wonder they're keen to have him out on the road, bringing in much-needed cash, regardless of how sensible it would be for him to do so.

Elsewhere, Robert Pattinson, out of The Buffy Babies, manages to pull off being both offensive and self-important:

The actor, dubbed R-Patz by fans, had his eyebrows plucked and has been plastered in make-up.

He said: "You get to the point where you think, 'OK, I look like a transvestite now'."

No you don't, sweetheart. You look like a thirty year-old trying to pass themselves off as a High Schooler, who has confused the words 'smoulder' with 'squint'.

Sponsor Camper Van Beethoven

Camper Van Beethoven hope to get to SXSW this year. In order to make this dream come true, they're inviting fans to sponsor a song in their set:

How it works:

"CVB will draw up two setlists, one for each show: approximately 35 songs.

The first 35 people to donate $100 dollars will get to choose a song.

The first person gets the first choice from the setlist, the second person gets the second choice etc etc. Sorry but you will have to choose from the setlists that we create. We once tried a a fan generated setlist and it was really weird - unfortunately, not weird in a good way, or we'd probably be doing that more often!"

What you get:

*A Santa Cruz Roller Derby Girl will walk/skate across the stage carrying a placard announcing your sponsorship of the song, within full view of the audience or cameras, to have the moment captured on film or video for all of eternity!
*You can have up to 4 names or one business on each placard.

*We will contact you later for details how your sponsorship placard will read.

We reserve the right to arbitrarily refuse sponsorship from anyone or any organization. (For instance we probably won't be letting Mr. Hugh Jass and Ms. Ann Al-Aksam sponsor any songs. Probably.)"

It's a fair bet there's going to be a scramble for Take The Skinheads Bowling.

Sorry, America

Press releases can sometimes make you feel so sorry for those less fortunate, can't they?

JAMIE CULLUM LAUNCHES "ONE MAN BRITISH INVASION" OF AMERICA

Poor, poor America.

On the other hand, it does leave us free of him for a while. Do you think we could persuade him to take Parky with him?

Advice to Americans: Aim low. And if you let him get on top of the piano, you're lost.

Fame Kills is killed: Gaga/West go West

Nobody quite seems to have a plausible reason 'why', but the Kanye West/Lady GaGa Fame Kills tour has been axed.

To be fair, nobody could quite explain why they were bothering with it in the first place, so perhaps the only explanation we'll get for the axing is "someone woke up and took a good hard look at what we were doing."

1990s yet to reach America

The 1990s US tour has been axed due to "unforeseen circumstances" - well, yes, they would be unforeseen, wouldn't they? You wouldn't create a set of gigs if you knew you wouldn't be able to play them, would you? Unless you were the KLF.

The Boston Herald is betting on it being visa problems.

Lucinda Williams now comes with cashback

Things are tight. And Lucinda Williams is alarmed at how much her people are charging her fans to go to her shows. So, she's doing something about it. She can't reduce ticket prices, but:

"I cannot, in good conscience, sit back and watch my fans get blatantly gouged." says Williams. "As an attempt to offset these fees, we are going to offer a standing credit at our merchandise table to everyone attending our upcoming US shows in 2009."

It's encouraging to see some artists are reaching out - and taking a hit on their own earnings - even while its dispiriting to see that artists (who we're often told are at the heart of everything the music industry does) can't even control how much tickets with their names on costs.

Against Me do a Tesco Value Tour

Against Me - sure, they're a 'take it or leave it' sort of band, but you can't fault the value: they've launched a ten dollar tour. It's partly because of the times we're living in, partly because they're playing to test some songs live. Seems fair enough to not take a full fee if you're doing a kind-of rehearsal.

Not sure I'd ever pay more than ten bucks for them in full-on mode, but it's a nice gesture.

The Jonas Brothers get ready to tour

MTV News has the headlines:

Jonas Brothers Say Tour Will Be Different From 3-D Movie

Which I'm taking to be a warning to fans not to expect quite as many dimensions as you might get in a 3D cinema.

The Brothers are thrilling themselves inside-out at the prospect of going and miming to some songs for a little while in a room where nobody can hear them above the screams:

"This is something brand-new," Kevin Jonas promised Wednesday (March 18). "We've never embarked on an in-the-round tour. The new songs on the new record are very exciting for us. For us, for all the opportunities we get, we're astonished every day. To be able to visit so many people ourselves will be very great."

"Yes" agreed another Brother, possibly Tim or Calum Jonas: "It's very great to visit so many people on the stage from where we be on the... um... maybe we should stick to getting the boss to write those words for us to be... saying... outwards?"

Britney's tour teeters

According to TMZ, Britney is going to pull her tour if she can't come to an agreement with Kevin Federline to let the kids roam with her. The proposed workaround seems to be inviting Federline on tour, with a stipend. Although, apparently, not expecting him to turn up. But still take the money.

Whale meat later: Noah cancels US plans

Noah and The Whale have put off their US tour plans:

Some of the most dedicated, blog-aware North American friends of Noah and the Whale have correctly identified North American tour dates circulating on the internet.

It is with no little remorse and disappointment that we are compelled to cancel these dates. These words are being typed in the studio as we make progress on the next Noah and the Whale album. Between commitments in hereto-neglected Europe, we have made the sad but important decision to take time to develop these recordings over the winter months.

Despite this unavoidable necessity we would like to apologise to all the wonderful friends we made on our most recent American adventure, to anyone who has bought tickets or was preparing to do so.

The whole band enjoys an ongoing love affair with the US. The autumn tour was one of the most intense and heartening experiences of our lives and we were bristling with seasonal anticipation at the prospect of old faces and venues, not to mention new American audiences and experiences too. But there is simply not enough time in the world and we are sure that this next record will justify this difficult call.

With new songs to disseminate and even more America-famished, we will cross the pond to tour across the continent from March 2009. This is a promise, a published, globally-viewable promise.

Once again we want to express our most sincere gratitude for everyone who has seen us play, said they would see us play, or said two good words about the band. Noah and the Whale will be back and we will be back many times.

That's the second band this week electing to stay in the studio instead of going out to tour.

No Doubt, no surprise

We all know what Gwen Stefani has been up to since slipping the confines of No Doubt and being able to get through an album without a couple of cod ska numbers. But what about the rest of the band?

Well, they, too, know what Gwen Stefani has been up to. After all, they've not really been so busy they haven't been able to keep an eye on her. Now, though, they've got the call they've been waiting for:

The Los Angeles pop group made the announcement via an instant message transcript posted on its official Web site (http://www.nodoubt.com), but did not provide specific details.

"I have cabin fever. Maybe we should play some shows or something," guitarist Tom Dumont wrote. Vocalist Gwen Stefani answered, "I think we should go out now. I don't think we should wait. Pack up the babies and get a bunch of nannies. So fun! Would be so inspiring to get out there and play all those songs again."

The group then discusses how continuing to write new music on the road would be inspiring, and vows to alert management to its plans.

It's perhaps appropriate that a band whose career has been so built on pastiche would comeback through a faux IM transcript.

Stefani's perfume business is not expected to be affected.

Un-steady: Dates on Hold

The Hold Steady have axed their entire UK tour, apparently on health grounds but nobody seems absolutely certain why.

It's not going to make up for it - indeed, it might make the loss even more tart - but here's the band doing Sequestered In Memphis live in July this year:

Journeyman

In a blog posting from the future (apparently October 2nd), Rolling Stone reports comments by Arnel Pineda. Pineda is currently the lead singer of Journey in the same way that Sarah Palin in a vice presidential candidate, and not enjoying the experience:

"It's very, very sad," he says. "There are days I just break down and cry. This is a job I'm doing for my family. That's all the consolation I'm getting." Traveling around America isn't what he expected. "It's all buses, stage, microphone," he says. "I never really get to go around and walk. They wake me up for soundcheck, then I wait until the show at nine. It's a fantastic job, but at the same time it's a curse. . . . I told Neal that the only thing that will make me quit this is if I get sick. I guess that's the same reason Steve Perry bailed out."

Oops. It seems someone has taken Pineda to one side, and pointed out that it's not for the hired hands to issue complaints to all and sundry. I don't know for a fact that there was a dressing down using the words "hundreds of people who could do the singing" or "and I could put you back down too", but you'd have to believe there was reading his retraction of said comments - apparently they were taken "out of context" and "exaggerated".

The United Nations is believed to be arranging an observer to check on conditions for lead singers in stadium bands.

Tegan and Sara talking tours

If you have five minutes, you might enjoy Tegan and Sara's video tour blog thingy: